There are unlimited ways to get a girl or woman in the “mood”. You can do it the old fashion way or your can be unique and come up with your own techniques. Let’s look at some methods of how to turn a girl on that I recommend.
The Right Setting:
The right place at the right time is how the old saying goes and with that echoing in your mind make sure the place you choose is going to be conducive to your goals. Having a girl over for dinner is always a good move, especially if you cook the meal yourself.
If cooking is not your forte, have it catered. Italian food is always best and can include a few bottles of wine. Don’t buy takeaways, remember you’re are trying to turn the girl on not turn her off and a Big Mac dinner set from McDonald’s will indeed do that. The next step is to have your house or apartment clean.
Run a vacuum cleaner around the place and put any dirty laundry in the hamper. Make sure that the toilet and bathroom are clean – you don’t want the girl, when using the bathroom, to see any telling stains in the bowl. Next, set the table so that is resembles that of a plush restaurant; it’ll add to the ambiance.
The Lighting and Music:
Keep the lighting in the room low. Candles are good on the table and will help her relax. Make sure the kitchen light isn’t shining into the dining room; killing the atmosphere. If your living room is part of the dining area, make sure the entire room has soft lighting.
The kind of music you intend to play is also important. You’re going to kill the wonder of the evening if you juxtapose the Rolling Stones with James Taylor. Personally I’d have Cat Stevens’ “Tea for the Tillerman” album creating atmosphere during dinner.
Some people like to have classical music playing in the background. I believe, however, that it really depends on your dinner guest’s preference. If she is into Beethoven, Brahms and the music of other composers from two hundred years ago, then by all means let their tunes fill her ears. You may want to find out what kind of music she likes before dinner.
What you talk about is as important as what you eat. Keep the conversation lively and up-beat. If, at the beginning of the evening, the conversation is heavy or deep, you’re either going to make her eat quickly and look for her coat or eat slowly and fall asleep through boredom.
Talk about things she likes – fashion, movies, things she is into and so forth. As host for the evening you should be constantly entertaining. Avoid lulls in the conversation and you can do this through humor and light banter.
Have enough booze ready. If she is a cocktail drinker, make sure there is enough of the drink she likes, in stock. You don’t want to be running out to a liquor store in the middle of the evening for another bottle of white wine. Alcohol is what will loosen up the evening.
After eating, move into the living room and sit together of the sofa. Make sure her glass is always full. This is probably the best time to change the CD. Ask her what she would like to hear. If she asks you to put on “One Direction”, swallow hard and put that boy group’s music on.
You may have to call it up on your computer. As the evening progresses so too should you. With the alcohol having its effect, you’ll know when it is time to make your advances on her. She will be expecting you to make the first move.
So, you have the ideal place, the ideal food, lighting and music the rest is, as they say, as easy as falling off a log. The ambiance alone will turn her on and the next morning you’ll wake up together in the same bed. How to turn a girl on? You now know.
Alex is an expert in dating fields. He provides free advice on how to get a date and how to get a girl to like you topics on his blog. Feel free to visit his blog to get more info on these topics.
Wouldn’t it be fantastic if you could avoid ever dating the wrong guy?
This is for all of you single ladies out there! After years of dead-end relationships and broken promises from (now) ex-boyfriends, I consider myself a bit of a relationship connoisseur. Not that I have by any means mastered the art of dating; however, I have dated so much and so many different guys that I have cataloged the major blunders that all-too often us ladies do not recognize or perhaps even choose to overlook. The result? A list of the three types of men that should be avoided by all women and at all costs—they inevitably will lead you nowhere!
1. The Unenthusiastic.
Be wary of the man who is secretly a real bore. Despite his continual taking you to dinner or out to the movies, does he ever actually get you geared up for something truly exciting and fantastic? Chances are that if you find that your courtship is pretty middle-of-the-road hum drum, the man has no true zest or passion.
I can think of one man in particular that I dated that I had thought was a real catch. He had a steady job, a nice family, and held a pleasant conversation. However, a few months into the relationship, I realized that nothing really ever got him going, despite my getting rallied up about the NFL playoffs, pushing for an exciting getaway to Mardi Gras, or something as simple as insisting that we build a fort in the living room and stay up all night. Instead, he resorted to his claim that sports didn’t matter to him, that Mardi Gras sounded a bit too crazy, and that staying up past 11pm would make him tired at the office. Though I remained considerate (I would never have wanted his job to have been in jeopardy, for example), it became readily apparent to me that the guy lacked enthusiasm—for anything!
