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10 Tips To Bust The Blues

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By Bridget Geegan Blanton

1.) Master Your Thoughts

The truth of the matter is that we believe whatever we tell ourselves. Be intentional in your thinking and internalize messages of hope, beauty and strength. Become an observer of your thoughts. Practice the habit of reining yourself back into the present moment and away from the scattered energy of colliding thoughts. An obvious clue that you are no longer grounded in the here and now, is an interior dialog that is projected into the future or mired in the past. You are the guardian of the thoughts that enter your mind. You can deny access to concepts that aren’t helpful. This takes practice, but you’ll have plenty of opportunity. Master yourself by guarding which thoughts you permit yourself to reflect on. Toss the negative ones and replace them with statements of empowerment. Believe that you are calm as you walk through chaos and your spiritual self, will cooperate. Decide that you are capable, worthy and strong and your actions will reflect these truths. Let it resonate deep within that everything will work out and this peace will uplift your spirit.

2.) Disrupt your routine.

Imagine yourself in a place that you’ve always wanted to be, in the midst of actually fulfilling a facet of your destiny. Begin by stepping outside of your comfort zone. This is the time and the place to go big, think lofty thoughts and take risks. Go after what you truly desire. Shake things up. Look straight ahead, breathe deeply and cross the threshold of your dreams. You already possess the courage within to take that first step. Remember it’s a journey. Remain open to possibility and learn to discern a moment of opportunity as you work towards whatever it is that sets your soul ablaze.

3.) Get out of your own head.

Set yourself free by lending a hand to a person, a project or a cause. Volunteer work often helps us more than the intended recipient. Become a light in another person’s life. We’re not out to save the world, this is about making a difference. Our donation of time, money or material things is not measured by the size of our contribution, but by the love behind it.

4.) Communicate with the outside world.

Place a call to one of your favorite persons on the planet. They know you inside and out. Let them in. In their company, you are safe and you are loved. In whichever way you are able to connect with them, understand that in this place, there is no judgement. Take off the mask that you wear out in the world and reveal your true self. In the hands of this caring person, your vulnerability is protected not exposed. This is a peaceful inlet in a calm harbor far from the storm. Visit for a while and re-build your strength. This person is an oasis of acceptance. Go be with them.

5.) Read a spiritual book.

Sitting down with a bit of spiritual reading succeeds in liberating us from the day and all of its stress, busyness and worry. It provides a time for reflection from our center. Being open to the subject and the direction of the reading material assists us in recognizing a word or a phrase to take with us once we return to our day. Listen as you read, something may resonate with you. This is exactly what you need to take away. Examine it throughout the day. What does it reveal? There is no judgement here, no criticism, simply be open to the experience. When we are stirred from within, it can be a key to something locked inside of us.

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6.) Get Active

Go for a run. Schedule a yoga class. Start treating your hard-working body with a little respect and strengthen it through a Pilates class. Sweat equity rewards you with mood boosting endorphins. Engage in physical activity regularly and keep those dividends coming your way on a daily basis.

7.) Get Creative

Create a collage. Play around with watercolor paints. Stop by your local craft store and pick up a few supplies or sign-up for a class. Write a poem. Transfer a melody playing in your mind down to notes and into a song. As we all know, listening to music can instantly improve our mood. As you paint, write or work with clay, fill the room with beautiful music. Through creativity, we express our feelings. As we work, we contemplate a myriad of emotions and often experience a breakthrough that sustains us once we return to the world. Visit an art gallery and be inspired by the truly artistic souls that inhabit this planet. Their artist’s eye that has been culled by years of applied effort can awaken something deep within your own soul.

8.) Meditate

Release the mind from its preoccupation with thinking. Allow for meditation daily. Notice how new and fresh your perspective feels following this time well spent. We need to enter the silence and quiet the chaos of our thoughts in order for God to fill us with truth. Focus on the fact that you’re putting forth the effort. Don’t worry about the quality of your experience. Embrace your imperfect way of beginning a new practice. As you continue to meditate, you’ll make progress in this all important act of contemplation.

9.) Brew a cup of tea

Partake in the ceremony and the restorative power of brewing up a calming, cup of tea. Inhale the swirls of tea leaf perfume that waft up from your favorite mug. Studies have shown that the amino acid theanine, which is present in tea, is a contributing factor to tea’s many psychological benefits. Find a comfy spot and curl up in your favorite chair with a good book and sip and read and escape for a while. Take a break. You are worthy of it and it will do you a world of good.

10.) Seek wonder and pause in gratitude.

The light show that happens most evenings at sunset can fill you with awe. Rejoice in the colors painted across the darkening sky and let it fill your mind with innovative thoughts. Take a moment to thank God for all the good things in your life despite any hassles you are moving through. Consider simple things like shelter, food, people in your life whom you love and who love you. Remember that whatever your current problem might be, this too, shall pass. Accept everything just as it is, without resistance. You are a spiritual being, so take life as lightly as a feather floating down. The wind may buffet it about and it may land in a puddle, but the sun will come out, it always does. Engage in your journey with all of your heart and soul. Make time for beautiful moments and guard the entrance to your mind. The gift of mindful presence should only be extended to those thoughts that empower you. Life is what you make it, so create a beautiful one for yourself.

Bridget’s writing career as a newspaper columnist, a web-site contributor, content writer and French language translator has found new expression as a novelist. Whispers on the Wind, Bridget’s debut novel was the first installment in the Celtic Heart historical fiction series that continues with A Woman’s Equal Share. Join her E-zine and you’ll receive a free E-book: ‘Essential Oil Diffuser Blends and other Beneficial Recipes’ just for subscribing. http://www.desertrosebooks.com

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Top Story: 7 Choices You Will Regret in 7 Years

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By Siimon Sander

If only…” These two words lead to regret.

Here are 7 choices, which lead to regret, and how to elude them.

1. Not being yourself (unless you are a creep)

This is the hardest and most important one. How often we try to act like others to fit in? It could be the little things: buying new gadgets, dressing certain way or even acting like somebody else. Stop impressing people, who don’t matter. Spend time with the people you love and who accept the way you are.

