Multi-ethnic group of young women: African, Asian, Indian and Caucasian.

Men don’t smile all day. Why should we?

dangerousbathroomsmile2

I’m only smiling for the camera. Happy I am not.

 

After an SMH and eye roll worthy real-life experience I took to Facebook and asked:

Men: Does it usually “work” when the first words you say to a woman are – “Why you look so mean? Smile!” ? feeling curious.

It doesn’t matter if you want to “get with” a woman or not, though I’m sure had I given him the time of day he would of tried to get with me and let’s be real, men only say this to women they find attractive or want to get to know better.

Approaching a woman, especially one you don’t know, this way is rude. It comes off as controlling. Just because a women is not smiling doesn’t mean she’s got issues in that moment. Then again, maybe she doesn’t have anything to smile about at that moment either.

Men don’t walk around with a smile on their face all day. Why should we? None of us lives in a world worthy of smiles all day every day.

A smile or lack of one is really not the issue here. It’s like Brian said in an earlier Facebook comment: social skills.

Just say hello or ask how I am instead of putting an emotion on me before you know anything about me. If you think I look unhappy, try to cheer me up. That’s the least you can do. Say something nice. Starting a conversation with a negative is a turn off. Like they say: keep it simple, stupid.

I’m just telling you how I feel about it, but based on many of the responses, I’m not the only women who does not like it and it’s one of those lines that has been passed on from generation to generation.

I can remember my mom complaining about this ages ago when I was a child. It must die. Stop saying it to women. We don’t like or appreciate it.

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women-and-money

Why It Makes Perfect Sense To Want A Man With Money

gold diggers

I’m broke. Poor to be exact. I make less than $10,000 a year. A lot less actually. And, I have bad credit. Why would I want a man that is doing just as bad as I am or slightly better with no current plans or hopes of things looking up?

Money is not the most important quality in a man. In fact it’s not even a quality (is it?), but you know what I mean.

For instance, there is a man, an old and good friend of mine, who was interested in seriously dating me but he does not have his own home or apartment, has a mediocre job, he pays child support for one child and he cannot afford to save a damn dime.

And, that’s just what I know to be true about his financial status. I’m sure it’s worse.

Let’s forget that I am not into him at all romantically for a sec, but what if I was? As a woman in her late 30’s with a child of my own to take care of I cannot and will not entertain seriously dating a man that is struggling financially.

It does not make sense, especially in this day and age. Sex, I would entertain if I was sexually attracted to him, but anything other than that is off the table, permanently. However, sexual relationships get old quickly. At least for me.

I’m sure 100% of women, if asked, would say that they want a man with money and rightfully so. Not just any man with money. Of course he has to have things like integrity, drive, personality, good looks and even a nice ass, but financial security is a must when looking for a serious long term relationship.

Why? Because things cost. It costs to live and enjoy life. Bills have to be paid. A legacy has to be built and that cannot be done when one or both persons is poor. Besides, according to traditional values (which I don’t usually give a shit about), the man is supposed to be the head of the household, the breadwinner.

gold diggers

For the record, not all woman who want a man with money are gold diggers. Smart people know the difference.

Now, you may be saying – “A man doesn’t want a broke woman either.” You may be right. That’s fair. Though I’m sure that most well to do men are more than okay with their woman making less than them. It’s an ego thing. A man thing. I’m OK with that.

Don’t get me wrong, if the woman is poor, lazy, has no drive and no plans on how to become financially stable, there is a problem. However, if it’s a woman like me or a woman who is also financially stable I’m sure a man can work with that.

I have a college education, ambition, goals, plans and I own a business, but it is not a successful business, in my eyes. Success for me would be generating a stable income for myself and my child where I would never have to skip paying my Consumers bill (or any bill for that matter) and I would not be driving around in a raggedy ass ’97 Escort for going on two years now without car insurance and tags. It’s a damn shame.

If I met a man I really liked who just happened to be a well off business man or a well off garbage man, take your pick, we could build a legacy together. Meaning he could invest in my business or perhaps we could build an entirely new business together. We could pool our talents and help each other.

As I type this I am thinking that it would be great to have an angel investor, male or female, but those are harder to come by than a viable significant other these days.

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pole dancing Anjel Dust

Pole Dancing is Not Just For Thots

DID YOU KNOW THAT POLE DANCING IS A SKILL FOR HOES AND HOES IN TRAINING?

YEA, ME NEITHER.

pole dancing

This is what started the conversation.

HEAVY SIGH So there’s this video going viral showing a little Black girl at the playground sliding down a pole like a pro as other children watch while she lands perfectly in the splits. The insulting meme attached is “The Moment You Realize That Your Daughter’s a Baby Thot”. A thot, to put it simply is a hoe (see whore), in urban slang language.

There are more than a few problems that I have with this video and its message.