Sealing the deal (marriage) only leads to a couples’ needing to work harder to keep it exciting. If already he demonstrates an inability to enjoy life—but merely endures it—consider how less-than-stellar your own future will be!
2. The Insecure.
Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities about a person. A confident individual exudes poise and assertion in self. Consequently, insecurity is one of the most unattractive qualities a person can have. If you find that you are constantly walking on eggshells when differences of opinion emerge, most likely the man is diffident.
Yet another example from my own life: I once dated a man who (on the outside) appeared totally with it. However, I soon came to find that our varied backgrounds and cultural differences were cause for concern to him—when really it should have been an exciting opportunity for both of us to learn from each other and ultimately grow as a couple. By the time we broke it off, I realized he had caused me to have certain doubts about myself: whether my spontaneity was a likeable quality, whether my crazy family was more bothersome than usual, and whether my job as a freelance writer was interesting. The takeaway? The guy had some serious insecurities about himself that he transposed onto me. Remember, no one—especially a significant other—should ever make you feel that your stellar qualities are reasons that inspire doubt. If he does, it’s simply a sign that he is unsure of himself.
3. The Indifferent.
There’s nothing more aggravating than having that friend who could not care any less where you choose to go out for dinner or which flick to check out at the box office. That being said, why would you ever want to date someone who acts in like manner?
Though it may not be obvious at the onset of the relationship, take note of the incidences where you find yourself asking, Why isn’t he doing better? Pause for a moment—this does NOT mean that it is OK to pass wrongful judgment on a person because he is not a CFO or does not drive a Jaguar. However, there are certain red flags that should cause you to question his drive—or lack thereof.
Final example: I once dated (another) guy that was 30 years old. Initially, I was excited to be dating a “real man” and not the childish 24-year-old fraternity boy from months previous. However, within a few months, I realized that his attitude was one of perpetual mediocrity: he had a middling job despite having been in that career for nearly a decade (and no ambition to move forward in the company), he was totally complacent about living with five other men (and at his age), and he had a bit of a gut (yet no resolve to be working on getting in shape). It occurred to me that a 30-year-old man ought to be excited about the direction his career is going, looking to buy a home (or at least living in nicer circumstances than when he was a freshman in college), and eager to be in peak physical condition. It’s inappropriate to demand perfection—but it’s not unacceptable to expect that a 30-year-old should be working to be at the highest level of success in every area of his life (let’s face it—you are!).
Take it from me ladies: spare yourself the heartache and avoid dating these three types of men as soon as you see any indication that he exemplifies the above qualities. Whether he works for a team of Bankruptcy Trustees in Edmonton or is a lone financial analyst who works with stocks in East Albany, no man is worth the inevitable despondency that accompanies the unenthusiastic, the insecure and the indifferent.
Annie Babbitt is a freelance journalist and blogger who enjoys writing about her interest in dating and relationships, current events, and employment-related issues. As part of her freelance work she sometimes does consulting for Exelby & Partners LTD. In her spare time, Annie enjoys reading and trying new foods.
Victor’s Tips To Keep You Fucking Your Fuck Buddy
That is kind of the basic thought I take on with Fuck buddies. I avoid anything that can lead to a relationship, that means spending time together, staying over, eating together, going out, etc. I make sure that it is an arrangement defined and kept private. I let them know that it is a relationship that requires controlling your emotions, all about having good sex, and it requires sexual confidence and maturity.
By Makoo L.
It’s well known and a joke among many that men and women seem to be from different planets. They think different and have a different way of seeing things. An example would be the difference in their emotional actions and reasoning.
What sometimes happens is you might get upset over something your guy said. You may have taken what he said wrong only because of the way it came across when he really meant no harm. This could leave you giving him the silent treatment and your guy wondering what the heck happened.
When a relationship get this way there is a lot of tension and the arguments and fighting start. Fortunately it does not have to be like that. When you figure out some simple truths about men then you will be able to better figure them out and that can make your relationship a lot less stressful. Below are some tips to get you started.
1. It may not make sense but your guy loves you just the way you are. But, he would really like you to never change from the person you were when he first met you. As we get older and become comfortable in our relationships we can start to take each other for granted and lose some of who we once were.
