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Young Black Girls in Inner City Tops Highest Numbers for Poor Sexual Health

By Marcea Hibbert-Roye

This information that I now share with you has been given to me solicitously and without direct sight of written confirmation. However, the frequency of this information and the differing sources put together does give some level of power of its own. It, at least, does merit a discussion about how this information is formed. The actual title of this discussion is ‘Lambeth Borough tops the highest number of sexually transmitted Infections among African-Caribbean and African young people.’ This same information (I have been informed) is also being shared within Higher Education courses. I have chosen to speak of this subject universally. This concern may well be just as prominent in other Boroughs but this information has not been shared. I do not state this conspiratorially but it may just be a case of the ‘loudest being heard.’

What is happening with our young Black females? Has the young female thought about the long-term impact upon her health? What about the short-term damage to her emotional health? The engagement of young sex should be causing great concern in the Black community. But is it? Are the risky behaviors of our young people conspiratorially accepted?

There is enough information given out to young females about the important use of contraception yet the unknown source of this information (article title) states otherwise; or, at the very least, that the message is not getting through.

It is not simply a case of the message not getting to those young females who have made the decision to embark upon a sexual life? Probably more due to a very loud shout out by these young females who have made the decision to be sexually active does so without the requisites to make such a decision.

Peer pressure has always been around. The belief that everyone is ‘doing it’ has also been around. Yet we are seeing increasing numbers of young moms and high numbers of poor sexual health. So what’s changed?

Unless we start to tackle the problem that leads young females to engage in risky behavior then we can safely assume that we will be living with lots of spiritually broken females all with the responsibilities of raising vulnerable children.

As you read this, you may well think that this problem does not concern you. You may not even have a daughter but this does not negate your responsibility. You are surrounded and live in a community that make up a very small population but represents a higher than acceptable number of teenage parents and poor sexual health. If you are a mother to a teenage female, how have you prepared her for a potentially confusing and peer-pressured environment that she lives in? Do you know the pressures that she experiences? What discussions have you had with her? Do not assume that schools et al will approach the subject of sex and relationships because so far, this is not working.

Nor is this the time to be shy or lost for words with your young female. Action is required in small pockets to enable the change of how our young females see themselves. The sum of the parts is greater than the whole meaning. Clean your own house out first!

Our young females are not inanimate prey to predators (young or old, intentionally or otherwise). They are in the embryonic stages of their bloom and depending on their environment will either wilt or achieve their full potentials.

One of the ideologies that controversially and surreptitiously promote the increasing problems of teenage sex is one of cultural acceptance. As a community, it appears that abstinence of sex is not directly encouraged whilst at the same time the act of supporting the emotional health is also amiss. Young sex is accepted as a misdemeanor with the hope that long-term damage does not happen. This does not mean that parents do not care; it’s more of their own inability to speak with their children about the implications of engaging in frivolous sex.

However, even if a conversation tried to take place, what would this look like? What level of understanding would the parent come from? Let’s assume it will be the mother to have a conversation with her daughter about sex and relationships, is the mother fully equipped to initiate and promote the healthy, inquisitive yet confused mind of the young female? Yes, indeed! We cannot forget the unrelenting sense of reality from the young female on how much they are in love. Yet this appears to be more about love with and for another than with themselves. Also, young females may feel that they have to engage in sex otherwise some terrible fate will bestow them. They will be viewed negatively by their peers let alone ram shackled by the young man trying to sow his oats.

We cannot isolate the sexual behaviors of our young females without looking at their role models. Let’s start within the home because this is where the inception of values first starts. Also the strength of these values prepares the owner with the tools to deal with social values. What conclusions have they drawn from their mother’s behavior? What makes up the family composition? Is the household led by a single mother? If so, what protection does the mother give to her children as she attempts to find her own source of love?

If the household has 2 parents, what does their relationship look like to their young? Is it openly one of love? Does it appear to be one of commitment or just shacking up together? Are the men in young female’s immediate environment living multiple lives with multiple loves?

Parents cannot afford to believe that they play no part in the promotion of the destruction and denigrate of a loving and consensual love that should be engaged at a more appropriate time in one’s life; preferably in a committed relationship. The perceived acceptance of allowing multiples to engage in their own frivolous and selfish desires upon the young female should be viewed differently than is current. This does not mean that an affected female should be relegated to the pits of lost souls but more emphasis should be placed in strengthening one’s own level of awareness of the destructive desires led by not just their own but others emotional desires.

