Happy Valentine’s Day!

LOVE: What is it? How do you know when it’s real? Have you been burned by love? Are you looking for love? Do you believe in love?

We asked women to send in their thoughts and opinions on love. The following 10 responses differ greatly but they all prove love is real and only the strong survive.

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Shalanda Wilder – Executive Career Coach/Recruiter

I have been with my husband for 21 years. People like to say we can’t help who we fall in love with as though we walk around with uncontrollable emotions. We choose to love someone just like we choose to dislike someone.

Love is what you make it.

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Brittany Gamble – Social Media Specialist

In relationships, I believe that love, respect, and partnership are equal. If I am in love with my partner, but s/he doesn’t respect me or our relationship, then it’s over.

If I’m in love with my partner, then we must be teammates. When we both commit to a serious relationship, we aren’t single anymore so there isn’t a ‘you’ or ‘me’. It’s ‘we’ and ‘our’.

For our love to last we must tackle life, finances, and all obstacles together. If we are not on the same page, going separate paths, or do not have similar goals for success, then the relationship won’t work out.

Whether I’m in love or not, my ‘happily ever after’ can only be with a man who respects, loves, and treats me like a true partner.

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Je Tuan Jones – Spiritual Advisor/Teacher

I moved to Arkansas away from my husband in Chicago last May. What I thought would put an end to us ended up saving us. I’m deeper in love with him than I’ve ever been because it’s forced us to truly learn how to communicate.

I found out that he’s, in fact, the partner I’ve always wanted and we both needed room to grow in very different ways. 

Now we get the excitement of rebuilding our relationship the way we want it vs the way that society has told us it should be. 

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Tangela Walker-Craft – Simply Necessary Inc.

Love is an abstract noun that is neither visible nor tangible.  It has to be proven through actions. 

It has to transition from being an abstract noun to an action verb in order to be real.

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Briana Hollis – Social Worker/Blogger

Even as someone who has anxiety related to romantic relationships and who has had my heart broken more times than I can count, I still firmly and confidently believe in love.   

However, I think people put too much emphasis on romantic love, and not enough on the other forms of love that we can have in our lives. The love of family, friends, pets, our fellow human beings and most of all ourselves are all incredibly important.

I went through a really bad break-up last year and I realized that I wasn’t giving myself the love that I deserved. Once I realized that and took action to fix it, the love that I felt for myself and others grew exponentially. 

It seems cliche but once I did start focusing more on myself and how I wanted to live and love my own life, romantic love crept in when I wasn’t looking for it and least expected it. 

I met my current boyfriend while on vacation with family in DC and all the anxiety that I felt during previous relationships, I don’t feel at all with him. 

Not because I don’t care for him or because I’m not afraid of losing him (I am!), but because I felt safe and secure within myself first.  He is a welcome addition to all the love I have in my life. 

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DID YOU KNOW?

FEBRUARY 13TH IS BLACK LOVE DAY!

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Carol Gee – Author

When my husband and I married 45 years ago, my idea of the way my man would show me he loved me was based on fairy tales. You know holding my hand and whispering flowery words.

You see, I’m a romantic. My husband, not so much. Through the years, I’ve come to realize that I once saw being loved as grand gestures and things that required time and money. Through the years he has showed me over and over how much he loves me but it’s unlike I imagined.

Like when one of my cats had to be put to sleep and I was inconsolable for days. A few days later, he was really late coming home, and I was unable to reach him (this was before cellphones). I was worried and angry when he came home. He put what appeared to be a small cloth sack on the couch and out popped an adorable kitten!

Seeing how sad I was, he contacted our vet and learned of some kittens up for adoption. However, the folks he got it from lived quite a distance from where we lived.

He also shows love by having my car washed and detailed without my asking, just because he thought it would make me happy. And he shows love when he holds my hand as we cross a busy street. That he holds it longer than necessary does things to my girlish heart. Yep, that’s what love is.

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Jameca Woody Falconer, PhD – Licensed Psychologist

Love is a state of thinking that includes total trust, transparency, intimacy and respect. Chemistry is a factor. 

I have also been burned by love. I am post divorce from a 16 year marriage in which my ex husband cheated on me and fathered a child with someone else.

But, I still believe in love. 

I am a Black woman that is worthy of love, capable of love, and prepared to love.

I am currently in love. 

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Gabby Beckford – Travel Blogger

I’m a young Black woman (23!) who has just had a huge reawakening when it comes to love and would love to share.

I was pretty love-neutral all through college, but traveled to Italy in May last year and really hit it off with a guy quickly.

We didn’t work out for many reasons and had a horrible, anxiety-filled fall out on my part, but it reawakened my issues with romance and it really made me introspect.

This was the beginning of my awakening. I learned a lot about attachment styles and recognizing my needs in a relationship.

Now, 8 months later, I’m dating around and LOVING IT! I’m meeting much better quality men, going out on great dates, love the way I’m being treated, and most importantly am no longer love-dead or love obsessed. 

For Valentine’s Day I may not have “one” Valentine, but I know I’ll be very happy with whoever I end up spending the day with, even if it’s a couple of my girlfriends.

“Love” is 1.) Knowing what your needs are, and 2.) Having them met. That’s it. Your need for comfort, your need for space, your need for touch or communication or flowers.

Whatever you need is 100% valid, and love is when someone naturally and completely fills those needs for you, and you naturally and completely fill their needs too. Simple as that!

And, YES I believe in love, and that it comes in many different shades and levels of intensity. Everyone has to decide what flavor of love they desire, and stick by their needs.

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Lucie B. Lindner – Motivational Coach/ Conversational English Teacher

I am wildly in love with my husband! From the moment I laid eyes on him I knew!

The beautiful thing is that he knew as well! As one can imagine, interracial love comes with its challenges but my Staffan and I stand strong!

Met in NYC in 2012, he put a ring on it in 2014, I moved to his country, Sweden. It’s been six beautiful years and counting.

Yes, like all marriages, we have our ups and downs but we both can sincerely say that we are madly in love with one another.

We have that  Bonnie and Clyde type of love, respect, and loyalty! The man makes me laugh my guts out 24/7 and he can cook!

Added Bonus: He looks like the singer Sting!

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Rachel Howzell Hall – Bestselling Author

Something dumb I’ve done for love:

I had just graduated from college and had immediately broken one of my cardinal rules: do NOT date guys you meet in clubs. But this guy was gorgeous. I didn’t care that he didn’t have a degree. Didn’t care that his friends were a little shady.

One day I let him use my car — his was ‘in the shop.’ He brought my car back and I didn’t think much of it until the cops showed up at my parents house close to midnight. They were looking for me because a car with my license plate had been used in a robbery.

Later in life I went over the top to secure my husband’s love:

My husband loves scuba diving. We were in Mexico and he wanted to go scuba diving. I wanted to do this with him even though I can’t swim well.

So I took the one hour class to learn how to scuba dive and walked into the Sea of Cortez with him and six other people.

I couldn’t handle it. I freaked out at 7 feet and had to go back to the surface. I knocked over coral in the process. I backstroked to the shore and felt stinging on my arm. I’d been stung by jellyfish.

All of this to be close to him.

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How do YOU feel about love?