2. Have you ever asked him what he was thinking about and he says nothing? You may believe there is no way he is thinking about nothing but the truth is it can be true. He is not hiding anything from you or not sharing his thoughts. He is just in his own world not worrying about things at that moment.
3. Men have a different way of displaying their love to their girlfriends, wives and family. They may have a deep love for them but you won’t see it out in the open as you would with women. They are more internal with their feeling so it can be deceiving at times. Don’t expect him to tell you how much he loves you every day but you can be sure the love is there.
4. Even though he would like to see you the same as when you first met, he also does not want to change himself. He would be happy to sit in his favorite chair each night, resist exercising or fight the temptation to improve his diet. So if you start to push him to make changes you may see him putting up some resistance.
Once you have a grasp of these simple things about men you may be able to navigate your relationship a bit better. Let’s hope you will gain a renewed appreciation and your relationship grows stronger.
Are you having a low point in your relationship or have recent experienced a break up?
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Makoo_L.
By Keri Murphy
You have probably heard the old saying, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” And when if comes to minor hassles in our daily lives- spilled milk, traffic on the way to work, a late bus- that couldn’t be more applicable. Even in our personal relationships it seems like a solid rule of thumb. Do you really need to worry about what is for dinner or who took out the garbage last? It is far better to save your energy for the issues that have more significant repercussions.
However there is some “small stuff” in all types of relationships: love, friendship and business that shouldn’t be ignored or neglected.
A simple phone call from a friend to check in, a love note left of the kitchen counter or an employee that stays late to meet a deadline. We easily dismiss these behaviors as unimportant or even come to expect them, but they represent the intimacy, connection and respect we build in our relationships.
If you find yourself taking these small things for granted, it’s time to step back and take notice. When was the last time you thanked an employee for a job well done? Have you reminded your significant other of one of the many things that you love about him/her? Do you take time at the end of the day to read your kids a bedtime story?
“It is the simple things in life that mean the most, and it’s the simple things that will make the big things seems bigger.”
In business, there is a natural tendency to “think big”, but “thinking small” actually helps managers relate on a day to day basis with their employees. Employee surveys consistently show that the single most important factor in employee engagement is an employee’s relationship with his or her direct manager. Emphasis is put on driving business, smooth operations, meeting deadlines and keeping budgets, but in order for a manager to successfully present these ideas and motivate to their employees, it comes own to moment-to-moment interactions. Ultimately this is what will determine how an employee feels about their supervisor.
In love, we are always vying for the attention and connection from our partner. Dr. John Gottman, a well-respected scholar and clinician, has done extensive research on the demands for emotional involvement, which he labels as “bids for emotional connection”. These include, bids for…
These are simple components of relationships and even friendships that often get pushed to the side, but we need to pay attention to each others needs and be present and fully participate in the relationships we have. It has been proven; that the more positive everyday interactions between partners, the better communication there is, the more likely they are to feel satisfied in their relationship and the less likely they are to feel lonely.
Here are a few “little things” that can be applied to any relationship to show you care.
Return Messages Quickly- this is simple and appreciated. Ignoring your employees messages or waiting a long time to respond, gives the impression that their questions or issues are not important. What if a friend is calling to give you exciting news and you don’t get back to them for a week? How do you think that person will feel? Being prompt in your responses shows how much you care, and in the grand scheme of things, is making a 5-minute phone really going to set you back that far in your schedule?
Express Appreciation- Never underestimate the power of a sincere, well-timed thank you. It is such a simple gesture that is often forgotten or neglected. We all like to hear that our efforts are appreciated, so be sure to let those around you know how they have been able to help you.
Be on Time- It is common courtesy, time is valuable, so be respectful of others time. Your spouse is expecting you for a family dinner they spent the afternoon preparing, be home when you say you will. Would you leave a client hanging for an important meeting, then why do that to your partner? At the office, being late to a meeting sends the message that your time is more valuable than your employees. You want the respect of your staff, right? It is that simple.
Take a Genuine Interest- In your employees. In your kid’s after school activities. In a close friends work promotion. Learn the details of the lives of those your surround yourself with. Honest interest and concern for things they have going will not go unnoticed and will be rewarded with loyalty.
Be There- this is as fundamental as it gets. You can’t manage effectively or build a relationship if you are not available, both physically and/or emotionally. We all want people in our lives that we can count on and trust. Making a conscious effort to be “available” will make you more approachable and warm.