One of the characteristics of puberty is one of it being clothed in clandestine with many decisions based upon and fueled by the lack of emotional understanding of one’s self. Promoted by cultural acceptance of casual sex and glorified by the media aimed at promoting their own agenda, be that financial or to dig the pit bigger for an underclass of people is beside the point. It should not be that easy for others to influence our values or is it time we face the uncomfortable reality of our community preferring life this way? Either way, wake up and first understand what part you play not just with your young female but quite possibly with you too. Be decisive with your decision about whether you agree with our young female ‘enjoying’ young sex or just really don’t know how to deal with this issue. Lastly, are you promoting your own self-esteem and how? If not, why?

Make the decision today to help support our young Black females with making proper choices for their minds and bodies.

Raising the emotional development of young females.

My name is Marcea Hibbert-Roye, qualified Social Worker and Life Coach. My specialism is developing emotional awareness in females. I have devised a 6 Step Program that promotes good emotional health by accessing information held in the subconscious mind to the conscious mind. The result is having more control over thoughts, feelings and behavior.

I wrote this article because it is unacceptable to allow a level of denigration to take place with young Black females who may not have the requisite to deal with such choices regarding sex and self-protection. Not enough is being done to support the young Black female and this issue requires political assistance.

Being honest about whether this story applies to your community is an important step in dealing with this issue.

For more support on issues like this visit: http://www.safespaceaccess.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Marcea_Hibbert-Roye

http://EzineArticles.com/?Young-Black-Girls-in-Inner-City-Tops-Highest-Numbers-for-Poor-Sexual-Health&id=8126974

3 Reasons To Seek STI Treatment Right Away

Medicine

There’s no question that sexually transmitted infections are a tender subject for many. Ailments relating to genitalia and sexual practices can be a source of embarrassment much of the time, and particularly difficult to speak to our regular GP about. Although doctors offer a confidential service and talk to people about these subjects on a daily basis, this often doesn’t make it any easier for us. For many people around the world, culture also comes into play and detracts a person from speaking to their doctor about STIs and so end up suffering throughout their life in silence.

STIs are a serious issue, and if you’re concerned that you may have come into contact with an infection or even picked one up, it is vital to seek medical help. When it comes to STIs, don’t delay treatment and speak to you doctor as soon as you can – The associated health risks far outweigh the mild uneasiness which accompanies talking about them to a healthcare professional, and here’s why:

Stopping the Spread

One of the most dangerous characteristics of STIs is their ability to spread. Once you have come into contact with an infection, you then run the risk of passing it onto those you encounter on a sexual basis in the future. By identifying, treating and eradicating the infection, you won’t be putting the health of your next sexual partner(s) in jeopardy. The longer you wait, the riskier it becomes and the less chance you have to recover from it completely.

Infertility

A common consequence of STIs when left untreated is infertility. Infections such as gonorrhea and chlamydia can seriously diminish a sufferer’s ability to have children if they remain present long-term. So, if you are or have been sexually active, but are looking to settle down and start a family of your own in the future, it is crucial to get yourself tested regularly, so that you aren’t putting your reproductive prospects in any unnecessary danger.

Long Term Health Effects

Some infections, such as herpes, can remain in the body for a long time and not cause any damage aside from the odd bout of minor discomfort. However, infections such as syphilis can cause lasting or even fatal damage to your health. And although HIV may not be as common as other infections, it remains a possible danger and can be passed on through sexual contact. With this in mind, it is of the utmost importance, particularly if you think you may have come into contact with an STI, to visit a sexual health clinic and get yourself screened on a regular basis. The case with most conditions is that they are at their most treatable when detected in their initial stages – so for the good of your long term health, be sure to undergo any relevant tests as soon as you think you may have been exposed to infection.

If you think you may have come into contact with an STI, contact your doctor for help and advice immediately.

 

This article is written by Phil who works for Express Doctor, a UK based online provider of prescription medication such as Metronidazole and Zithromax. Unfortunately Phil was diagnosed with an STD on his recent visit to the doctor and was prescribed the mentioned medication.

 

 

Study Says: An Active Sex Life Can Help You Make More Money

sexmoney

The Institute for the Study of Labor in Germany has released a report according to which, people who indulge in sex at least four times in a week, make more money. It further adds that sexually active people out earn their colleagues and subordinates by about 5 percent.

