In Order to Love Someone Else, You Must First Love Yourself

Is it possible to fully and unapologetically love yourself, and not become narcissistic? It is, and it can unlock a new way to view and participate in all manner of relationships.

To love someone else, focus on what you can do for yourself. Here are a few ways you can work on loving yourself so you can live your best life.

Discover Your Intrinsic Value

Discovering your self-worth is hard and it takes time. You need to spend time with yourself and try to look at yourself through a different lens.

To start this step, take a few minutes away from the chaos. Sit down with a pen and list out a few things that people ask you to do fairly regularly. What about those things are common?

It could be the raw fact that people ask you for help. Then, flip the script. Think of reasons why you would turn to one person again and again for all the things you just listed.

Would you say that person was kind, compassionate, intelligent, well-organized, or strategic?

These are the words that could describe your intrinsic value!  

Resolve Trapped Emotions

Trapped emotions can create emotional blocks that can be difficult to identify without using techniques that tap into the subconscious.

One of the best ways to resolve your emotions is to confront them, not the person associated with them. Ask yourself why you are experiencing that particular feel and be sure to label that feeling clearly.

Ask “why” over and over until you get to something solid. Something like, “I missed out on this opportunity,” or “I didn’t feel strong enough to do what I needed to.”

This isn’t about self-blame, it’s about freedom of expression and identifying the layers underneath the sadness, anger, and hurt.

Blame, whether it’s blaming someone else or yourself, is never helpful. What you learn when you move past the blockade of blame, however, is remarkably valuable.

Make a Few Simple Rules

Now, you need to move forward with a plan to make loving yourself a part of your everyday life. Use a few simple rules such as, “Say excuse me, not sorry,” or, “Don’t offer help when you don’t want to help.”

Create rules that help you ensure that you’re not wrapping yourself in self-doubting language or obligation to other people. When making your rules, focus on the language you use every day, how you view yourself, and what you hope to become as your best self.

Loving yourself doesn’t happen in one hot shower, one therapy sitting or even a month of a self-love challenge. It’s an ongoing process.

You can always love yourself more, so keep revisiting these steps to ensure that you continue to grow.

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Cultivating self-love should start from an early age. Read more here about some tips on how you can help your daughter with self-esteem!