4 Essential Things Every Black Woman Needs

Dear Black Woman,

If you haven’t already heard this today, this week, or even this month, allow me to be the first to say you are beautiful. You are whole. You are enough. You are strong even when you don’t have to be. If at any moment you feel lonely, understand that you are never alone

Often times, we are so busy fighting the world on gender or racial inequality, standing up for our rights, or any other daily struggle that sometimes we miss the chances to truly appreciate ourselves, the work we’ve done, or simply who we are.

For years, women have been the gate keepers to our homes, they have been our caregivers, they have been support to our leading men, and they have been warmth as mothers. As women we pour so much of ourselves into others that we don’t always leave enough give back.

As strong Black women, we think we don’t need anything or turn our noses up to help and believe we’re completely capable of doing it all. But the truth is, everybody needs something or somebody sometimes.

To expand on that, here’s a list of 4 essential things every Black woman needs.

Supportive Friends

While it might seem evident, you’d be surprised how many women do not have true solid friendships. It’s hard to find a lasting bond with another woman who isn’t trying to compete with you, who genuinely wants you to succeed, or find a woman who isn’t jealous or envious of what you already have.

However, according to a 2014 landmark UCLA study on friendships among women, scientists suggest friendships between women are special. They shape who we are and who we are yet to be. They soothe our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our marriages, and help us remember who we really are.

“Every time we get overly busy with work and family, the first thing we do is let go of friendships with other women, explains Dr. Josselson. We push them right to the back burner. That’s really a mistake because women are such a source of strength to each other. We nurture one another. And we need to have unpressured space in which we can do the special kind of talk that women do when they’re with other women. It’s a very healing experience.”

Women need other women to uplift us, to encourage us, to pray with us and to remind us that we aren’t alone in what we feel or what we’re going through.

Get you a group of ride or dies or find the Thelma to your Louise, at the end of the day us girls have to stick together.

Dream Journal

Journaling is an ancient tradition, one that dates back to at least 10th century Japan. Successful people throughout history have kept journals. Presidents have maintained them for posterity; even Oscar Wilde, 19th century playwright, once said: “I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train.”

It is important that women also make time for this open space to detox after long days or weeks, or simply to find peace.

There is increasing evidence to support the notion that journaling has a positive impact on physical well-being according to Psych Central. University of Texas at Austin psychologist and researcher James Pennebaker contends that regular journaling strengthens immune cells.

Scientific evidence supports that journaling provides other unexpected benefits such as: bringing clarity to your thoughts and feelings, knowing yourself better, reducing stress, solving problems more effectively, and resolving disagreements with others.

In a world that is always demanding a certain kind of perfection from the Black woman, journaling can finally allow harmony to our lives.

Meditation

There are times in life when we all must be still. Times when we need to take a few moments to reflect, to answer questions of the heart and mind, to challenge ourselves by dealing with the realities of what we feel, or time to simply be.

As Black women we are constantly on edge and ready for defense so much so that there’s no time to recollect. We are so used to hearing the sounds of bodily approval from our male counterparts, we are used to being sexualized in everything we do that often times there is no room for self-care.

Meditating and praying provides life balance and is essential to our well-being. If you can’t make time for anything else, make time for you.

Self – Love

Women of color are no strangers to the soundtrack of “aye ma you look good, can I get your number?” We are used to thinking our bodies aren’t thin enough, light enough, or in some cases curvy enough in accordance with societal guidelines.

Black women are paying thousands of dollars to convince themselves they are truly beautiful with slender noses, bigger breasts, unrealistic tiny waistlines and butt injections that don’t even look a little realistic – all in an effort to have enough people tell us we’re “beautiful.”

But the reality is, we were always beautiful. From the varied hues of our melanin to the curves our body naturally cascades, we house a definitive beauty that is hand-picked just for us.

The most important love we should seek comes from within. We can never truly capture the love of others if it is not first found within ourselves.

All women need self-love.

Take time to yourself. Light candles, bathe in aroma therapy, or lose time in a deep clean mud mask. Say affirmative and loving words to yourselves daily, accept your flaws and scream your accomplishments.

Love yourself today, tomorrow, and always.