So, yes, we really do need to sweat the small stuff, because the small stuff is important! Starting now, take the time to really show appreciation and love for the people in your life. Not only will you bring more joy to their lives, but relationships will become more fulfilling and bring more to your own life as well!
Keri Murphy and the Inspired Living team is on a mission to empower people to use their unique talents in a way that allows them to Dream, Live and BE all that is possible through speaking, coaching, celebrity interviews and original on-line content. Get Inspired at http://www.inspiredliving.tv
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Keri_Murphy
By Cheryl T.
Don’t portray yourself as bashful if you are really flamboyant. Some people’s personalities clash with those of other people. You want be able to keep up the facade for long. Besides, you don’t want to waste anyone’s time or cause them unnecessary suffering. Your mate will sense that something about you is not on the up-and-up and either lose interest or begin distancing himself from you if he is already emotionally involved.
Check-out your male friends
While you are hanging out with the fellows, pay attention to the ones that you enjoy being around the most. Take note of the things they have in common. For example, do they all have the same zodiac sign, do the same type of work, or are they all around the same age? It would be a good idea to pursue this type of guy more seriously.
Confide in the opposite sex
Your female friends and acquaintances may not know as much about men as they think they do. And much of what many of them think they know is speculation. You don’t interact with women the same as you do with men. So your male counterparts will be better able to tell you what issues you have that are keeping you from getting a man.
Know your place in his life
Take into consideration what is going on in your life right now. Are you experiencing emotional or financial hardship? There’s a good chance that you are not ready for a relationship. The guy you are interested in pursuing at this time may have only come into your life to deliver a message or only as a friend. If you do become involved at this time, he may become overwhelmed by your issues and walk away. Or then again he may stick around—preventing you from meeting or keeping the next guy you were meant to have a relationship with in the future.
Behave as if you already have a man
Mean are known for liking and disliking certain things about women. They are attracted to and want to be around women who are well-groomed, active, and friendly.
Get rid of any preconceived notions you have about men
This doesn’t mean you should throw caution to the wind. But if you approach and treat each member of the opposite sex as if the are likeable and worthy of love and affection, your experience with them can be unique and enjoyable.
By Sophia Elise and Sarah Adelle
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist you’re living in hell on earth. A narcissist is someone who constantly belittles you at the drop of a hat. A narcissist makes you feel like a peasant while he is the king of not only his domain but yours. You spend every waking moment catering to their every wish, while all your wishes never come true. A narcissist doesn’t care about your wishes, hopes, dreams, feelings, judgment or needs. A narcissist only cares about their own, and so should you or you will be sorry.
You may try to keep the peace, but with a narcissist, peace is impossible. They create standards you can never reach, so you will fail again and again and it is up to them to dish out your punishment. And dish it out they will. Since you are all alone with your thoughts and feelings and are unable to verbalize them or exhibit them, you will feel like a robot, and a very lonely robot to boot. How did someone so promising and charming hide the fact that they are a narcissist? How did you not see this coming?
A narcissist is always different in the beginning of a relationship, way different. They come across as prince charming, sweep you off your feet and place you on this pedestal and treat you in a way you thought only happened in fairytales. Once you have fallen under their spell, a narcissist then lets his facade crumble. Not to the outside world though. Just in your personal life. They maintain their image for all the world to see, but allow you to see what is behind the mask, and it is what nightmares are made of.
A relationship with a narcissist is a one way street. The street leads towards them, and away from you. When you are in a relationship with a narcissist you must constantly cater to them and build and maintain their inflated ego and sense of self. At the expense of your own self esteem, dignity, and ego. Compassion will rarely be given to you by a narcissist, but they expect and demand it from you.
The term “double standards” is perfect to describe a relationship with a narcissist. It is all about them, and has nothing to do with you. They get the praise, you get the complains and reprimands. They have the say on everything, you are afraid to say anything and better keep your mouth shut. If they are not happy, you will not be allowed to be happy either. A narcissist doesn’t care about your happiness, they are only concerned with their own.
Since narcissists are so in love with themselves, they cannot really be capable of really loving you because they can never put you first. Sure, if you try and end things with a narcissist they may go overboard to get you back. But is it really because they love you and will change? No, it is for their own ego, they do not want to be abandoned. THEY can leave YOU, but you cannot leave THEM. So how do you know if you are involved with a narcissist as a friend, lover or family tie?