2. Working too much

No one will say on their deathbed, that they wished they had worked more during the lifetime. Usually people wish, that they had spent more time with their family and friends. Take some time every week to call or meet up with people who matter.

3. Missed opportunities

“What if?” Do you sometimes ask yourself this question? You will never know, if you never try. The words, that weren’t spoken, if they were needed. Don’t waste your life asking “what if?” If you could live the present moment again would you do something differently? If answer is yes, you have to change something.

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4. Not having time for yourself

Every day, you should have some time for yourself. It could be as little as 5 minutes. No electronics, no devices, no distractions. When you spend time with yourself, you will get to know yourself so much better. Take some time off every day and think where are you heading, and where do you want to be in future.

5. Not working out

We all know, that it is hard to find time for working out, but believe me, you will be so much productive and efficient if you work out just a little bit every day. Easiest way to find time for working out is, to schedule it into your calendar, and treat it like an important meeting, that you can’t miss. You will be more productive every day and you will feel better. Your future self will thank you for this.

6. Settling for less than you deserve

Once you lower your standards you will settle for life of mediocrity. If you think you could do better in any area of your life, then you should make a change. Don’t ever lower your standards, only then you can have a life you always dreamed of.

7. Spending time with wrong people

You can’t choose your family, but you can choose you friends. If you show me your 5 friends, I will show where you will be in 5 years. Choose your friends wisely, because, they are there to help you in joy and sorrow.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Siimon_Sander
http://EzineArticles.com/?7-Choices-You-Will-Regret-in-7-Years&id=8794346

 

 

Sex – For the Pure Health of It

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Lack of sex, especially good sex, is a huge part of my problem. I already knew that. This article confirms it.

By Craig Weiner

Given the degree of negative attention sex can provoke in the media, I thought why not offer a synopsis for my readers on the current science of Why Sex is Important for Your Physical and Mental Health! I am pretty darn sure that this is the first time I have written on the subject here. Yep, definitely sure. Outlined below are just a fraction of how sex can be beneficial to your physical health and well-being. I do however need to share that you should consider the following: Act responsibly, be kind, all good things in moderation (but who defines moderation?), check with your doctor (really?) and do not partake in sex while driving.

Sex and Happiness:

A 2004 study of 16,000 U.S. adults found as a primary finding “That sexual activity enters strongly positively in an equation where reported happiness is the dependent variable. They found simply that sex made a huge difference in reported happiness measurements. While I will not in this synopsis report on the standard query of how much sex are people having (you will have to look up the study for those factoids), I will tell you one significant finding; that the number of sexual partners that resulted in the greatest amount of happiness reported, was… drum-roll please… One partner.

The Brain on Sex:

Ongoing brain research continues to show the impact of sexual activity resulting in countering the deleterious effects of stress in important areas of the brain that have to do with memory and anxiety reduction. A Princeton study for example in rats show that regular sex in rats resulted in reduced stress hormone levels and the stimulation of neurogenesis (new nerve cell growth) and neuroplastic features (an enhanced ability for neurons in the brain to adapt, grow and change with new learning). Other similar studies have shown increased nerve cell growth in the brain’s hippocampus (yes again in rats) and with regular sexual activity, increased recognition memory. So while this has not yet been demonstrated in humans, these studies show an encouraging trend!

Sex and Longevity:

A comprehensive study published in the respected British Medical Journal, involved 918 men in Caerphilly South Wales. Extensive medical interviews in this cohort study and performed with a ten year follow up studying mortality (death) with related lifestyle factors and health conditions taken into account for. The conclusion was a 50% decrease in male mortality who had more frequent orgasms! The authors of this study humorously point out that perhaps improved methods “intervention programs could also be considered, perhaps based on the exciting “At least five a day” campaign aimed at increasing fruit and vegetable consumption-although the numerical imperative may have to be adjusted.” Wink wink. the Duke Study on Aging also found that the frequency of sex was directly inversely related to mortality in men (while the Enjoyment of sex was the significant factor in the decreased mortality for women! Dr Oz reported that he found a study that showed that 200 orgasms per year reduced physiological again by six years.

Sex and Physical Health:

Research has shown that in men, regular male climaxes (depending on measures of frequency) can decrease the risk of prostate cancer by between 14-34%. Sex can act as natural pain reliever with increased release of oxytocin and endorphins (though of course warnings and exceptions need to be in place in the case of physical injury). Sex increases estrogen which in women can relieve menopausal symptoms. Cardiovascular health and weight loss can be improved, with reports showing that 20 minutes a week of vigorous participation can result in the burning of over 7500 calories per year. Antidepressant effects has been found to result for women in unprotected heterosexual activity. Immunoglobin A, a measure of immune function, was shown in one study to improve by 30% with sexual activity 1-2 times per week.

So you have my blessing to share this information with your partner or loved ones and if you must, ask your doctor for a prescription to improve your health in an enjoyable fashion.

Craig Weiner, DC has been in the health care field for 25 years, as a doctor of chiropractic, massage therapist, EFT trainer and practitioner, health coach, workshop leader, and creator of the Transformational Dialogues. Together with his wife Alina Frank, they train and mentor individuals and health care professionals internationally. More information about their work is available at EFTtappingtraining.com and chirozone.net

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Craig_Weiner
http://EzineArticles.com/?Sex—For-the-Pure-Health-of-It&id=8577005

 

 

15 Things Positive People Don’t Do

I’m more positive than I think I am. I actually consider myself a realist. That’s the only way I can deal with the trials of life. It’s too bad being positive has nothing to do with the actual outcome.

It’s not easy to be happy and positive all the time. And we all know the feeling of wanting to be positive and wondering why it seems to be impossible. For many people, it seems like they’re positive and forward thinking, but on the inside that maintain habits and thought processes that are not typical of a positive person.