#1: This is an innocent child. How dare you lay the title of hoe on her because she has athletic skills. She is on a playground pole, a place more than appropriate for her to participate in this type of activity.

Is she supposed to just slide down like a firefighter? Should she have her style of play limited?

By thinking what she is doing is inappropriate because strippers also display these skills in the club, or that she is not being “lady-like”, or that she should not play this way because some pervert will be turned on is absolutely ridiculous.

You are putting blame on a child for your thoughts and the presumed thoughts of others. And, again, she is on a playground. Should poles be removed from playgrounds?

#2: This child is not exposing her private parts or her underwear and though I would rather she was not in a dress, not once do we see the dress go over her head.

#3: Making statements like she is being raised wrong, or that she must have seen this behavior somewhere, or that her mother should be ashamed is making a negative judgment call when you know absolutely nothing about this child or her family based on this short video.

#4: Ain’t nothing wrong with grown women stripping or being a stripper for a living. And, all strippers are not hoes. Furthermore, the strippers that are hoes don’t deserve your unkind words and assumptions either. You owe strippers an apology for thinking so low of them.

#5: Pole dancing is a legitimate skill, an art, no matter who is doing it or how old they are. Kids do it on the playground, it’s also taught in fitness classes all over the world, gymnasts do it and there are even international competitions, and yes professionals dance on poles in strip clubs or on an even larger scale in awe inspiring shows like Cirque du Soleil.

#6: I’m pretty sure that pole dancing came before stripping in clubs. I haven’t and won’t fact check this one; but I’m pretty sure…just logically speaking.

I really wish more of us would stretch our minds beyond our slanted view. To help you I’ve done a little research and found the following article. You’re welcome.

Enjoy!!

11 Things I Wish Everyone Knew About Pole Dancing

pole dancing

1. Most pole dancers, regardless of age, are in the best shape of their lives.

Pole dancing is a full-body workout. It is resistance training and cardio in one. Flexibility is improved as well. Pole dancers perform acrobatic tricks either suspending their weight or propelling it around a metal pole. The simple act of climbing a pole is an incredible display of strength. It is no surprise, then, that most pole dancers insist they have never looked or felt better. Natasha Wang is a world champion pole dancer who didn’t even start until age 29. Greta Pontarelli is a champion pole dancer at age 63—and she only began a few years ago.

2. There are many different types of pole dancing.

When most people think of “pole dancing,” they tend to think of the kind performed in strip clubs. While the sexy side is still very present, there are actually three main branches of pole dancing: sport, art, and sexy.

3. Some are pushing for pole to become an Olympic event.

These are the serious athletes performing death-defying tricks and displaying unfathomable muscular strength. Then there are also those who embrace the artistic side pole has to offer. The simplicity of a vertical apparatus is appealing in that so much can be created and so many stories can be told. Many of these dancers perform barefoot and have been known to incorporate modern dance, props and costumes into their routines. Finally the sexy side of pole is still practiced by many. These dancers usually wear heels. And although there is some debate within the community about which direction pole is heading, all three forms flourish, and many pole dancers enjoy all styles. There is something for everyone.

4. You need your skin exposed to grip the pole.

I am still surprised that people don’t understand this concept. In order for skin to grip the pole, pole dancers must have their legs, arms and stomach exposed. This is a safety concern. There are some grounded spins, poses, and floor work that can be performed while wearing pants. But in order to perform more advanced moves, we must have the proper amount of skin exposure. Most pole dancers do not have an issue with this at all, since our focus turns away from what our bodies look like and onto what they can do.

5. It can be dangerous without proper training.

Although pole dancing is fun, it is still a serious athletic endeavor that should not be taken lightly. Some people do not realize how challenging it is when first starting. In addition to the bruises, pole dancers can experience shoulder and/or back pain with improper technique or over training.

Some people don’t learn from from certified instructors and instead try to figure it out with an improperly installed home pole and a YouTube instructional, which is a recipe for disaster. Some people can be too eager to flip upside down. This can be especially dangerous and can lead to head or spinal cord injury. This caution isn’t meant to scare away hopefuls, but rather to encourage everyone to go through gradually progressive training.

pole dancing

6. Men can (and do!) pole dance.

The number of men pole dancing continues to grow every year. There are men’s divisions in competitions now, and I usually have at least one man in all the classes I take or teach. Men’s natural inclination toward upper body strength makes them ideal candidates for the sport.

There are many ancient forms of pole dancing such as Chinese pole and Mallakhamb, which have been performed throughout history and almost exclusively by men.

7. “Not having upper body strength” is not an excuse to not try it.

This is quite possibly the most irritating argument I hear against wanting to try pole dancing. There will always be hundreds of reasons not to try. Maybe you aren’t at your ideal weight, or you have two left feet, or you think you’re too old. Why not stop creating roadblocks? You’ll build skills as you grow and learn. That is part of what’s so inspiring and empowering about it.

