100 Days of Dating began as a passion project, a blog dedicated to telling the stories of lovers. After going through what seemed like her toughest heartbreak, author Kiana St Louis was determined to prove that she couldn’t be the only person feeling as low as she did. Passionate and determined, Kiana interviewed 100 men and women between the ages of 22-54 on the topic of love.

People from all over the world entered the series to share their secrets, failed relationship lessons, success stories, dreams for the future, and even opened up about things they’ve never talked about before.

BGA: Do you think it makes sense for teenagers to try and have serious relationships based on what you went through in yours?

Kiana: I think it makes sense to encourage love at any age. Unfortunately, there isn’t an age barrier to heartbreak, we can expect ups and downs in any and every relationship we go through at any age. Our experiences are our best lessons. It isn’t ideal to be broken-hearted in high school, but what I went through at 15 or 16 years old helped mold me into the woman I am today.

Because of what I went through, I now have self-assurance and understand my value as a woman. I don’t think I would have been able to do that without having gone through what I did. I was young when I first fell in love, 14 years old. All I saw was him. All I knew was him and at that time, that was all that mattered. I wish then that while I was young and loving him someone reminded me to continue to love myself first.

That’s what makes sense, encouraging healthy serious relationships to our youth. We can’t stop young love and we shouldn’t, but if we as young adults can take the time to explain the importance of self love, self-worth, and understanding, we can help relationships turn out a little better.

BGA: Did writing 100 Days of Dating help to purge you of the negativity from your last relationship?

Kiana: Absolutely. Every word, every line, every sentence was meant for me and my healing. Writing has always been my release. Words are my medicine and provide so much clarity. After my relationship completely ended, I needed to find a way to understand exactly how I was feeling and why. I had given so much of myself to him that when we were finished I had so little of me left, my reflection was unrecognizable.

This journey, this book, started as a blog on WordPress. I dedicated 100 days to healing, to finding men and women who might also have felt the way that I did and I found I was far from alone. Women and men poured into me, sharing stories of triumphant love, painful breakups, reasons for why they’ll never get married, life after divorce and the importance of self love. It was through these brave stories and finding a common ground with people I didn’t really know that I was able to find peace.

Love is unpredictable, it’s risky, but is also out there for everyone. Sometimes, just finding somebody to hear you or share in your journey makes finding love a little easier. So yes, this entire process has purged me. I don’t think I’ll ever have strength to befriend him, but I am finally at a place to forgive and move forward because of the power in this book.

BGA: What have you learned about the differences in the way men view love and relationships from the way women view love and relationships?

Kiana: I’ve learned that our views of love are pretty much the same as men and women, but what varies is our ways of approaching it, which I feel relies heavily on intention. Men love and they love hard, they have feelings and can sometimes be sensitive just as women are, but their actions become confusing when we aren’t on the same page.

From what I gathered from the men I’ve interviewed, men want love and stability but want it on their time and when they’re ready for it. So, they’ll take a woman out, court her, make her feel special but wont seal the deal until everything is in line for them. But because men don’t always voice their intentions with women, views, communication and feelings are often misconstrued.

Most women dream of forever with a man and anticipate love but don’t always set standards for what that love should be. Often times, because of this, women open themselves to more men wasting their time or feeling undervalued. Men and women are truly so different but I believe love fills that unbalance. We all want it, finding someone to choose to love endlessly and more importantly, having them choose you too. Once we put those differences to the side, love will win.

BGA: How will you approach relationships differently at this stage in your life?

Kiana: At 25, I’m just trying to do my thing. I’m currently single, but I do crave a long lasting relationship. It’s funny, I laugh with God sometimes and I’m confused because he’s really blessing me from my new job, to the success of my first book, to my amazing supportive family and friend group, all these different things have just been working for me except this part of my life – relationships!

But I’m just choosing to trust God completely and have him guide my decisions and then I know the right person will come. I’m approaching things by putting me and my happiness first, refraining from changing anything about myself to appease anyone or anything, I’m simply choosing me.

BGA: What is the biggest takeaway that readers will get from 100 Days of Dating? Who did you write this book for?

Kiana: The biggest takeaway readers will get from 100 Days of Dating is understanding the importance of self-love. We talk about this here and there, you’ll see a few memes encouraging self-care, but dedicating time to truly knowing and loving yourself is a real journey that men and women have to give time to go through and we don’t.

Many of us are broken from family history or childhood issues, and never take the time to acknowledge that, and instead we force ourselves to be in relationships with people we who we feel should “fix” us or “make us whole” but that’s the problem. You need to be whole by yourself before you search for love. You cannot love anyone if at first you do not love yourself.

Through the stories of real-life men and women in their different situations, everyone realized that they were missing or needed more self-love and those reading will connect and gather that too.

At first, this whole project was for me and my healing, but I realized shortly after publishing my first piece, that this is much bigger than me. This book is for anyone who’s looking for love, lost love, on the brink of giving up, or happily in love, there is beauty in every journey and strength in sharing it with others.