Being positive doesn’t necessarily always mean being happy all the time either. Being positive means being able to acknowledge bad situations and the flaws in everyday life and to still be able to look on the bright side, think positive thoughts, and look towards a solution. For those of you who aren’t sure about whether or not you’re a positive person, here is a comprehensive list of things that positive people just don’t do.

1. Assume the Worst

Positive people are not in the habit of looking at a situation and assuming that the worst thing that can happen will happen. They do not immediately start planning for the worst because they tend to hope for the best, even though they are prepared to deal with the worst.

2. Denial Denial Denial

People who live a positive lifestyle do not deny the truth. They don’t live in a lie or make excuses for themselves, their behavior, or that of the people around them. They see their lives for what they are and they deal with it.

3. Bitter Resentment

Positive people don’t hold grudges or remain internally upset over things that are over and done with. They learn to forgive and forget and move on past things that have happened to them.

4. Forgetting the Little People

Positive people don’t forget how lucky they are to be wherever it is they are. It’s easy to forget how much you have, but positive people are thankful for every little thing.

5. Passing the Buck

Positive people accept responsibility for their own actions. They don’t blame other people when bad things happen or when things don’t get done. They acknowledge when they make mistakes and let other people down.

6. Problems as Problems

For positive people, problems are really just mountains for them to climb. They don’t see problems as things that really stand indefinitely between them and their goals, just as obstacles to overcome.

7. Hopeless Thoughts

Positive people don’t resort to thinking hopeless thoughts. At no time when problems arise do they accept defeat or give in to thinking that success is impossible.

8. Reality Bites

Positive people are not limited to reality. They are dreamers, and they have lofty ambitions and goals. They are not limited by probability or statistics. They expect more than the average out of themselves.

9. Something for Nothing

Positive people don’t opt for the quick fix or expect things to just magically get done. They work hard and don’t buy into things like instant weight loss.

10. Boredom

Positive people don’t get bored. I’m not saying that Sunday afternoons aren’t full of sitting around wondering what to do with the day. I just mean that there is always something new and creative positive people want to try.

11. Brain Control

Positive people don’t let negative thoughts take over their brain. When negative thoughts go through their head, they quickly banish them and remember that they aren’t helpful at all.

12. The Comparison

Positive people remember that everyone is different, and that trying to compare any two people to each other is like comparing apples and oranges.

13. Mistakes Mistakes Mistakes

Positive people don’t worry about the mistakes they’ve made. They learn from their mistakes, and look at them as necessary experiences that have taught them valuable lessons.

14. Perfection

Positive people don’t think that life is perfect. They acknowledge the imperfections of life, and accept that although life isn’t perfect, it can be pretty good!

15. Toxic Relationships

Positive people don’t have toxic relationships. The people in their lives are not negative influences on them. They are surrounded by people who think like them and support them in whatever they’re doing.

Source:

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-things-positive-people-dont.html

 

Kate Stefanski is a volleyball player at Rollins College in Winter Park, Florida. She is originally from Chicago, Illinois, and she is an English major. When she isn’t writing papers and reading Fitzgerald, she blogs her heart out and FaceTimes her nephew. Kate also writes content for 21Drops.com, the essential oil therapy headquarters.

You Should Probably Shut Up At These 10 Critical Times

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1. When you don’t know who is around you.

No matter who or what you’re talking about, always be careful of who else is around. You may want to complain about a recent project, or simply talk about a family issue, but if you don’t know who is listening, you could say something offensive or inconsiderate.

2. When you’re surrounded by gossip.

Gossipers love to pull other people into their webs. Don’t let this happen to you. If you gossip with a gossiper, whatever you say can and will be held against you—plus, you’ll probably be the next person gossiped about.

3. When someone asks about your love life.

It’s best to keep details of your love life private, especially if you are spreading negative information about your significant other. It will only harm your relationship, and if he or she finds out you’ve been talking about them, it could end the relationship forever.

4. When someone is telling only you useful information.

You rarely get the opportunity to get ahead, so next time someone starts sharing useful information with you—and only you—stop talking! Listen to what they have to say, and start thinking how you can use the information to improve your job performance.

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5. When the door is open.

It looks bad to talk behind closed doors, but talking out in the open can also lead to problems. Anytime a door is open, always picture the people standing in the hallway—just out of your sight but still in earshot. If you are comfortable talking with the door open, you better be comfortable with all your co-workers knowing what you’re talking about.

6. When someone is telling you a secret.

This is a crucial moment for you to stop talking. A secret means someone wants to confide in you, so if you jump in and start talking, the other person will think you don’t value the relationship. Instead, just be quiet and appreciate their confidence in making you their confidante.

7. When you are about to say something negative.

No one wants to hear your negativity. So, it’s time to shut up unless you have a valid concern about someone’s safety. If you’re just spewing problems and negativity, no one will take you seriously anyway. Everyone will just dismiss you and think you are too lazy to help.

8. When you’re about to lie.

Lying never really works. When you get caught you will ruin the trust you’ve built. Next time you’re tempted to lie, just don’t say anything.

9. When you’re about to make an excuse.

People who make excuses all the time are annoying. Next time someone asks you to help with a project, just focus on what you need from them to get started. This way, you will be proactive, and you will enlist them to help you get started.

10. When you want to “one-up” someone.

“One uppers” are people who always have to beat what the other person is saying. For example, if someone tells you they ran two miles, a one upper would say, “Really? I ran five.” If you’re really passionate about an activity, it’s natural to want to “one-up” someone, but hold back. It only makes you look desperate.

Next time you want to speak up, make sure what you’re saying will be a positive influence on the conversation and the person you’re speaking to. Learning when to speak and when to shut up is one of the fastest ways you can develop trust within your organization.

via You Should Probably Shut Up At These Critical Times.

Are You a Real Friend?

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By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

“A real friend is one who helps us to think our noblest thoughts, put forth our best efforts, and be our best selves.” ~Anonymous

What kind of friend are you? Below are some of the things good friends do.

