Multi-ethnic group of young women: African, Asian, Indian and Caucasian.

Men don’t smile all day. Why should we?

smile

I’m only smiling for the camera. Happy I am not.

 

After an SMH and eye roll worthy real-life experience I took to Facebook and asked:

Men: Does it usually “work” when the first words you say to a woman are – “Why you look so mean? Smile!” ? feeling curious.

It doesn’t matter if you want to “get with” a woman or not, though I’m sure had I given him the time of day he would of tried to get with me and let’s be real, men only say this to women they find attractive or want to get to know better.

Approaching a woman, especially one you don’t know, this way is rude. It comes off as controlling. Just because a women is not smiling doesn’t mean she’s got issues in that moment. Then again, maybe she doesn’t have anything to smile about at that moment either.

Men don’t walk around with a smile on their face all day. Why should we? None of us lives in a world worthy of smiles all day every day.

A smile or lack of one is really not the issue here. It’s like Brian said in an earlier Facebook comment: social skills.

Just say hello or ask how I am instead of putting an emotion on me before you know anything about me. If you think I look unhappy, try to cheer me up. That’s the least you can do. Say something nice. Starting a conversation with a negative is a turn off. Like they say: keep it simple, stupid.

I’m just telling you how I feel about it, but based on many of the responses, I’m not the only women who does not like it and it’s one of those lines that has been passed on from generation to generation.

I can remember my mom complaining about this ages ago when I was a child. It must die. Stop saying it to women. We don’t like or appreciate it.

StopTellingWomenToSmile.com

friendship-female

Women: Can’t Be Friends With ‘Em, Can’t Kill ‘Em

Before I get started on my rant just let me say that I have less than a handful of people that I consider true friends in the first place (male and female) and I have become quite comfortable as a homebody and I have no problem being alone.

As of late I prefer my own company over that of others anyway so having a small or nonexistent circle is fine with me. People in general, these days, seem to be so full of shit and fake that trying to make new friendships is a turn off.

1friend

noun ˈfrend

: a person who you like and enjoy being with

: a person who helps or supports someone or something (such as a cause or charity)

friends

The cast of TV show, Girlfriends. Too bad art doesn’t always imitate life.

In the last couple of years I have tried making new friendships with women, one Black, one White, and both left me hanging to be with male company instead.

I’m not a cock blocker and I am all for a woman getting her boots knocked or licked, but let a sista know that plans have changed.

To not do so is just rude and mean as hell. In both cases, if I had not been the one to reach out, I don’t think I would of ever gotten a response as to what really happened.

A woman that will drop you like a dirty diaper in the 11th hour if a man gives her some attention and not bother to call or text with an explanation is not someone that I want to spend time with. 

Needless to say those friendships ended before they even began and to this day we do not communicate.

True friends or acquaintances, for that matter, don’t do shit like that. We remain “friends” on social media, why I don’t know, but we are.

Well, if I’m being honest I remain connected to one of them on social media because she is also a writer and I enjoy some of her work. The other one I could easily hit “delete” and not feel anything about it at all.

There have also been female friends that I have known for years who have done some shiesty things to me and while I am cordial, they are also on my shit list and I no longer consider them friends.

I’m all about sistahood, so when a woman plays another woman I think it stings a little bit more than if it were a male friend.

I’ve always found it easier to be friends with men, but even that puzzles me. Then again, maybe it’s because unlike women, men don’t sit around and complain about the women they are dating.

I’m not the type of chick that wants to hear about your relationship drama every time we talk. You know he ain’t shit. Drop his ass so we can talk about something fun and meaningful.

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women-and-money

Why It Makes Perfect Sense To Want A Man With Money

gold diggers

I’m broke. Poor to be exact. I make less than $10,000 a year. A lot less actually. And, I have bad credit. Why would I want a man that is doing just as bad as I am or slightly better with no current plans or hopes of things looking up?

Money is not the most important quality in a man. In fact it’s not even a quality (is it?), but you know what I mean.

For instance, there is a man, an old and good friend of mine, who was interested in seriously dating me but he does not have his own home or apartment, has a mediocre job, he pays child support for one child and he cannot afford to save a damn dime.

And, that’s just what I know to be true about his financial status. I’m sure it’s worse.

Let’s forget that I am not into him at all romantically for a sec, but what if I was? As a woman in her late 30’s with a child of my own to take care of I cannot and will not entertain seriously dating a man that is struggling financially.