A narcissist has an over inflated ego and thinks they are above others and look down on everyone else they deem not up to their standards. Because they are special, rules do not apply to them. To everyone else, yes, but to them, no. A narcissist has delusions of grandeur. They are not ordinary so why should they have an ordinary wife, ordinary kids and ordinary job or an ordinary house? That may be good enough for “other people” but not for them. They have a sense of entitlement like no one you have ever met before or since. They think other people are jealous of them or out to get them.
Narcissists feel you should be able to take criticism from them, and they will give it to you constantly. However, you cannot criticize them for ANYTHING. They will also twist your words and take things you say in a critical way when you did not mean it that way. They will have temper tantrums when they are unhappy over any little thing.
Narcissists will keep you guessing. One day they act like all is wonderful and they adore you, the next day, they are as cold as ice and treat you like a stranger or an enemy. A narcissist cannot sympathize or empathize with anyone other than themselves. Other peoples feelings, unless it is to get what something from them, are irrelevant.
If you feel you are in a relationship with a narcissist and need guidance please consult with us at psychiclifecoach.com and we will empower you to find your way out of this relationship or provide insights that will help turn this relationship around.
When going through a divorce, both men and women suffer and have a hard time getting back to normal. While this is part of the natural grieving process, men have it harder for a few distinct reasons. Here are three reasons why divorce is usually more difficult on men than women.
The odds: When going to court, a man will receive second class treatment from the judge and the rest of the people in court. When determining custody and alimony or child support, a man will likely forfeit most of his income even when he does not make a lot of money. Furthermore, women often file false domestic violence claims or tell the court that their husband does not act responsibly around children. When this happens, a guy will have to listen to lectures from the judge and is likely to lose custody or rarely get to see his children except on weekends. To top it off, women in the United States initiate divorce 70 percent of the time; in reality, men do not want to get a divorce as they prefer to use counseling or other methods to fix the underlying issue. Unfortunately, the court system essentially rubber stamps the paperwork and does whatever the attorney of the woman asks. This is often the case as men, sadly, think they can work out the problem and still care about their wives who know just see their soon ex-husband as a cash cow.
Tough guy: Sadly, many men hide their feelings and nobody knows how they truly feel in any given situation. Since men have smaller social circles, they often avoid leaving the house except for work and other essential things. This is even more common right after a man loses the custody battle, which is inevitable in most cases since women routinely get full-custody when showing up to court and asking. To combat this problem, a man should seek mental health help and go out of his way to spend time with family and friends. Furthermore, when dealing with loneliness, a guy should try to go to the gym, ride his bike and get back into shape. A man must remember that he has plenty of people on his side, and in tough times he should call them for advice and a shoulder to lean on; otherwise, when faced with isolation and trying to avoid the underlying problem, a man may suffer from depression and exacerbate the problem.
Treatment: When divorcing, a woman is the hero as people will assume she was a strong woman who took charge and left her loser husband. On the other hand, many people treat recently divorced men in a different light. When going out to events, dealing with mutual friends or even going to work, many will act as though the man made serious mistakes. In fact, even when a woman cheats and ends the marriage, some people will blame the man and assume he made the mistake and was not a quality husband. On the other hand, if a man is not faithful or fails to meet his obligations, people ostracize him from his own community and treated like a horrible human being. Over time, this treatment will get worse as some men, when faced with this mentality, start drinking or abusing drugs.
A man should get a great divorce attorney to help him through the stressful and expensive process. Sadly, many guys are too tough and they end up hurting more than necessary. A man must remember that a divorce is serious, and it is okay to go through the grieving process of a while.
Dexter Smith is a blogger for Tips on Divorce. After going through a divorce himself, he enjoys offering divorce help for men and women.
People who cheat think they are getting ahead, but they are only fooling themselves. Not only are players cheating themselves, but their actions reflect what they carry inside, a lack of maturity and an unhealthy development into adulthood.
When I hear men who are players call their women insecure, I realize that this is the man speaking out of a guilty conscious and using a primitive defense mechanism called Projection. Usually, men attribute their own undesirable thoughts and feelings onto their women who do not have those thoughts and feelings. Does this sound familiar? Little do these men know, they are the ones who are insecure in themselves.
Read full story via Why Players Are Really Just Insecure Men | UrbSocietyMagazine.