Whether you’re uncoordinated and can’t lift your own body weight or you’re an athlete with gymnastic capabilities, there is always a new trick or transition to learn with pole dancing. The process of growth never ends and the possibilities can be as creative as your imagination allows them to be.

8. Even though pole dancing is growing in popularity, we still can be judged.

Despite progress in the public’s understanding of what we do, many of us still fight stereotypes. Some of pole dancing’s loudest critics have never tried it themselves. Just last year, Marina Heck, a schoolteacher, was forced to resign from her position following controversy that she is a pole dancer.

Even if what we are doing is completely athletic and far removed from the type of pole dancing performed in strip clubs, we still need to explain ourselves. Many times when revealing to strangers what it is I do, I find myself hesitating because I don’t feel like justifying my passion to a skeptic.

9. It’s not always so sexy. (And our significant others don’t get free shows all the time.)

Don’t get me wrong; Pole dancing can be very sexy. But it is not always as overtly sexual as people may believe. We end up with bruises, burns and scrapes from trying new moves. And although we may wear sports bras and tiny shorts when performing, we opt for comfort over fashion in between training sessions.

Our partners soon become all too familiar with pole dancing. We bring them to competitions, we send them videos, we practice the latest tricks at home, we talk about which grip aids work best.

Many spouses are affectionately referred to as “pole husbands.” They are supportive. But do they feel forbidden allure? Not so much.

10. The community is very tight-knit.

Because what we do is still considered taboo by many, there is a unique closeness that bonds us together. There are pole dancers of all professions, ethnicities, religions, cultures, sizes, and ages.

I have friends all over the world because of pole dancing. I have friends who have been able to travel the world because of it. We support each other through learning new moves. We share each others videos. We watch each other perform. This shared interest bonds us with a special understanding.

11. Pole dancing is emotionally healing.

This is one of the biggest reasons I’ve stuck with pole dancing as long as I have. The physical benefits are great, but the feeling you get from mastering a move or expressing a particular emotion is indescribable.

Just the other day, I assisted a student in her first climb. It was a huge deal for her and the expression of joy on her face reminded me why I do what I do.

You can dance out any emotion in class, whether joyful, angry or sad. The combination of athletic skill and artistic influence makes it incomparable to any other form of dance or sport. To me, it is both dance and sport woven together into one beautiful, athletic art form.

11 Things I Wish Everyone Knew About Pole Dancingoriginally posted on MindBodyGreen

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Donna Mae DePola

Women's History Month Spotlight: Donna Mae DePola – Founder

Donna Mae DePola

Name and Occupation?

Donna Mae DePola, Founder The Resource Training Center and The Resource Counseling Center


What do you love most about being a woman?
What I love most about being a woman, is that women can be ourselves at all times.  Our emotional being and feelings.  We are caretakers and women tend to fix things within other people’s hearts.  

What do you hate about being a woman?

That sometimes women don’t protect and respect each other.  Women can be overly critical about one another and judge women by the way they talk, dress or behave, rather than defend their right to do so.

Who or what influences you?

Besides, Oprah?  Powerful women who have made it in life, who may have struggled or may have been victims.  It is so wonderful to see a person who has been troubled, overcome their demons & come out of the shadows to helps others.  

Tell us something about you that would surprise us:

That in spite of my life I hold no animosity, nor am I a victim, but a survivor.  I don’t blame others for what I am responsible for, and take responsibility for my own life. I hope to continue to live by power of example for others who have survived what I have survived. 

 

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Women's History Month Spotlight: Sheela Sheena Langeberg – Multi Disciplinary Artist & Small Business Owner

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Name and Occupation?

Sheela Sheena Langeberg – A Multi Disciplinary Artist & Small Business Owner

What do you love most about being a woman?

I love being a woman because there’s nothing like it in the whole wide world. The fact that there’s this special beauty and humbleness that’s only granted to women, being it either physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually is really amazing! To me, being a woman means having a lot of abilities, cleverness, smartness, sharpness and swiftness.

Women are sacred. They have this power that’s only associated with their gender that can never be copied or altered. Women can be gentle and vulnerable and yet, they have an incredible strength, patience and tolerance. They are quick thinkers and multitaskers. Women are wise, sensitive and at times dangerous. To be able to carry a life inside you and give birth to another human being and be part of God’s all creation’s scheme is pretty magical!

I’m never attracted to women romantically, but I think women are sexy and attractive. My mother and the women in her family for example, are incredibly sexy and attractive. l love being a woman because womanhood is captivating, hilariously entertaining and spellbinding. As a woman I’m intuitive and connected to things and situations around me for most of the time. I’m also connected to the planets as well as the cosmos. I’m a woman, mother, sister and friend. I’m a leader, happy and free.