It does not make sense, especially in this day and age. Sex, I would entertain if I was sexually attracted to him, but anything other than that is off the table, permanently. However, sexual relationships get old quickly. At least for me.

I’m sure 100% of women, if asked, would say that they want a man with money and rightfully so. Not just any man with money. Of course he has to have things like integrity, drive, personality, good looks and even a nice ass, but financial security is a must when looking for a serious long term relationship.

Why? Because things cost. It costs to live and enjoy life. Bills have to be paid. A legacy has to be built and that cannot be done when one or both persons is poor. Besides, according to traditional values (which I don’t usually give a shit about), the man is supposed to be the head of the household, the breadwinner.

gold diggers

For the record, not all woman who want a man with money are gold diggers. Smart people know the difference.

Now, you may be saying – “A man doesn’t want a broke woman either.” You may be right. That’s fair. Though I’m sure that most well to do men are more than okay with their woman making less than them. It’s an ego thing. A man thing. I’m OK with that.

Don’t get me wrong, if the woman is poor, lazy, has no drive and no plans on how to become financially stable, there is a problem. However, if it’s a woman like me or a woman who is also financially stable I’m sure a man can work with that.

I have a college education, ambition, goals, plans and I own a business, but it is not a successful business, in my eyes. Success for me would be generating a stable income for myself and my child where I would never have to skip paying my Consumers bill (or any bill for that matter) and I would not be driving around in a raggedy ass ’97 Escort for going on two years now without car insurance and tags. It’s a damn shame.

If I met a man I really liked who just happened to be a well off business man or a well off garbage man, take your pick, we could build a legacy together. Meaning he could invest in my business or perhaps we could build an entirely new business together. We could pool our talents and help each other.

As I type this I am thinking that it would be great to have an angel investor, male or female, but those are harder to come by than a viable significant other these days.

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pole dancing Anjel Dust

Pole Dancing is Not Just For Thots

DID YOU KNOW THAT POLE DANCING IS A SKILL FOR HOES AND HOES IN TRAINING?

YEA, ME NEITHER.

pole dancing

This is what started the conversation.

HEAVY SIGH So there’s this video going viral showing a little Black girl at the playground sliding down a pole like a pro as other children watch while she lands perfectly in the splits. The insulting meme attached is “The Moment You Realize That Your Daughter’s a Baby Thot”. A thot, to put it simply is a hoe (see whore), in urban slang language.

There are more than a few problems that I have with this video and its message.

#1: This is an innocent child. How dare you lay the title of hoe on her because she has athletic skills. She is on a playground pole, a place more than appropriate for her to participate in this type of activity.

Is she supposed to just slide down like a firefighter? Should she have her style of play limited?

By thinking what she is doing is inappropriate because strippers also display these skills in the club, or that she is not being “lady-like”, or that she should not play this way because some pervert will be turned on is absolutely ridiculous.

You are putting blame on a child for your thoughts and the presumed thoughts of others. And, again, she is on a playground. Should poles be removed from playgrounds?

#2: This child is not exposing her private parts or her underwear and though I would rather she was not in a dress, not once do we see the dress go over her head.

#3: Making statements like she is being raised wrong, or that she must have seen this behavior somewhere, or that her mother should be ashamed is making a negative judgment call when you know absolutely nothing about this child or her family based on this short video.

#4: Ain’t nothing wrong with grown women stripping or being a stripper for a living. And, all strippers are not hoes. Furthermore, the strippers that are hoes don’t deserve your unkind words and assumptions either. You owe strippers an apology for thinking so low of them.

#5: Pole dancing is a legitimate skill, an art, no matter who is doing it or how old they are. Kids do it on the playground, it’s also taught in fitness classes all over the world, gymnasts do it and there are even international competitions, and yes professionals dance on poles in strip clubs or on an even larger scale in awe inspiring shows like Cirque du Soleil.

#6: I’m pretty sure that pole dancing came before stripping in clubs. I haven’t and won’t fact check this one; but I’m pretty sure…just logically speaking.

I really wish more of us would stretch our minds beyond our slanted view. To help you I’ve done a little research and found the following article. You’re welcome.

Enjoy!!