Do you:

  • Listen with caring and attention?
  • Support what brings your friend joy?
  • Have the courage to speak your truth when you see your friend harming herself or himself?
  • Reach out frequently?
  • Return calls, texts and emails in a timely manner?
  • Feel joy for your friend’s joy and pain for their pain?
  • Help when you are asked for help?
  • Share your own struggles and ask for help or support?

Or, do you:

  • Try to fix your friend, thinking you know better?
  • Lecture, criticize and judge?
  • Feel envious of your friend?
  • Try to keep your friend from being all he or she can be?
  • Talk on and on and don’t listen?
  • Brag and try to make your friend feel one down, envious or jealous?
  • Make everything about you?
  • Take a long time to return a call, text or email?
  • Wait for your friend to reach out?
  • Refuse to be open and vulnerable with your friend?

If you find yourself more on the second list than on the first list, you might want to explore why you are not able or willing to be a good friend. What are you afraid will happen if you are open, caring and supportive?

The ego wounded self generally comes from a fear of lack and scarcity. This fear may translate into believing that if you support your friend in being all he or she can be, somehow you will lose out – that there isn’t enough for both of you in the universe. If you have this false belief, where did you get it? How is it serving you to believe it? How do you feel when you try to keep your friend limited so that you won’t lose out? Do you believe that the only way you will feel good about yourself is if someone else feels bad about themselves? If you believe this, where did you get this false belief?

Since all of our feelings are informational, if you are envious or jealous of your friend, there is a good reason for it. The good reason likely has to do with old fears and beliefs that you acquired in childhood and that are now making it hard for you to be a good friend. You might want to take the time to explore what false beliefs lie under your jealousy or envy. What beliefs about yourself do you have that are limiting you and keeping you from having whatever you are jealous and envious about? What fears are keeping you from manifesting what you want in your life?

Until you become a real friend with yourself, you might have problems being a real friend with others. Being a real friend with yourself means seeing, valuing and supporting your own gifts and talents – your own real Self. When you can cherish who you are in your essence – your true Self – then it becomes easy to see, value and support your friends. When you learn to treat yourself with love, you will naturally treat your friends with love, too.

Connected, caring friendship is vitally important to our well being. People tend to mirror how we treat ourselves, so the more connected and caring you are with yourself, the more you will attract connected, caring friends into your life.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Margaret_Paul,_Ph.D.
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The Working Woman – Overcoming Stress To Achieve Success

As a working woman, your ability and drive to accomplish things allows you to handle complex challenges, run business and manage your family successfully. However, this can also put you at risk to chronic negative stress. This is because your aim for excellence is to focuses, independent and even aggressive, that you fail to care for your own needs, become too serious and inflexible and also over commit. Sadly, you hardly slow down that you do not realize that you are already running near to empty.

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Under What Type Of Stress Are You?

Understanding the type of stress you might be experiencing is crucial in determining the proper solution.

  • The Dash And Crash Stress

This type of stress helps you stay focused and motivated to become successful, however once the stress levels decrease, you tend to crash severely.

The Solution

If you keep on pushing, you will collapse eventually as your nervous system crashes from being in high gear. Unfortunately, this crash will leave you drained and spent.

Go on vacation, explore, rejuvenate and rediscover, in order to help you recover from your crash. When you engage in exercise, keep it to a minimum. As your high cortisol levels affect your immune system, give yourself vitamin C boosts.

  • The Life Observer Stress

This type of extreme stress can make you feel as if you are in a bubble just watching life pass you by.

The Solution

This extreme state of stress is often caused by severe imbalance making it hard for you to apply life changes. Sadly, the more stressed out you get, the more withdrawn and severely overwhelmed you become.

To handle this type of stress, you need to start exercising for short periods of time at an easy pace and maintain a daily journal to track and connect how you feel emotionally and physically. You should also increase your positive vibes and self esteem by noting good things that occurred each day, accompanied with a reflection on why they are important.

  • The Constant Overdrive Stress

Your motivation is always on high drive preventing you from actually relaxing or even staying still, prompting you to constantly clench your teeth and tap your feet or hands.

The Solution

You have problems relaxing and falling asleep. You are also emotional, explosive, anxious and very straightforward with how you communicate. Your aggressiveness often fires up when under pressure and it does not simmer down quickly as your entire system is in overdrive.

Considering that you have so much nervous energy to burn off, you need to exercise at an intense pace and stay away from caffeine. When you stick to a regular exercise routine, your mood will improve and gradually protect you from any stress induced brain damages. Consider engaging in yoga or pilates and create a journal to write down whatever bothers you. Sleep is also crucial to eliminate stress, so if you are having trouble sleeping, consider the comfort your mattress offers. According to Parklane Mattresses, “plush models contain individually wrapped Marshall Coils, a spring system where every coil moves independently to conform to your body as you move during the night. The thin gauge wire used in our plush mattresses is piano wire strong but soft and supple enough to provide pillow like comfort.”

  • The Zero To Sixty Stress

Though you are generally calm, stress can put you in complete disarray when it hits you as you are extremely sensitive to stress.

The Solution

Evidently, a small amount of cortisol, which is a stress hormone, is being produced by your body. How you sleep and the state of your energy levels is based on the amount of produced cortisol. Small amount of cortisol can lead to an overactive immune response attacking body tissues leading to pain and inflammation. Sadly, the feeling with discourage you from exercising.

You can deal with this type of stress by exercising at a slow pace, then progressing to moderate intensity to provide relief. Do not forget to do some daily stretching for flexible muscles, and massage body areas that need soothing.

Valerie Collins is a freelance writer specializing in health and well being issues, and offers information about the latest apps and devices used to encourage quality sleep

Always “Sweat The Small Stuff”

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By Keri Murphy

You have probably heard the old saying, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” And when if comes to minor hassles in our daily lives- spilled milk, traffic on the way to work, a late bus- that couldn’t be more applicable. Even in our personal relationships it seems like a solid rule of thumb. Do you really need to worry about what is for dinner or who took out the garbage last? It is far better to save your energy for the issues that have more significant repercussions.

