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It’s just something about her. You can’t wait to see her each day. You come up with any excuse to have meaningless chit chat with her. You catch yourself taking a peek at her body, sometimes from head to toe. She crosses your mind far too often throughout the day. You wonder what it would be like to kiss her lips, hold her in your arms, and to do whatever comes naturally. If only one of you would break the ice, cross the line, even make an awkward joke. But no one will. You’re both afraid to. After all, you are both straight women.
Many straight women find themselves in this position. They’ve dated men all their lives. They have intentions of one day settling down and raising a family with a MAN. But every once in a while, a female catches their eye and they think, “MAYBE”.
There have been many women who have had intimate or sexual experiences with other women. They do not, however, identify themselves as lesbian or bisexual. They look at the experience as an opportunity that they took advantage of. For some, it may have been more than just curiosity or a one night stand. It may have actually escalated to a dating relationship, but they still won’t stamp GAY across their foreheads. It was what it was. End of story.
But what about the women who are longing for this experience? Is this you? You have this strong interest in a woman, but she has no history (to your knowledge) of being involved with other women. You want so badly to say something to her. If you approach her the wrong way, the consequences could be devastating. What if she is disgusted by the very idea of homosexuality? What if she has strong religious views about it? What if she is so uncomfortable by your advances that you lose her as a friend? Or in the most extreme cases, what if she reports you for sexual harassment or slaps the hell out of you? The unknown can be very scary, especially when sexuality is involved. So what do you do? There’s no error proof way to figure it out, but here are some pointers to at least get you started.
Pointers For The Straight Woman Trying To Get The Straight Woman:
One thing you have to keep in mind is the reality of changing your relationship. It could change if you end up being intimate and it could change if you approach her and get rejected. Either way, it’s a chance. Weigh your options before making any moves and consider what you have to lose – compare it to what you think you will gain. Hopefully the gain will be more than a night’s worth of pleasure. Be careful, don’t be pushy, and pay attention to body language. Is she really pulling you in and giving you the green light or are the red lights blaring in your face?
I wish you luck on your quest for the kitty. Be prepared for all reactions and outcomes, and most important, if you are successful, BE SAFE! Your health is your priority!
Now relax, take a deep breath, and go for it!
- VL on the DL
Author Charly Emery is proud to announce the release of her new book, Thank Goodness You Dumped His Ass: Use Those Mr. Wrongs to Lead You Straight to Mr. Right. With a refreshingly frank and entertaining writing style, Emery focuses solely on results by delivering a set of simple, specific and strategic steps that ensure success in the relationship market.
I asked Charly the following question and her answer follows:
Dangerous: I have not been in a relationship in 10 years. Men find me intimidating and unless I am initially physically attracted to someone I don’t give them the time of day. What is my problem?
Charly: I’d need more info to be super specific, however taking your question at face value, I’ll give you what comes to mind in general.
Most of the time we think men are intimidated when they don’t approach or fail to pursue something they start further, but to be real… sometimes if we have a harsh or cut and dry attitude toward them and/or relationships, men pick up on it and would rather avoid the situation. It’s the “I don’t need a man” stance, and it works really well as a deterrent. Of course we don’t need them, but putting off that vibe is more undesirable to a guy than it is intimidating.
Now I don’t know anything about you, but you haven’t been in a relationship for 10 years, so clearly something about you is not translating for those guys you are attracted to either. My advice would be to first assess what your true feelings toward men and relationships are. If you are conflicted about wanting to meet someone or a love relationship in general, you’ll block men from approaching you energetically very easily —even if you don’t think so. If you’re afraid that adding a man threatens your identity or sense of independence, you could also block them. No matter how you slice it, men need to be attracted to you just as much as you want to be attracted to them, and if something about your personality is non-welcoming, they’re going to move onto the someone who appears to be more open. I’d ask yourself honestly what the value even is for you to add a man to your life —because if you’re not clear about that, or don’t believe there is much value you’ll also block men very effectively.
Our attitudes toward men and relationships have a lot to do with who we attract (and don’t attract). If you want to attract a good guy for you, you’ve got to be clear about wanting the relationship, welcome one into your life by recognizing that it will add value and then make sure you’re motivated by the right reasons —perhaps in your case, you’re just not really motivated at all… Love is business and you’ve got to assess your mission statement in the relationship market just as clearly as you defined the purpose and plan for your website. I run through the entire process in my book so women are empowered to own who they are in and out of the process, while dumping any residual baggage too.
In truth it’s never the man we’re after. The product we want is the relationship experience —from a business perspective, the man is simply the market that yields the product.