11 Things I Wish Everyone Knew About Pole Dancing

pole dancing

1. Most pole dancers, regardless of age, are in the best shape of their lives.

Pole dancing is a full-body workout. It is resistance training and cardio in one. Flexibility is improved as well. Pole dancers perform acrobatic tricks either suspending their weight or propelling it around a metal pole. The simple act of climbing a pole is an incredible display of strength. It is no surprise, then, that most pole dancers insist they have never looked or felt better. Natasha Wang is a world champion pole dancer who didn’t even start until age 29. Greta Pontarelli is a champion pole dancer at age 63—and she only began a few years ago.

2. There are many different types of pole dancing.

When most people think of “pole dancing,” they tend to think of the kind performed in strip clubs. While the sexy side is still very present, there are actually three main branches of pole dancing: sport, art, and sexy.

3. Some are pushing for pole to become an Olympic event.

These are the serious athletes performing death-defying tricks and displaying unfathomable muscular strength. Then there are also those who embrace the artistic side pole has to offer. The simplicity of a vertical apparatus is appealing in that so much can be created and so many stories can be told. Many of these dancers perform barefoot and have been known to incorporate modern dance, props and costumes into their routines. Finally the sexy side of pole is still practiced by many. These dancers usually wear heels. And although there is some debate within the community about which direction pole is heading, all three forms flourish, and many pole dancers enjoy all styles. There is something for everyone.

4. You need your skin exposed to grip the pole.

I am still surprised that people don’t understand this concept. In order for skin to grip the pole, pole dancers must have their legs, arms and stomach exposed. This is a safety concern. There are some grounded spins, poses, and floor work that can be performed while wearing pants. But in order to perform more advanced moves, we must have the proper amount of skin exposure. Most pole dancers do not have an issue with this at all, since our focus turns away from what our bodies look like and onto what they can do.

5. It can be dangerous without proper training.

Although pole dancing is fun, it is still a serious athletic endeavor that should not be taken lightly. Some people do not realize how challenging it is when first starting. In addition to the bruises, pole dancers can experience shoulder and/or back pain with improper technique or over training.

Some people don’t learn from from certified instructors and instead try to figure it out with an improperly installed home pole and a YouTube instructional, which is a recipe for disaster. Some people can be too eager to flip upside down. This can be especially dangerous and can lead to head or spinal cord injury. This caution isn’t meant to scare away hopefuls, but rather to encourage everyone to go through gradually progressive training.

pole dancing

6. Men can (and do!) pole dance.

The number of men pole dancing continues to grow every year. There are men’s divisions in competitions now, and I usually have at least one man in all the classes I take or teach. Men’s natural inclination toward upper body strength makes them ideal candidates for the sport.

There are many ancient forms of pole dancing such as Chinese pole and Mallakhamb, which have been performed throughout history and almost exclusively by men.

7. “Not having upper body strength” is not an excuse to not try it.

This is quite possibly the most irritating argument I hear against wanting to try pole dancing. There will always be hundreds of reasons not to try. Maybe you aren’t at your ideal weight, or you have two left feet, or you think you’re too old. Why not stop creating roadblocks? You’ll build skills as you grow and learn. That is part of what’s so inspiring and empowering about it.

Whether you’re uncoordinated and can’t lift your own body weight or you’re an athlete with gymnastic capabilities, there is always a new trick or transition to learn with pole dancing. The process of growth never ends and the possibilities can be as creative as your imagination allows them to be.

8. Even though pole dancing is growing in popularity, we still can be judged.

Despite progress in the public’s understanding of what we do, many of us still fight stereotypes. Some of pole dancing’s loudest critics have never tried it themselves. Just last year, Marina Heck, a schoolteacher, was forced to resign from her position following controversy that she is a pole dancer.

Even if what we are doing is completely athletic and far removed from the type of pole dancing performed in strip clubs, we still need to explain ourselves. Many times when revealing to strangers what it is I do, I find myself hesitating because I don’t feel like justifying my passion to a skeptic.

9. It’s not always so sexy. (And our significant others don’t get free shows all the time.)

Don’t get me wrong; Pole dancing can be very sexy. But it is not always as overtly sexual as people may believe. We end up with bruises, burns and scrapes from trying new moves. And although we may wear sports bras and tiny shorts when performing, we opt for comfort over fashion in between training sessions.

Our partners soon become all too familiar with pole dancing. We bring them to competitions, we send them videos, we practice the latest tricks at home, we talk about which grip aids work best.