However there is some “small stuff” in all types of relationships: love, friendship and business that shouldn’t be ignored or neglected.

A simple phone call from a friend to check in, a love note left of the kitchen counter or an employee that stays late to meet a deadline. We easily dismiss these behaviors as unimportant or even come to expect them, but they represent the intimacy, connection and respect we build in our relationships.

If you find yourself taking these small things for granted, it’s time to step back and take notice. When was the last time you thanked an employee for a job well done? Have you reminded your significant other of one of the many things that you love about him/her? Do you take time at the end of the day to read your kids a bedtime story?

“It is the simple things in life that mean the most, and it’s the simple things that will make the big things seems bigger.”

In business, there is a natural tendency to “think big”, but “thinking small” actually helps managers relate on a day to day basis with their employees. Employee surveys consistently show that the single most important factor in employee engagement is an employee’s relationship with his or her direct manager. Emphasis is put on driving business, smooth operations, meeting deadlines and keeping budgets, but in order for a manager to successfully present these ideas and motivate to their employees, it comes own to moment-to-moment interactions. Ultimately this is what will determine how an employee feels about their supervisor.

In love, we are always vying for the attention and connection from our partner. Dr. John Gottman, a well-respected scholar and clinician, has done extensive research on the demands for emotional involvement, which he labels as “bids for emotional connection”. These include, bids for…

  • Attention
  • Interest
  • Enthusiastic Engagement
  • Extended Conversation
  • Play
  • Humor
  • Affection
  • Emotional Support
  • Self- Disclosure

These are simple components of relationships and even friendships that often get pushed to the side, but we need to pay attention to each others needs and be present and fully participate in the relationships we have. It has been proven; that the more positive everyday interactions between partners, the better communication there is, the more likely they are to feel satisfied in their relationship and the less likely they are to feel lonely.

Here are a few “little things” that can be applied to any relationship to show you care.

Return Messages Quickly- this is simple and appreciated. Ignoring your employees messages or waiting a long time to respond, gives the impression that their questions or issues are not important. What if a friend is calling to give you exciting news and you don’t get back to them for a week? How do you think that person will feel? Being prompt in your responses shows how much you care, and in the grand scheme of things, is making a 5-minute phone really going to set you back that far in your schedule?

Express Appreciation- Never underestimate the power of a sincere, well-timed thank you. It is such a simple gesture that is often forgotten or neglected. We all like to hear that our efforts are appreciated, so be sure to let those around you know how they have been able to help you.

Be on Time- It is common courtesy, time is valuable, so be respectful of others time. Your spouse is expecting you for a family dinner they spent the afternoon preparing, be home when you say you will. Would you leave a client hanging for an important meeting, then why do that to your partner? At the office, being late to a meeting sends the message that your time is more valuable than your employees. You want the respect of your staff, right? It is that simple.

Take a Genuine Interest- In your employees. In your kid’s after school activities. In a close friends work promotion. Learn the details of the lives of those your surround yourself with. Honest interest and concern for things they have going will not go unnoticed and will be rewarded with loyalty.

Be There- this is as fundamental as it gets. You can’t manage effectively or build a relationship if you are not available, both physically and/or emotionally. We all want people in our lives that we can count on and trust. Making a conscious effort to be “available” will make you more approachable and warm.

So, yes, we really do need to sweat the small stuff, because the small stuff is important! Starting now, take the time to really show appreciation and love for the people in your life. Not only will you bring more joy to their lives, but relationships will become more fulfilling and bring more to your own life as well!

Keri Murphy and the Inspired Living team is on a mission to empower people to use their unique talents in a way that allows them to Dream, Live and BE all that is possible through speaking, coaching, celebrity interviews and original on-line content. Get Inspired at http://www.inspiredliving.tv

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A Woman’s Body – Who Owns It?

abortion

By Marcea Hibbert-Roye

A recent court case highlights the need for discussion about how women and their bodies are treated and not just in view to impending motherhood. We have all heard of pro-life activists who feel that an unborn child has the right to life even if the expectant mother does not wish to continue with her pregnancy. Whilst this subject is very sensitive and both sides of this argument has very valid points, my question is ‘Who owns a woman’s body?’

Would the fact that a pregnant woman has a diagnosed mental health condition allow decisions to be made on her behalf without her consent? How much should a woman be involved in her own body and how it is treated? What protections are in place to determine perceived rights to women on how they live their lives? Is the fact that a woman is pregnant eliminate her right to choose what happens with her body? This article is not about pro-life but the right for a woman to choose how her body is treated. This article is not about pregnant women but the right for women to choose how their bodies are treated. Getting stuck on pro-life would only serve as background noise and can serve as a distraction.

Everyone (of appropriate age) has the right to deny treatment of any sort and everyone has the right for all procedures to be fully explained to him or her. There will instances whereby others will have to make a decision on someone’s behalf but these should be exceptional circumstances and the law covering these instances ensuring congruence and integrity. Everyone has the right to take part in activities deemed risky and everyone has the right to the most appropriate medical intervention. It is the ‘most appropriate intervention’ that I want to explore.

In the ongoing court case, decisions were made on behalf of a woman using a particular method that felt that she would not have agreed to. When would the need for someone else to make a decision displacing an individual? Was there more emphasis placed upon the fact that the kind of intervention was based upon her being a woman? How far should we go to allow a person to be fully informed of treatment and what this treatment should look like? Is the situation of removal of consent more likely to occur if a woman is pregnant, is she then viewed separate from the life growing inside her? I repeat, this article is not about pro-life issues; we must stay focused on the subject at hand, the woman; although pregnant women are being discussed. The term ‘pregnant’ is only used to describe the position a woman may find herself in and to explore whether consent challenges only exist in these circumstances.

I also understand that the emotions evoked when discussing pregnant women and the ‘right’ for women to choose how things are done. However, how much of a woman’s right to choose is applied to her everyday life? Are there many instances whereby a woman is encouraged to undergo a procedure for the benefit of her unborn baby but more importantly have we considered how would this make a woman feel about her own body?