What was the study all about?

7,500 Greek households were part of the study that was carried out for a year. Through a designed questionnaire, the participants were asked about how many times they indulge in lovemaking in a week, their employment status, the wages they earn, the number of hours they work in a week, their sexual orientation, religion they follow, and if they suffered from any health issues.

Findings of the study

Nick Drydakis, who is the author of the study, came up with the following findings:

  • People who have sex only once in a week earn 3.2 percent less than those who have sex with their partner four times a week.
  • There is a strong link between sexual activity and wages among employees in the age group of 25-50.
  • Higher wages can make people lead more sexually active lives. For e.g. people who earn more are able to present gifts to their partner, and this increases their value in the dating market.
  • Indulging in frequent sex does not mean that you will get a pay increase, but indirectly, it can help in earning large sums of money. How? Sexually active people seem to be happier, have better reasoning power, and thus excel in the workplace. This eventually helps them in getting a raise.
  • People, who indulge in sex only once a week, often suffer from the feelings of depression and loneliness. All this adversely hampers their work life and eventually the pay increase chances.
  • Personality traits also play a crucial role in pay increase. Extrovert people are likely to get higher wages.
  • Type of job, sexual orientation, or religion does not influence the link between wages and sex life.

What the previous studies say?

Previous studies have proven that there is a direct correlation between a person’s health and wages. People, who suffer from depression and other health issues, do not perform to their full ability and thus, tend to earn less.

Other benefits of an active sex life

The action between the sheets is more than just simple pleasure. As already discussed, an active sex life can increase your bank balance. However, there is more in store. Let us discuss the other benefits:

  • More Sex, less stress: Regular lovemaking sessions in bed help in releasing natural feel-good hormones, endorphins. Sex, therefore de-stresses you and keeps you fit.
  • Makes you desirable: The more active your sex life, the more attractive you become for the opposite sex.
  • Cuts down stroke risks: Sex improves the blood flow and increases the heart rate, thus reducing the risk for stroke.
  • You look younger: For women, indulging in regular sex will boost the estrogen levels, thus making their skin supple and soft.
  • Enjoy better sleep: Sleep after lovemaking, is more relaxed and sound. This is due to the release of cuddle hormone, oxytocin.

Although, there are many benefits of active sex life, but practice it safely.

Citations:

Jenifer Hull is a student of Journalism and Mass Communication at Arizona State University. She has written many articles on health, beauty and general well-being. Helly is currently associated with medexpressrx.com.

 

How To Make Love To A Woman With 3 Sexual Mindsets

Sexually-Dominant-Woman

Anybody who has sex knows that although it is important to connect on a physical level it is equally important to connect on an emotional level. Once you have become comfortable with the physical level of your lovemaking, such as different positions and possibly engaging in the realm of toys, there are three sexual mindsets you may also want to try in order to achieve  maximum pleasure in yours’ and your partner’s lovemaking. The three sexual mindsets are as follows: sexual trance, partner engagement, and lastly, role playing. Here we will briefly go over each mind set and include a few of the benefits of involving these mindsets in your love making sessions.

Sexual Trance

Sexual trance is to making love, as meditation is to life. The outside nuances and your day-to-day problems are wiped from your brain as you focus solely on what is going on in the now. You are relaxed and in the moment of your lovemaking. When attempting to get into the sexual trance zone, many find it essential to make love in a quiet dark place, as it eases the mind and allows for an easier transition to a sexual trance. When in the sexual trance, you may not enjoy kissing as it may be distracting, you really want to go inside yourself so you can focus on all the sensations that are occurring. Proceed with slow movements; keep every touch, kiss,  and brush, very sensual so as to fully engage your partner. Many like to feel as if they are one with their partner in this state, therefore do not forget to give as well as receive. The lovemaking and trance will certainly benefit from both the give and take of the sexual acts. When both partners are involved in the sexual trance, explosive orgasmic bliss may occur.

Partner Engagement

When partners engage in the partner engagement sexual mindset there is more of a  feeling of becoming one with your partner. There is a mutual give and take in this state; it helps to be more conversational and vocal in this mindset as you really want to communicate with your partner. You definitely want to look deep into your partner’s eyes in order to fully engage and read  not only what your partner may want from this sexual experience, but understand what your partner may be feeling with every kiss and touch. You should fully engage yourself by tasting, touching, and kissing during this state. The ultimate reward of partner engagement is simultaneous climax. Your spiritual sexuality may be evoked in this sexual mindset; connect with yourself, your partner, and the spirituality that brings us all together.