The differences between men and women go beyond physiology and genetics. Gender and gender identity affects the way we think, act and communicate amongst ourselves and not a single member of the human race has a choice in it! Understanding men has been a challenge for women since the dawn of the modern dating scene, full of liberty and free expression, yet also loaded with uncertainty and many opportunities for error. Often, the biggest lapse in men and women creating a connection with one another is the lack of understanding between the gender gap: women seek different signals, qualities and types of experiences as opposed to men. Understanding men as a gender has too often been reduced to what they want sexually, not emotionally. Yet, the formula for a relationship’s success greatly differs and requires all areas of need to be focused upon. Understanding men doesn’t have to be difficult, but it takes a bit of dedication! After all, it isn’t what you’re used to.
Though the genders don’t like to admit it, there are universal truths that are key to understanding men and women individually. Women often have trouble understanding that there needs differ and are often the polar opposite of what men need! For instance, men aren’t as big of talkers as women. Talk is often considered cheap and a facilitator of drama, but encouraging to take action and figure things out are highly favorable for most. In short, “talking things out” to men may not sound as glamorous and conclusive as it does to women. Because talking isn’t always the magic key, remember this when it comes to wondering what men don’t say. If something is on their minds, they’ll express it one way or another! Don’t be offended when men say, “Nothing is wrong”. Upon asking, inhibiting communication and deliberately choosing to use social cues often isn’t in the interest of men. Straightforwardness is key and actions speak louder than words!
Men find incredible value in free expression, humor and other quirks. Most of the time, making the most pristine appearances and spending an hour doing makeup every day isn’t what they admire most about their women. It’s the jokes, the laughs, the most embarrassing or spontaneous moments of fun that make the memories. Men tend to love women that appreciate their jokes or their most candid moments. Crudeness and uncleanliness is hated by everyone, but don’t think that being fallible is something that will scare away men! In fact, being too persnickety can become a deal-breaker for the more lighthearted, laid-back man. Nobody’s perfect, and the imperfections are what make all of us unique and desirable in our own ways.
Perhaps the largest misconception about men is their supposed fear of commitment. This couldn’t be furthest from the truth! What men really crave is stability and a mutual understanding of where things are going. Containment, or being trapped, is what is feared by men. Open up! The key to understanding men, or any individual, is realizing that a dedicated relationship is not a bad thing, but a conditional or imprisoned relationship is. Men need their space and what makes them most comfortable, but who is to say that this special comfort space doesn’t include you, an accessible area for honest and open conversation and the ability to watch the game once in a while? Put trust into the men that you’re dealing with, and they’ll subsequently do their best to assure that they’re trustworthy. Taking the time to understand the minds of men as logical thinkers, action-takers and consistent decision-makers can go a long way in building the productivity of any relationship!
More helpful tips about relationship at relationship.selfimprovementprogram.info
Secrecy is a thorny issue in relationships. Couples often struggle with knowing what can be held back and what should be revealed between each other. There can be confusion between a desire for private time and a feeling that one’s partner is hiding something from us. Not all secrets are created equal; some are small and innocuous while others can rip the fabric of a relationship to shreds. Planning a surprise birthday party for ones spouse or hiding the destination for a special evening out are secrets that enhance a relationship and build connection. These secrets show our partner that we are thinking about them and care about their happiness and the well being of the relationship. Some secrets seem small but slowly erode trust. Fear of a spouse’s reaction can cause us to begin to hide something that we purchased or to say that we were at the office when we were with friends. A distance will begin to grow between us and our spouse bit by bit until we are looking across a huge chasm at him or her.
Other secrets can wreak havoc on the very foundation of a relationship. These secrets are actions, beliefs or parts of ourselves that we deliberately keep hidden out of fear of its impact on ourselves or our partner or what the revelation will do to our relationship. Affairs, drug and alcohol use, sexual orientation or pornography are examples of secrets that one fears will have disastrous consequences if revealed or discovered. Secrets of this nature erode trust and security and create a chasm that makes it difficult for a couple to feel close and truly connected. A person who is holding secrets will begin to create a false persona that they will hide behind in order to keep the secret hidden. Over time this mask begins to take on a sense of authenticity to the secret holder (this is who I show the world that I am so this must be who I really am). When secrets of this nature are discovered or revealed they shake the underpinnings of a relationship and create feelings of betrayal, vulnerability and insecurity in one’s partner. It is difficult and sometimes impossible for couples to recover from revelations of this kind.