What about a woman who is not pregnant, should she have any form of intervention against her knowledge and agreement? An example could be women who are living with either physical or emotional disabilities. Have there been any instances that these women have had treatment or intervention without their consent or knowledge? Does the decision to remove consensual agreement determined by a woman being deemed ‘unfit’? Who determines levels of ‘fitness’?

As a nation, are we able to fully satisfy ourselves that any form of intervention without consent is in the best interests of an individual? Are the current specific guidelines in establishing what acts as demarcation for the removal of consent without fault and can a person or persons act without proper counsel? The implementation and proper use of legislation will serve as proper channels that will safeguard women from having their bodies treated in a way that they would not necessarily agree to. There have been many paths trodden on to allow women to be seen as worthy recipients to life and to have the ability to make their own decisions. The removal of consent should not be taken lightly nor should it be used a tool to manage women medically.

Attitudes to women have come a very long way from the rallies of Women’s Rights but undoubtedly, there continues to be areas for improvement. It is worrying when we have to start to explore deeper whenever an issue has been raised concerning a woman. If we find ourselves in positions of asking many questions then that should highlight our ignorance on topics such as this. Our voices are now recognized as being in existence if not always heard. It is precisely this area of concern for me regarding the ongoing court case. How much importance did the rights of this particular woman have, what did her own voice look like? Was she deemed ‘fit’ enough to warrant a voice?

There continues to be areas in life that a woman may feel like she is not whole and complete as an individual and reliant upon the decisions others make. An international stance of women’s level of acceptance is prioritized over the individual woman’s own level of acceptance. There is more emphasis on what a woman should look like, how she presents self and how she is able to live her life. Women’s presence in life can appear to be of magniloquence and being more about intent than the actual. We must not stop at this juncture of women’s revolution until we can be sure that a woman is indeed seen and treated as a whole person in her own right.

My name is Marcea Hibbert-Roye, qualified Social Worker and Life Coach. My specialism is developing emotional awareness in females. I have devised a 6 Step Program that promotes good emotional health by accessing information held in the subconscious mind to the conscious mind. The result is having more control over thoughts, feelings and behavior.

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Relationships: Do Some People Have Sex To Experience Love?

sex facts

By Oliver J R Cooper

When it comes to being a human being, there are certain needs that each one of us has. And while there can be certain differences between people, these are ones that apply to more or less everyone.

But while needs are something that each one of us have, it doesn’t mean that one always feels comfortable with having them. Having needs can feel like a burden and one can end up feeling ashamed for having them.

So it is not always a case of having them and then getting them met in a way that is relatively straight forward. It could be that one has them and yet feels incredible awkward having them and sees them as something that one wishes they never even had.

This means that one is not independent and that they are inherently interdependent. To feel there is something wrong with having needs is then to feel that there is something wrong with being human.

And even though being human means being interdependent, it doesn’t mean that one feels comfortable with this truth. Independence is often seen as the way to be and as a sign that one has grown up. However, if one was to take a deeper look, they would soon see that it is just a word and doesn’t reflect the nature of reality.

Needs

These needs that each one of us has are going to cover a wide range of things. And some of these will be able to be fulfilled by friends and family, and others will only be able to be met through having an intimate relationship.

While one can cuddle a friend or a family member for instance; this will never be the same as if they were cuddling another man or woman who they are in a relationship with for example.

Friends and family can only provide a certain degree of nurturing; in order for one to experience something deeper and broader they will have to be in a relationship. The physical side of things is one of the great benefits of being in a relationship with another person.

Love

Here one can experience being connected and loved by another human being. Love obviously relates to more than just having ones physical needs met, but this is one part of it. If a group of people were asked what love means to them, in relation to a relationship, it is inevitable that being: held, touched and caressed would be mentioned. Either through these words or through others words that mean the same thing.

Although one has these physical needs and therefore desires to be in a relationship, as a way to fulfill these needs and many others, it doesn’t mean that this feels right or comfortable for them.

Associations

So at a deeper level one will have these needs and these can’t be removed, no matter what one does or doesn’t do. However, due to certain experiences that one has had in their life, from birth and up until the present moment, one can feel at odds with them.

The natural need to be in a relationship with another can then end up being sabotaged. And not because of what is taking place externally, but as a result of what is going on within someone.

These associations can include all kinds of meanings and yet there are a few that will have a big impact. Here one can end up feeling that if they were to be in a relationship and have these physical needs met, they would be: smothered, engulfed, trapped and overwhelmed. As well as a deep feeling of shame for having needs and that one could be abandoned and rejected for having them.

Still There

To have these associations is going to cause conflict and they will end up creating problems when it comes to experiencing intimacy. But even though this division does exist within someone, it doesn’t mean that one’s physical needs will simply disappear.

They are still going to be there and instead of them being met through a relationship, one can use another way to get them met. And while this way will not be truly fulfilling, what it will do is allow one to momentarily experience what it would be like to be in a relationship.

Instant love

So what one can do as a way to experience the physical side of a relationship and without all their feelings coming up in regards to intimacy – is to have sex. This could be a casual relationship; where it’s purely sex or what is often classed as a one night stand.

One is then able to experience physical closeness, but without them having to feel their emotions in relation to intimacy. What can also take place is that one’s sex drive can increase, as a result of their physical needs not being met.

Sex Drive

One can then end up coming to the conclusion that they have a high sex drive and need to have plenty of sex in order to meet this need. But this could simply be a conditioned reflex and one that allows them to regulate their emotional pain.

At a deeper level, this could be a consequence of their need to experience physical intimacy not being met. As they only know how to meet this need by having sex; this is what feels comfortable and safe. When what this person really needs is to be intimate with another human being. And while sex will be a part of this, there will be so much more.

Awareness

If one can relate to this challenge and is having difficulty in having their needs met, it will be important for them to seek some kind of assistance. Because having needs is normal and if one feels that this is not the case, it will be a sign that some kind of letting go needs to occur.