Role Play

Role play is a sexual mindset that most people have heard about. It may be the most popular mindset of all three and the one people may be most familiar with. Role play allows you and your partner to become different people, which may be very freeing and release all inhibitions you may have in the boudoir. You may choose to play the doctor and naughty nurse, pilot and flight attendants, even taking a page out of the popular show Mad Men and play a high ranking business man and secretary. All these roles can set your sexual inhibitions free and allow you to play out your most wild fantasies you may have only conjured up in your mind.

By letting your inhibitions down and learning to enjoy not only the physicality of making love to a woman, but the emotional psycho sexual mindsets of sexual trance, partner engagement, and role play, you will open up the emotional sexuality of the physical relationship. Your sexual encounters will largely benefit from the added dimensions of the sexual mindsets and grant you uninhibited love making that you and your partner are sure to enjoy.

Written by Susan Bratton. She is an advocate for all men who seek to be better lovers — to lead their woman to her sensual potential.

Surprising Secrets To Keep Your Marriage Sizzling

 

 married couple

Being married for a number of years can take a toll on your sex life. Reasons like “I got a headache!” and “I get bored with the same old routine” can certainly break up a marriage, believe it or not. While some people like to think that a humdrum sex life should not be a reason for break-up, it’s sadly a huge part of the statistics involving separated and divorced couples. You and your spouse should not add up to the numbers. Secrets about keeping the marriage hot and burning are going to be revealed and it’s essential that you know what these are.

Mark the Calendar for Your Hot Date

 

It’s not easy to find time for some loving when responsibilities should be prioritized. A hot date should revive any lackluster relationship. Planning a date does not mean taking away the spontaneity of the moment. In fact, marking your calendar in red makes it more exciting. Make your date special by preparing for it just like when you first started dating each other. Here are some ways to make the date more exciting:

  • Shop for sexy lingerie. You can surprise your man with lingerie that you won’t normally wear or he can shop one for you.
  • Your hot date means hot sex as well. Be naughty and bring something unusual to bed. It could be a new trim or a Cyberskin sex toy.
  • Give each other anticipatory messages. Send an email about what you’ll be wearing, a short text that says “I can’t wait!” during a busy day or just a quick hello to remind about the upcoming date.

Go for an Adventure Ride

Doing it with your husband at the same time and date in exactly the same position can be boring, even if you both enjoy it at times. Doing it outside the house is thrilling for most couples as it brings back the feelings of excitement and adventure. Consider a trip to the beach, book a hotel room for the weekend, or even just consider doing it on the floor for a change. If you have kids, this is the perfect time for them to visit their grandparents and get some quality time together.

Experiment with Each Other

 

Getting to know a person does not end on your wedding night or during the honeymoon stage. There might still be needs and wants that are unfulfilled and it’s time to ask your husband about what his desires are. At this point, you should be mature enough to accept that what you need will be different from his needs as well, so don’t give him that weird look when he finally spills that he wants to incorporate sex toys in bed. Take that as a hint and buy him a vibrating pussy, or tell him that you have always wanted to experiment with realistic dildos as well.

Communicate with Each Other

Talking to each other about how your day was or why you are frustrated with him today will make marriage (and sex!) more satisfying. Stop giving excuses that you do not want to have sex because of your blinding headache. It’s not even an excuse because sex releases endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers. Start conversations with “How was your day, Honey?” and you will find out that lovemaking soon comes naturally after that.

Go for a Quickie and Do it Often

 

Making love is usually out of the question for busy couples. Passion can ebb quickly and tension can arise when there’s less sex. If you can plan for a quick lunch, you can also plan for a quickie. After all, you can always eat a sandwich while you’re working. Doing it often can rejuvenate you and make you more energetic. The bond that is created during those quick sessions can also progress into a lifelong attachment.

Married couples can go through a rough patch at one time or another. Respect might be a small word for some people, but it can definitely take you places when it comes to maintaining long term relationships. In marriages, it’s always best to speak up and tell your husband what you need. Learn to listen to his wants too and the fire in your relationship will surely keep on burning.

 Author Byline:

Debra Wright blogs about a plethora of topics such as cyberskin. Wright considers Foxy Fever as one of Australia’s hottest adult shop.