What do you hate about being a woman?

If I had power or an alternative, I’d abolish the monthly periods. I hate having them every month!

Who or what influences you?

I’m very much influenced by my mighty mother and the village women.

Tell us something about you that would surprise us: 

Some people think I’m extraordinaire. Some say I’m a genius. I have to just laugh.

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Barbara Pope Italian Girl Cover copy - web

Women's History Month Spotlight: Barbara Corrado Pope – Fiction Writer

Author-Barbara-Corrado-Pope-Image-

Name & Occupation:

Barbara Corrado Pope, fiction writer Professor Emerita, Women’s and Gender Studies, University of Oregon

What do I love about being a woman?

That I am living at a time and place that I can do anything that men can do. I have had an opportunity (as a historian) to see what women have achieved in the past and to inform others. I consider the ability to bear a child (and to choose when to have one) the special gift of womanhood in the late 20th- and early 21st- century. I also treasure my relationship with other women.

What don’t you like about being a woman?

That appearances matter so much. This is where men are SO MUCH luckier!

Who or  what influences you?

I’m more influenced by people around me, those I know, than by any “famous” person. I look at my friends and intimates, what they do, how kindly or graciously they do it, what they have achieved, and try to live up
to them as a friend, mother, partner, and daughter.

Something that would shock people?

I’m really boring! On the outside I seem quite practical and rational, part of my having been an administrator as well as a teacher/advisor. On the inside, I am a dreamer and a day-dreamer–but sorry, not going to tell you any more about that—not now!

Anything else you’d like to add?

I have  taught history and women’s studies in places as diverse as Hungary, Tuscany, the University of New Mexico, and Harvard Divinity School. Her longest period was at the University of Oregon, where she was the founding director of women’s studies. She is the author of Cézanne’s Quarry and The Blood of Lorraine, also featuring Bernard Martin and lives in Eugene, Oregon.

www.BarbaraCpope.com

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Women's History Month Spotlight: Sara-Jane Brocklehurst – Diversity Consultant

Sara Web 1

Name and Occupation:

Sara-Jane Brocklehurst , Self-employed as a Consultant specializing in diversity but spent the last two years being a modern day explorer traveling the world

 

What do you love about being a woman?

I love being strong and fearless but soft and feminine. I love being nurturing and caring and being able to give someone lots of love. I love my female body and how well it has held up to the test of time.

 

What do you hate about being a woman?

I hate the gender biases that occur from an occupational standpoint. I hate that people expect that you should have children just because you can. I hate that the media makes us feel bad about getting wrinkles and aging gracefully and that we are no good to anyone as we age since society seems to value young women over older women.

 

Something about you that would shock people?

That I spent 5 years building my own house – 80% all on my own – swinging the hammer myself. But did it in style wearing pearls the whole time! 🙂 I also have shocked people when I tell them how I survived being crushed by a log which broke 10 ribs, punctured a lung, blew out my knee and dislocated my clavicle – but fully recovered and am as strong as before!

You can find out more about me from the blog I have kept since I started traveling the world at www.sarajanespersonalodyssey.ca

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Women's History Month Spotlight: Vannessa Wade – PR Specialist

Vannessa Pic

Name and Occupation:
Vannessa Wade PR Specialist

What do you love about being a woman?
The ability to multitask and inspire women to be bold and fierce while still being a woman. The undeniable mark I get to make in the community and business world while juggling three or four other things.

What do you hate about being a woman?
I think it falls under the way women are portrayed as either helpless, needy, sex object or a hard nose. In reality women know how to stick together and how to get things going. We aren’t always at one another throats and we certainly know how to support one another visions. Despite what is shown on TV and in songs we don’t all behave the same way.

Who influences you?
People who decide to live their lives without regret. Women and men who see opportunities and help others reach their goals.I am influenced by women who have been knocked down, stepped on and still made a choice to get up and receive the good that life has to offer. Those who have the courage to start over even when it is embarrassing. I am influenced by women who own who they are and are happy in their own skin.

Something about you that would surprise people?
I know the lyrics to Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems by Biggie and Diddy.

Anything else you`d like to add?
It is time for sisterhood! Not constant fights and I am better than you type of shows. But real and transparent relationships. My best friends have seen me at my best ( money, clothing, etc) and my worse (extreme sickness and depression) they respect me and boost me up even on my worst day.

Also, in in 2010 I had a major Sickle Cell Crisis that nearly resulted in death. I was unable to walk for weeks and the crisis did extensive damage to the nerves in my legs. As women we have to accept life as it happens and learn to adjust without losing faith in ourselves. Now, I share my stories with students and others about how to bonce back when life does not play out the way we think it should.

www.connectthedotspr.com

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