It could be that one has trapped emotions and feelings in their body and these could go back to when one was a baby and a child. These can be released with the assistance of a therapist of a healer who allows one to face them and release them. As this takes place, one can begin to feel comfortable with having needs and embracing true intimacy; if that is what they desire.

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include “A Dialogue With The Heart” and “Communication Made Easy.”

To find out more go to – http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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Are You in a Relationship With a Narcissist?

Narcissist

By Sophia Elise and Sarah Adelle

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist you’re living in hell on earth. A narcissist is someone who constantly belittles you at the drop of a hat. A narcissist makes you feel like a peasant while he is the king of not only his domain but yours. You spend every waking moment catering to their every wish, while all your wishes never come true. A narcissist doesn’t care about your wishes, hopes, dreams, feelings, judgment or needs. A narcissist only cares about their own, and so should you or you will be sorry.

You may try to keep the peace, but with a narcissist, peace is impossible. They create standards you can never reach, so you will fail again and again and it is up to them to dish out your punishment. And dish it out they will. Since you are all alone with your thoughts and feelings and are unable to verbalize them or exhibit them, you will feel like a robot, and a very lonely robot to boot. How did someone so promising and charming hide the fact that they are a narcissist? How did you not see this coming?

A narcissist is always different in the beginning of a relationship, way different. They come across as prince charming, sweep you off your feet and place you on this pedestal and treat you in a way you thought only happened in fairytales. Once you have fallen under their spell, a narcissist then lets his facade crumble. Not to the outside world though. Just in your personal life. They maintain their image for all the world to see, but allow you to see what is behind the mask, and it is what nightmares are made of.

A relationship with a narcissist is a one way street. The street leads towards them, and away from you. When you are in a relationship with a narcissist you must constantly cater to them and build and maintain their inflated ego and sense of self. At the expense of your own self esteem, dignity, and ego. Compassion will rarely be given to you by a narcissist, but they expect and demand it from you.

The term “double standards” is perfect to describe a relationship with a narcissist. It is all about them, and has nothing to do with you. They get the praise, you get the complains and reprimands. They have the say on everything, you are afraid to say anything and better keep your mouth shut. If they are not happy, you will not be allowed to be happy either. A narcissist doesn’t care about your happiness, they are only concerned with their own.

Since narcissists are so in love with themselves, they cannot really be capable of really loving you because they can never put you first. Sure, if you try and end things with a narcissist they may go overboard to get you back. But is it really because they love you and will change? No, it is for their own ego, they do not want to be abandoned. THEY can leave YOU, but you cannot leave THEM. So how do you know if you are involved with a narcissist as a friend, lover or family tie?

A narcissist has an over inflated ego and thinks they are above others and look down on everyone else they deem not up to their standards. Because they are special, rules do not apply to them. To everyone else, yes, but to them, no. A narcissist has delusions of grandeur. They are not ordinary so why should they have an ordinary wife, ordinary kids and ordinary job or an ordinary house? That may be good enough for “other people” but not for them. They have a sense of entitlement like no one you have ever met before or since. They think other people are jealous of them or out to get them.

Narcissists feel you should be able to take criticism from them, and they will give it to you constantly. However, you cannot criticize them for ANYTHING. They will also twist your words and take things you say in a critical way when you did not mean it that way. They will have temper tantrums when they are unhappy over any little thing.

Narcissists will keep you guessing. One day they act like all is wonderful and they adore you, the next day, they are as cold as ice and treat you like a stranger or an enemy. A narcissist cannot sympathize or empathize with anyone other than themselves. Other peoples feelings, unless it is to get what something from them, are irrelevant.

If you feel you are in a relationship with a narcissist and need guidance please consult with us at psychiclifecoach.com and we will empower you to find your way out of this relationship or provide insights that will help turn this relationship around.

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5 Ways To Stop Enabling

no

Loved ones and family members of addicts face a number of challenges. Watching someone you care about struggle with addiction is a very stressful and trying situation. Most loved ones of addicts face feelings of anger, guilt, and, of course, concern for the addict.

Many people close to an addict knows that enabling is only helping to feed their addiction, but the reality is that ceasing to enable someone is a little more complicated than it seems. Many loved ones fear that without their support, the addict will spiral even further into poverty and the other repercussions of their unhealthy decisions. Here are six tips on how to stop enabling.

1. Stop giving the addict money for rent and other bills.

This is the step that many enablers struggle with the most. No one wants their loved ones to be in danger of losing vital life elements. Addicts are often aware of this and frequently manipulate those who love them by playing on their concerns.

In many cases, money that an addict receives for bills is spent on their addiction. Even if money is legitimately spent on rent, helping an addict with their financial obligations prolongs the time before they reach “rock bottom,” or the moment they realize their life has become unmanageable.

2. Stop making excuses for the addict.

“Covering” for an addict by making excuses for why they are not at social or other functions can be very dangerous because giving an addict an out allows them to continue living under the assumption that they are functioning.

Making excuses for an addict may seem like saving them from embarrassment, but the best thing you can do for them is to help them realize they have a problem as quickly as possible.

3. Do not pick up slack for an addict.

Most addicts begin to exhibit major dips in their ability to keep their lives organized. The basic tasks of day to day living become secondary to their more pressing desire to procure more drugs or alcohol.

Cooking or cleaning for an addict may seem like small favors, but helping out in even these small ways only gives them a distorted sense of stability.

4. Do not accompany the addict while they are engaging in addictive behavior.

Whether it’s having a glass of wine with them or going with them to buy a lottery ticket, being in the presence of an addict while they are engaging in addictive behavior sends a message to them that their behavior is somewhat acceptable. Make it clear to the addict that you are not comfortable with their actions.

5. Keep in mind that you are doing what you can to help the addict.

Most enabling comes from a place of love. You are just trying to help your loved one stay safe. In reality, however, the best way you can help them is by doing what you can to get them to realize that they have  a problem and need to seek help as soon as possible.

Cindy Nichols is an addiction specialist and specializes in Xanax recovery at Recovery Now TV.