Are You A Firestarter? Rekindle Your Relationship!

hot couple 2
Do you remember when you first met? His hands sputtering between nerves and the subconscious sign-language of infatuation, as your eyes search his for subtle signs of interest. You rolled the right words around in your mouth before asking him to dance, admiring his courage or latent skill as you moved around the floor, weaving between a blur of bodies. Fast forward and you can’t wait to get away from each other, connected only by history or a common name. Your body chemistry long ago shifted from a giddy endorphin rush to tired attachment, replacing passion with familiarity. You don’t want to leave, you’re in love. Right?

Between the Sheets: Get in Sync

Reconnect, skin to skin. If your mind wandered directly into the adult store, you’re disregarding an arguably more important component of a physical and emotional relationship. Cuddling, snuggling, hugging, holding each other without words or hesitation, call it what you will. Traditionally advertised as a feminine desire or trait, cuddling creates a conduit for an emotional and physical connection, transcending sexuality and creating an environment of affection and acceptance. Syncing sleeping patterns is ideal, fashioning an ideal setting for honest conversation and skin to skin contact, without the pressure of sexual activity. Take it one step further one night a week and treat your partner to a massage; spice it up using essential oils and body lubricants.

Out on the Town: Get Out. Get Lost. Find Each Other.

If your marriage or partnership has slammed into a wall of reality, take some time out together. Date Nights and weekend getaways are an opportunity to remove ourselves from responsibility, pressure and excuses, encouraging clear communication and exploration. Experiencing your partner in a new context allows you to see how they’ve changed, develops perspective and builds trust; you’re no longer a partner but an anchor, providing security, support and morale. This positive role development will encourage both partners to stop taking the other for granted, increase respect and saddle you with more stories never to tell your kids.

Give Permission: Dust Off Your Lingerie

Sex is often the last thing on our minds, as we wind our way home after the 9-6 grind. Between keeping the calories off and catching up on housework, paperwork or working out why your friends never call you anymore, you’ve lost your sexual self under the slush pile on your desk. Naughty but Nice offers a cheeky collection of costumes and accessories to inspire a hand sputtering, tongue-tied reaction; we often forget men and women have sexual urges, most are often easily fulfilled with a change of clothes, a dash of scenery and a drop of risqué adventure.

Top Story – Abstinence Is Not Just For Sex

abstinence

The word abstinence means the voluntary prevention of some physical activities that provide pleasure such as alcohol, sex, or eating food. People do abstinence because of various reasons, for example, personal likes and dislikes, religious pressures, and force by a loved one.  Scientifically speaking, abstinence means to stop using a certain drug that a person is addicted to. Many people practice abstinence as a short term need to achieve any short term goal. The purpose of abstinence is to improve the quality of life and improve the condition of life. Following are the different forms of abstinence.

Sexual Abstinence

Sexual abstinence is an effort to refrain yourself from sexual activity completely or partly. There are various reasons one wants to practice sexual abstinence. These reasons may include religious beliefs, legal restrictions, and preventive measures from sexually transmitted diseases, personal beliefs, and sociological barriers. Sexual abstinence is practiced all over the world, and there are many different methods of practicing this type of abstinence. The success of sexual abstinence depends on your desire to achieve this goal. Some people also avoid sexual practices because of their medical conditions such as stress and anxiety.

Food Abstinence

One of the main reasons for food abstinence is fasting in which people have to avoid some or complete food as well as drink for a period of time such as a day or part of the day. Fasting is a religious practice, and in almost all major religions of the world, the concept of fasting is available with some variations. Another type of food abstinence is vegetarianism in which people avoid eating any kind of meat. The partial as well as complete restrictions from all or some of the foods are called food abstinence. Besides that, some people are restricted in making choices about their food because of medical reasons which is also considered as the food abstinence.

Smoking and Alcohol Abstinence

Another type of abstinence is smoking or alcohol abstinence which is common in the smokers and alcohol addicted people. In smoking abstinence, people have to avoid tobacco as well as other smoking agents; whereas, abstinence from alcohol means avoiding the alcoholic beverages completely. The reasons of smoking and alcohol abstinence are various including religious beliefs, social barriers, and health issues. This is the most popular form of abstinence as many people want to get rid of this habit all over the world.

