Power of the Lotus!

We are constantly told that as women, “we hold the power” in relationships, but never get to truly experience the upper hand we possess. “Minority” women are receiving an unwarranted amount of slack and hypersexualization from men of all backgrounds in current day society.

There is a misconception of full liberation over our sexuality and bodies, when in fact, women have minor control over their natural desires. “Standards” of what constitutes being ladylike are implicitly enforced with societal norms and pop culture.

Since the beginning of time we have been hypersexualized by White men, and we are now also excessively associated with our sexuality by our Black men.

In fact, both Black men AND women are solely idolized and recognized for their physical attributes – which is why we excel in areas that require manual labor, elite athletic skills, dancing, and sexual activity. Our educational resources are restricted, while we’re at the same time, provided with examples of success in our communities by men and women who play sports, dance, sing and/or rap.

Yet in these rap lyrics and content displayed on the social media accounts of these “minority” rappers – Black women are depicted as money-chasers, sluts, untrustworthy, loud, and often attitudinal.

Internalized Racism

The imminent danger with this illustration of Black women is that it is identical to the viewpoint of an intolerant individual who lacks experience with women of that ethnic group.

As Black men, they possess the knowledge and first-hand experience of how beautiful, strong, intelligent, and resilient Black women are because they also understand FIRST-HAND the oppression, hurdles, and daily struggles they have to overcome. Yet, somehow “minority” women are still crucified by outsiders, and additionally their own counterparts.

This is not an attack on Black men, but an opportunity for them to learn the dangers of taking part in the hypersexualization of their own women with rules that were created for a White, misogynistic, hetero-normative society – because the same creators of these societal norms are the same oppressors of BLACK MEN.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T All Women

Acknowledge the differences while still displaying equal respect. Women do not get dressed with the intent to score a man, and women certainly aren’t having sex with whoever and however many men they want to to get back at men – and quite frankly, that notion is unwarranted flattery.

Men’s fashion choices are not instantly linked to the desire to attract women, and the motif behind their style preferences are rarely questioned (unless it presents a contradiction to the idealized standard of masculinity). Yet, Billionaire’s and social influencers like Rihanna are consistently slammed and shamed in the public eye.

Rihanna’s connection to her body and comfortability with her sexuality is extremely progressive to women’s sense of femininity and body liberation. If she decides she wants to wear a top that has her breasts, areola, and bejeweled nipps on display she flaunts it unapologetically.

Her unwillingness to run away from fashion choices that push the limit and skim the rim of vulgarity have transformed her into one of today’s most influential fashion icons – landing her multiple awards in the fashion industry. Yet, men still crave the opportunity to not only be so lucky as to fumble in the sheets with Rihanna but would do anything just to be in the same room as her; which completely contradicts the notion that wearing clothing that’s revealing leaves no room for the imagination.

It’s safe to say we all have a clear image of what her body looks like, but men still yearn to learn her body (it’s heard frequently in songs and seen in many social media posts from celebrities and local everyday civilians like ourselves).

She is in tune with her sexuality while still radiating class and mystique – criticism and slut-shaming are attempts to take away that control women possess over their femininity.

The Problem with Slut-Shaming

What’s dangerous about slut-shaming is that it is usually used in the defense that it is “less than lady-like” and “limits the chances of any man viewing enough value in her to fully commit himself to her”. The idea is that the woman is giving off the illusion that she is an easy score in the bedroom, and therefore gives her body to every man that smiles at her.

Even if this was the case… SO WHAT? Love is patience. Love is selflessness. Love is growth, and most important, love is dedication. Love is not based on clothing choice or number of bodies a person has laid with.

A dangerous trend that is becoming not only more apparent, but alarmingly popular is the determination of women’s value based on the number of men they have had sexual relations with; alongside the idea that no matter the dynamic of the relationship between a man and a woman, “she should always perform girlfriend/wife duties”.

Why is it that women should not only share themselves physically, but also emotionally invest time and energy into a man that isn’t going to respect her because he only views her as a means of sexual release? What is it about offering sexual stimulation that entitles men the privilege of having a woman cook for them, lend money in hard times, and even listen to how difficult their day was?

Not every man deserves the opportunity to get close to you, ladies – I mean this in relation to the physical, but more importantly, the SPIRITUAL. Some men are only good for sex, because it requires no effort at all… beyond physical exertion of course! That isn’t necessarily a bad thing – it just means that not every man should be taken seriously.

This is why so much resistance is met from men when women demand equal respect in terms of sexual liberation.

Only Good For One Thang

If all that can be offered is the physical, with the right amount of experience and skill set, it won’t be hard to find that same service elsewhere. Men are aware that this would make them expendable if there was complete equality between men and women in regard to sexual freedom.

As mentioned previously, some men are only good for sex – it doesn’t mean that they’re incapable. It just means that more often than not, men opt out of commitment and prefer having the liberty to have sex with whoever they want, how many times they want, WHEN they want without catching grief for the lack of effort they should be putting in to the person they have shared intimate moments with.

Sexual Liberation Cardi B Style

This is partially why Cardi B is negatively looked down on and constantly being called a “hoe”. Cardi B has cracked the code to gaining sexual liberation for women. She openly shares how women can still hold authority over their bodies and demand a little more than headaches and a fun ride from men.

To be clear, Cardi B isn’t saying women should solely have sex with men to get their bills paid, nails done, or bag bought. What she is advocating is that while we as women get our itch scratched by a man that is most likely going to try his hardest to not do anything for us, that we ensure some security for ourselves.

Most women are aware that a lot of the men they have sex with will be resistant to commitment and providing affection. Cardi B raps and posts on social media about the CRITERIA she demands men to meet if they want to explore her body; and in this instance that’s money.

It’s apparent Cardi B has a healthy, active sexual appetite and will satisfy those needs, but in order for a man to provide that service for her he has to pay for whatever it is she is asking for – since he isn’t offering anything else.

She is selective with her partners, and in her case, money is a requirement. She isn’t teaching women to be gold diggers, but more so to demand and attain what it is they desire from the men they give their time and bodies to.

Cardi B is engaged with an arctic half a million-dollar ring on her finger, taking over magazine covers in cities across the nation, and setting iconic female rap records – all while maintaining her colorful urban vernacular and sizzling Bronx spice.

The Choice Is Yours!

Ladies, do not mute the light that shines from your soul…and your yoni! You have the right to indulge in your womanhood and sexuality, or not – but no matter the CHOICE it should be YOURS.

Just remember whether you dress a little skimp or share a little more of yourself with others than those around you, you still have the ability to be one of the only two women in history to top the Top 100 charts with a solo rap song; or the first female artist to cross two billion worldwide streams on Apple Music.

Your value is NEVER limited to your body.