Secrecy Vs Privacy in Your Relationship

privacy-in-relationship-680x350

By Catherine Morris

Secrecy is a thorny issue in relationships. Couples often struggle with knowing what can be held back and what should be revealed between each other. There can be confusion between a desire for private time and a feeling that one’s partner is hiding something from us. Not all secrets are created equal; some are small and innocuous while others can rip the fabric of a relationship to shreds. Planning a surprise birthday party for ones spouse or hiding the destination for a special evening out are secrets that enhance a relationship and build connection. These secrets show our partner that we are thinking about them and care about their happiness and the well being of the relationship. Some secrets seem small but slowly erode trust. Fear of a spouse’s reaction can cause us to begin to hide something that we purchased or to say that we were at the office when we were with friends. A distance will begin to grow between us and our spouse bit by bit until we are looking across a huge chasm at him or her.

Other secrets can wreak havoc on the very foundation of a relationship. These secrets are actions, beliefs or parts of ourselves that we deliberately keep hidden out of fear of its impact on ourselves or our partner or what the revelation will do to our relationship. Affairs, drug and alcohol use, sexual orientation or pornography are examples of secrets that one fears will have disastrous consequences if revealed or discovered. Secrets of this nature erode trust and security and create a chasm that makes it difficult for a couple to feel close and truly connected. A person who is holding secrets will begin to create a false persona that they will hide behind in order to keep the secret hidden. Over time this mask begins to take on a sense of authenticity to the secret holder (this is who I show the world that I am so this must be who I really am). When secrets of this nature are discovered or revealed they shake the underpinnings of a relationship and create feelings of betrayal, vulnerability and insecurity in one’s partner. It is difficult and sometimes impossible for couples to recover from revelations of this kind.

Privacy on the other hand is “the state of being alone: the state of being away from other people, hidden from public view” (Merriam-Webster dictionary). Private matters may include our beliefs, fantasies, or daydreams. While private matters can sometimes be mixed with feelings of shame (how will others judge me if they know what I really am or what I really think) in general, the revelation of private matters gives one’s partner insight into whom we really are. Sharing private matters with one’s partner will expand the knowledge and understanding that you each have for the other, which creates trust and deepens security. The more we know about our partner the stronger the emotional bond that exists between us.

Creating privacy in a relationship is a way of setting boundaries around that part of us that yearns for time alone to develop a deeper sense of Self. We all need time to ourselves, time to listen to our inner thoughts, time to relax and refresh from the busyness of our lives. Privacy is an important component of relationship and should be built into all relationships to strengthen the bonds between partners.

Couples often struggle with the difference between private time and secrets. A discussion with your spouse about a need for privacy is necessary in order to help you both to determine how much alone time feels acceptable to each of you. Honesty about our feelings and a willingness to share this with our partner creates a closeness and openness that ultimately brings the confidence and security of a strong healthy relationship.

To read other relationship articles please visit: catherine-morris.com/articles.htm and learn about all of the ways you and your partner can create a stronger and more vibrant relationship. Feel free to forward this newsletter to anyone that you feel will benefit from it.

If you find that the distance between you and your partner is so great that you cannot find the path back to each other, please contact me for a FREE phone consultation. We can then decide how I may be able to help you as a marriage therapist. I can be reached at: 650-289-9972 or via email at catherine@catherine-morris.com.

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3 Reasons Meetings Are A Waste Of Time

boring-meeting-2

Almost everyone who has attended meetings has complained about their time being wasted. Managers are trained in the “secret tips” of leading successful meetings, yet meetings are still frequently ineffective and poorly managed.

It’s difficult to have effective meeting patterns simply because meetings are not just a part of business processes; there is an inherently social aspect to them, which is embedded in the culture of the company. Whoever is running the meeting has to take into consideration many non-rational factors that aren’t covered in the “secret tips” meeting management training.  There are three issues that may have not been considered before:

1. The Perspective Problem

When people attend meetings, they all have a different perception about that meeting. It doesn’t matter how clear the meeting’s purpose was made. There are people who will only show up because they have to, and others will think it’s incredibly important.

There are the people who will have prepared in advance, bringing a notepad full of ideas to contribute and others will just show up barely on time. And then there are those people who will have strong opinions and those who will do whatever everyone else decides to do.

A successful meeting’s leader will understand where all participants are coming from. If it’s not possible to only invite people who want to attend and have ideas to contribute, it is a good idea to at least not waste time trying to get everyone to speak up or share, when there are only a handful of people who are invested enough to have an opinion.

2. The Personal Agenda

Most people have an often unconscious personal agenda that can influence the nature of the meeting. Being part of a meeting might be a status symbol of importance, so some people might just keep showing up and participating in meetings on projects they actually have very little to contribute to.

Meetings may also serve as social gatherings, which is not constructive to the meeting’s initial purpose. This is particularly a problem in companies where people are widely distributes, or are frequently on the road.

Although it’s good that coworkers get along well enough to want to socialize, it can impede the progress of a meeting. For this type of problem, it might be a good idea to schedule a long lunch meeting, which allows for a greater amount of time without cutting in to so much of the work day.

3. The Leadership Problem

Different people react differently to being led in a meeting. Many participants might be comfortable with someone else taking charge of the meeting, while others may actively sabotage the meeting leader or become passive-aggressive.

In a similar way, many people are not good meeting leaders. Some will take control of the situation, while other will be hesitant to show any exertion of power or take control of the meeting back from the participants trying to take over. While leading a meeting, people need to be aware of their leadership skills and confidence level. It’s particularly difficult for many people to lead meetings when they don’t normally hold very powerful positions.

If possible, it may be a good idea to limit the attendees for the first few meetings lead by a more timid individual. He may have greater success holding his ground and keeping the meeting on track with fewer personalities in the room. He might even want to pay attention to how other coworkers run their meetings, also noting who has a lot to say, but little to contribute, since those are the people he may have to watch out for during his meetings.

Donna Lee is running her business DearJane with high degree of success. She has found meetings are a necessary evil that is often required and yet found them to be always of very low relative value.

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