Besides above mentioned abstinence types there is another type of abstinence which is called recreational intoxicants abstinence. In this type of abstinence, the user will restrict him from using the illegal as well as legal substances. This type of abstinence is considered as a way for de-addiction from certain type of substances.  The success of abstinence depends largely on the will of that person, and people practice abstinence because of religious as well as social reasons. The need as well as the degree of the abstinence varies from one person to another along with the timing of this practice.

Raman Kanthan is a very spiritual person. When she is not busy working, she likes spending time with her family or reading books.

 

Here’s How You Get Chlamydia?

chlamydia

Chlamydia is one of the most common STIs (sexually transmitted infections) in the UK and affects up to 15% of sexually active young people under the age of 25. Chlamydia is a bacterial infection which is easily passed on through bodily fluids during unprotected sex.

The problem with Chlamydia is that often there are little or no symptoms at all and therefore, you can be unaware for months or years that you are actually carrying the infection.

Chlamydia is passed on from one person to another during unprotected sex. This can be vaginal, anal or oral and can also be passed on when using sex toys. The bacteria itself (Chlamydia Trachomatis), can easily live inside the cells of your cervix, rectum or urethra and can even sometimes affect the eyes, mouth and throat. If you are a woman who is pregnant, then Chlamydia can also be passed on to your baby.

YOU CANNOT GET CHLAMYDIA from:

  • Kissing
  • Sharing a Bath
  • Sharing Towels
  • Toilet Seats
  • Hugging
  • Cutlery, plates or Cups
  • In Swimming Pools And Changing Areas.

If you are sexually active then it is a good idea to get yourself tested annually to check that you are not carrying the infection. Chlamydia is often referred to as a ‘silent’ infection and this is because quite often, it will show no symptoms at all.

WOMEN might notice:

  • Unusual discharge, bleeding between periods or heavier periods than are normal for you, pain when having sex or bleeding afterwards, lower abdominal pain or pain when passing urine.

MEN might notice:

  • A white or cloudy discharge from their genital area, pain when passing urine, pain in the testicles or irritation in the area.

The best course of action if you are sexually active is to get yourself a FREE Chlamydia Test. Testing is available to everybody and is completely free on the NHS. Tests are strictly confidential and completely free. These tests can be taken at your local GP, sexual health clinic or at various GUM clinics and pharmacies in your local area. You can search online for your nearest clinic by entering your postcode into the relevant field. There are also a number of free Chlamydia tests available online and these too are free and confidential. With online Chlamydia test kits, you take the test yourself by providing a urine sample and posting it off to the clinic for analysis.

How Is Chlamydia Treated?

If you happen to prove positive for Chlamydia then there is absolutely nothing to worry about. Chlamydia is easily treated with a simple course of antibiotics which will clear the infection up. Be sure to make sure that your sexual partner is also tested if you have proved to be carrying the bacteria.

Visit Best2Know for information on how to get free chlamydia tests, as well as contraceptive information and fun sexual positions.

A 20 Year Old Man’s Approach To Sex

Condoms

Image by Tomizak

So, what does sex mean to you? Even if you don’t know that you have an answer for this, you do. Both knowingly and unknowingly, sex is going to be at the centre of your life throughout your early twenties – which makes it worth your while to take a few moments to reflect on where you stand in relation to your own sex life. And that’s exactly what we’re doing here with this blog; looking at how we approach it at this point in our lives.

Getting To Grips

Being twenty is a great age. It’s the grace period between teenage melodrama-laden relationships and the unmitigated hell of having actual responsibilities. You’re old enough to be recognised as a free agent, but young enough that still nobody really expects anything of you, which is great because that leaves you a lot of time for other stuff, like trying to develop a sex life.

It’s also the age that you realise that everybody was lying to you about sex. If you believed everything you’d heard as a teenager, depending on your sources, you’d think that losing your virginity would be the gateway into a tantric rockstar lifestyle, or be filled with a crippling fear of crabs, gonorrhea, or a mixture of both.

You’ll find that losing your virginity wasn’t even that important. Sure, you thought it was when it happened, because when you’re a teenager you think everything’s important so long as it involves you. But first times are the ones where you’re going in with the most theory and the least practical knowledge. Like with any contact sport, your first few years are always going to be putting in the groundwork before you’re ready for the big leagues.

Body Image

Back in the bad old days of rampant sexism throughout society, it used to be that women were unfairly pressured into an idealised notion of beauty in order to get a place on the sexual ladder. Now, we’re in a more modern, more equal society, where men get to be unfairly pressured into an idealised notion of beauty in order to get a place on the sexual ladder too.