Many spouses are affectionately referred to as “pole husbands.” They are supportive. But do they feel forbidden allure? Not so much.

10. The community is very tight-knit.

Because what we do is still considered taboo by many, there is a unique closeness that bonds us together. There are pole dancers of all professions, ethnicities, religions, cultures, sizes, and ages.

I have friends all over the world because of pole dancing. I have friends who have been able to travel the world because of it. We support each other through learning new moves. We share each others videos. We watch each other perform. This shared interest bonds us with a special understanding.

11. Pole dancing is emotionally healing.

This is one of the biggest reasons I’ve stuck with pole dancing as long as I have. The physical benefits are great, but the feeling you get from mastering a move or expressing a particular emotion is indescribable.

Just the other day, I assisted a student in her first climb. It was a huge deal for her and the expression of joy on her face reminded me why I do what I do.

You can dance out any emotion in class, whether joyful, angry or sad. The combination of athletic skill and artistic influence makes it incomparable to any other form of dance or sport. To me, it is both dance and sport woven together into one beautiful, athletic art form.

11 Things I Wish Everyone Knew About Pole Dancingoriginally posted on MindBodyGreen

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Good Men Are Not Like Busses

good men

Piggybacking off the above image; when those three or four come along they aren’t worth the ride. I haven’t been in a serious relationship in over ten years and I have yet to meet a man that would make me want to be in a relationship in those ten years.

When I have met a man that I thought was worth my time he made lying and game playing a priority. At this stage of my life I don’t feel that I need a man to be validated or happy, however I would like to have a male companion that I can spend some quality time with as well as have great sex; something else that I have not had in ages. I really hope this changes in 2013.

Update: Nothing changed in 2013 :/

Mildred Muhammad 2

Women’s History Month Spotlight: Mildred Muhammad

Name and occupation:

Mildred Muhammad — International spokesperson on domestic  violence, women’s rights advocate, author of “Scared Silent” and founder of After the Trauma, a nonprofit organization that helps survivors of domestic abuse to rebuild their lives

What do you love most about being a woman?

What I love most about being a woman is being a mother. My children are my greatest joy, and when I look into their eyes, I know God’s promises are true. The ability to give birth is amazing.

Have you had to deal with much sexism in your industry?

I haven’t dealt with a lot of sexism in my industry, but it is still there. When I participate in domestic abuse rallies, there are those that feel we don’t give the full picture of domestic abuse because we focus on women survivors.  Some people criticize us and our industry, saying men are victims too. There are men survivors, but we focus on women because the percentage of women survivors is much greater than the percentage of men.

Do you belong to any organizations catered to women business owners?

I’m a member of 411 Voices, which is an organization of women entrepreneurs who serve as expert speakers and sources for media outlets, businesses, nonprofit organizations, research groups, etc.

Who or what inspires you most?

The victims and survivors of domestic violence inspire me. There’s not a moment that goes by that I don’t try to think of different options that can be taken, so that women and children are safe from their abusers. This is my passion. This is what I feel that God has pressed upon my heart to do after coming through my trauma – and I take it seriously. They are my inspiration.

Something about you that would surprise us:

I was a body builder in my younger days.

Advice for women entrepreneurs:

If you’re starting a business, find a need and fill it with what you know. If you have a hobby or an interest that can be turned into a business, that’s a good place to start. Then decide how to organize it. Look into a sole proprietorship. It’s an easy and inexpensive way to go. Then, network as much as you can, particularly through social media channels. Lastly, whether you’re just starting out or have been in business a long time, stay on top of things in your industry. To be successful you have to know your industry inside and out. Read industry publications and articles, participate in online discussions, network within your industry, etc.

Websites:

  • Women’s History Month Spotlight: Mildred Muhammad (dangerouslee.biz)
  • Women’s History Month Spotlight: Mag Retelewski (dangerouslee.biz)
Alaia

Women’s History Month Spotlight: Alaia Williams

Name and occupation:

Alaia Williams, Business Organizer, Networking Group Founder, and Dot Connector

What do you love most about being a woman?

Though challenges still remain and improvements in our culture would be welcomed,  I feel like this is the best time to be a woman. I didn’t grow up during a time when I was regularly told or treated like I was less than a man or had to be subservient to one. Also, as a woman in business, I feel like I have additional opportunities and resources that have definitely made a positive impact on my life. While the group I run is open to men and women, I have joined organizations for women business owners in the past, or attended events geared toward business women. Those of us who are active, at least here in Los Angeles, are rapidly building connections, and in many cases, strong friendships. Most of the female friends I have made after leaving college are other women business owners.