Privacy on the other hand is “the state of being alone: the state of being away from other people, hidden from public view” (Merriam-Webster dictionary). Private matters may include our beliefs, fantasies, or daydreams. While private matters can sometimes be mixed with feelings of shame (how will others judge me if they know what I really am or what I really think) in general, the revelation of private matters gives one’s partner insight into whom we really are. Sharing private matters with one’s partner will expand the knowledge and understanding that you each have for the other, which creates trust and deepens security. The more we know about our partner the stronger the emotional bond that exists between us.
Creating privacy in a relationship is a way of setting boundaries around that part of us that yearns for time alone to develop a deeper sense of Self. We all need time to ourselves, time to listen to our inner thoughts, time to relax and refresh from the busyness of our lives. Privacy is an important component of relationship and should be built into all relationships to strengthen the bonds between partners.
Couples often struggle with the difference between private time and secrets. A discussion with your spouse about a need for privacy is necessary in order to help you both to determine how much alone time feels acceptable to each of you. Honesty about our feelings and a willingness to share this with our partner creates a closeness and openness that ultimately brings the confidence and security of a strong healthy relationship.
To read other relationship articles please visit: catherine-morris.com/articles.htm and learn about all of the ways you and your partner can create a stronger and more vibrant relationship. Feel free to forward this newsletter to anyone that you feel will benefit from it.
If you find that the distance between you and your partner is so great that you cannot find the path back to each other, please contact me for a FREE phone consultation. We can then decide how I may be able to help you as a marriage therapist. I can be reached at: 650-289-9972 or via email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
When mum-of-two Maria Butzki left her husband Paul for another man, she didn’t realise how much she’d miss him.
At the same time, she couldn’t imagine living without her new lover Peter Gruman.
So when the two men struck up an extraordinary friendship, she came up with the perfect solution… and moved Peter into the family home in Barking, East London.
Now Maria, 33, Paul, 37, their two children, Laura, 16, and Amy, 12, and Peter, 36, live as one big happy family.
“People might think it’s weird but I love both men and couldn’t choose between them,” says Maria, a housing liaison officer.
“When I left Paul there was a huge hole in my life. But the thought of never seeing Peter again was heartbreaking. So living with both men is the only way.”
Read full article via Husband, wife and lover all live together – Mirror Online.
By Tina Tessina
Ready To Get Back Out There? 3 Must Knows
Men and women have to redefine themselves after a relationship ends, and reinvent their lives. If they do it well, it can lead to the most satisfying and successful years they’ve had. Dating successfully after divorce or a breakup require several steps to recover from the breakup.
Some people never date again or don’t do so for a long time. People who wait a long time, or never date are trying to avoid repeating old mistakes and having hurt feelings, loss, disappointment and grief. This is akin to not changing anything in your departed partner’s closet, because you don’t want to face the pain. A better way to do it is to work through the pain, and learn from it as you go. You can figure out what went wrong, what your mistakes were, and how to correct all that and re-think your idea of relationships. This may require the help of a therapist.
Once you’ve taken the steps needed to recover from a breakup, finding a new love is simple, because you’ve changed the odds to be in your favor. But there are a few tips to help you as you start dating again.
1. Don’t have sex right away with your new partner.
Keep in mind that, if you have sex right away, it usually brands the relationship as sex -only and you don’t get taken seriously. So, if you want to see if you can manage it, pick someone you’re attracted to, but realize there’s no relationship there. Also, if you are the type who bonds upon having sex, keep that in mind — your partner may not be, so make sure there’s some bonding there before you try it.
2. Take precautions when you do have sex.
Safer sex, of course. If you’re female, don’t just worry about pregnancy — make sure you’re informed about disease, as well. Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) can be deadly and devastating, so always provide a condom and insist on using it unless you’re both tested and in a committed relationship (with someone you can trust).
3. Deal with the awkwardness of sex with a new partner.
I recommend the zen idea of a beginner’s mind: Accept that everything you’re doing now is new to you, and open yourself to learning about it. Wide-eyed wonder at whatever happens is very attractive. I’m not talking about being brainless or thoughtless. On the contrary. A beginner’s mind is alert, observing, and open to new ideas. Your objective is to learn – about what people are doing, who they are, what the possibilities are and how it all fits in to your goals.
Everything you’ve learned about relationships and dating in your past is certainly useful, and you’ll draw on it as we go along, but your general approach to this process is as a beginner — ‘I’m new at this, I want to learn.’ Because you are a beginner, you can open lots of conversations by simply asking questions about what’s going on.
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