Have you had to deal with much sexism in your industry?

Fortunately, no. At least not that I have been aware of.  When I started my first business back in 2006, I was a Professional Organizer specializing in residential projects. Most people in the industry were (and possibly still are) women. In terms of the networking group, I think most people are concerned about it being an active groups with interesting people to meet and less concerned with my sex.

Do you belong to any organizations catered to women business owners?

 I’ve belonged to several women-only organizations in the past, but my preference is for organizations that are open to both men and women. I also run a networking group and it has been open to men and women since day one. I do, however, have a mastermind group that only has women in it, and I try at least once a month to have a dinner or social gathering with some of my closest female entrepreneur pals.

Who or what inspires you most?

People who have overcome great odds to achieve great things. Everyone has different capabilities and what not, but when I look at people who achieve amazing things because they worked really hard, stayed positive and didn’t back down, I can’t help but realize that I don’t have any excuses for not making my dreams come true.

Something about you that would surprise us:

If eating bacon three times a day wouldn’t kill me, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

Advice for women entrepreneurs:  

Ask for what you want. You don’t know what you’ll get if you don’t. Ask for what you’re worth. You’ll be bitter and resentful if you settle for less.

Website and social media links:

  • Women’s History Month Spotlight: Sandi Webster (dangerouslee.biz)
  • Women’s History Month Spotlight: Katerina Y. Taylor (dangerouslee.biz)
  • Women’s History Month Spotlight: Mag Retelewski (dangerouslee.biz)
  • Women’s History Month Spotlight: Claudia A. Hoexter (dangerouslee.biz)
  • Women’s History Month Spotlight: Cindy Clemens (dangerouslee.biz)
  • Women’s History Month Spotlight: Peggy McHale (dangerouslee.biz)
  • Womens History Month Spotlight: Vee Carson (dangerouslee.biz)
  • Women’s History Month Spotlight: Erika Lyremark (dangerouslee.biz)
Claudia

Women’s History Month Spotlight: Claudia A. Hoexter

Name and occupation:

Claudia A. Hoexter, Founder and CEO of Alexa Brands, LLC

Inventor of the Beauty Spoon®, the innovative new beauty tool that helps you spoon out all the remaining liquids located in your product bottles and containers.

What do you love most about being a woman?

Everything! I love fashion, beauty, and design. I also love the hidden power we possess when we are confident, composed and in control.

Have you had to deal with much sexism in your industry?

No, inventing, product development and manufacturing in general is definitely male dominated but I believe if a woman educates herself on all aspects of those things, people both male and female will take notice and listen.

Do you belong to any organizations catered to women business owners?

I am currently researching the Women’s Business Enterprise National Council as a possible organization to join.

Who or what inspires you most?

All women in power inspire me, Oprah Winfrey in particular. It is amazing how she came from such humble beginnings to the success she has achieved today. I believe women can do everything a man can in business if we put our minds to it.

Something about you that would surprise us:

I am the 7th child born out of 8 children total. I credit my birth rank to any success I achieve, as I have had to be independent, resourceful, and outspoken since I was a little girl.

Advice for women entrepreneurs:

Believe in yourself and you can accomplish anything. The world is ours for the taking, but only if you are willing to work hard. Appreciate the little accomplishments along the way because the joy comes not from what we ultimately achieve, but from the process of getting there.

Website and social media links:

Mag

Women’s History Month Spotlight: Mag Retelewski

Name and occupation:

Mag Retelewski, President and Founer of Clarteza

What do you love most about being a woman?

Emotional intelligence.

Have you had to deal with much sexism in your industry?

To a certain degree yes but I also experienced bias since I was born in Poland.

Do you belong to any organizations catered to women business owners?

Yes, I created my own organization and hire mostly women (not by design, but somehow it happens this way).

Who or what inspires you most?

I believe that Passion Persuades and this is the biggest source of my inspiration.

Something about you that would surprise us:

I am a violinist (with formal schooling!) and speak more than one language.

Advice for women entrepreneurs:

Follow your passion and question a status quo.

Website and social media links:

  • Irish-American Heritrage Month Spotlight: Belinda Blakley (dangerouslee.biz)
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