If you’re already skinny and handsome, that’s great, and you should probably be out getting laid instead of reading this. But maybe you aren’t. Maybe you’re ugly. Maybe your face looks like someone tried to perform plastic surgery on a brick, and instead of a scalpel they used another, bigger brick, in which case things can suck.

This is more important the younger you are, since at the age of twenty there’s approximately zero chance you’re going to be rich, wise or witty enough to compensate for it. 21st Century gender politics is complicated, but all you really need to know at this point is that you’ll be spending a lot of money on shirts and hats to compensate.

Supplements

Over the course of your sex life, you might feel like trying Viagra, Cialis or some other supplement. It’s not something you need to be self-conscious about; nearly half of Viagra users take it recreationally, and there’s no stigma attached to being curious. Plus, even if erectile dysfunction does happen to you, it doesn’t make you any less of a man. Maybe your body is keeping the blood away from your genitals in case it needs it for something even manlier, like chopping wood or hunting bison. Just make with a plausible excuse and get out of there and nobody will think any the less of you – mine is that I get put off by my allergies to cats hair and crimson hair dye. Since I only date hipster art students, it pretty much covers all my bases.

As everyone with a working email inbox has noticed, solutions are readily available. It’s an important enough issue that Viagra holds the honor of being the fastest-approved commercial pill in the history of drug approval. When the forces of capitalism, politics and science converge like that, you’d be silly not to want to try it at least once.

So that’s the framework for sex for the next few years of your life. You should drop us a comment and let us know if we missed anything important.

 

Ed Hitchman is a writer and blogger, who passes his wisdom and maturity down to the youth of today, despite technically still being one of them.

 

Top Story: 4 Habits That Can Keep You From Getting Sex At Bedtime

boring sex

Years into a long-term relationship, most couples have an unfortunate lack of mind-blowing sex. The truth is that sex can become somewhat stale after two people make love with each other many times over several years, often resulting in low sexual interest or even erectile dysfunction. Fortunately, it’s possible to improve your sex life by making a few changes in daily habits. This can be true even if you’ve been married for decades.

According to some experts, the lack of sexual enjoyment common in many long-term relationships comes down to a lack of presence in the moment. It’s simply not as easy to get excited about the same types of foreplay, sex positions and orgasms time after time. This means that some creativity may be necessary to give new life to sex. Engaging in new kinds of foreplay and preventing monotony by enjoying different positions can make a huge difference.

Keeping sex from being boring is essential, but changing certain habits can also give a huge boost to sexual interest and enjoyment. Below is a look at four habits you can change in your bedtime routine to improve your sex life.

1. Directly asking your significant other if he or she wants to have sex

This can make the idea of sex seem painfully boring. Instead, embrace your significant other and give him or her a deep kiss. Keep going until there is simply no question about whether sex is in your immediate future. Instead, you’ll only be figuring out where to make love.

2. Keeping the bathroom door open when you use it

Movies and television shows may depict married couples conversing while one of them uses the toilet, but this isn’t necessarily a wise idea in real life. Whether you’re picking your toes or using the toilet, these actions could reduce the attraction your partner feels for you in the long term. If you can muster the self control to keep some things private, you might find that it pays off in the form of a richer sex life.

3. Watching your phone, television or laptop

Paying attention to the many modern distractions around us can put a hamper on lovemaking. Don’t just close your laptop or put your phone on silent. The latest bad news popping onto your bedroom television is sure to ruin the mood if one develops. If you want to bolster your sex life, keep those items out of the bedroom entirely. Studies have actually shown that when a television is kept in the bedroom, couples make love only about half as much as those who leave the television out.

4. Covering up with clothing at bedtime

Wearing full-body pajamas or sweatpants to bed may not be the best idea if you want to have sex more often. Sexy underwear of any kind will be a better choice. If you make a habit of wearing the sexy stuff you used to when you were first dating, you just might reignite your old sex life as well.

Author Byline: Alan Gillison has been living with ED for the past 3 years now. He enjoys providing answers and help for men who need advice or treatment for ed.

5 Benefits of Sex Therapy

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Sex therapy has been around for decades to help both individuals and couples alike to develop a healthy outlook on sexuality, love and how to express physical and emotional needs in any type of relationship. If you are considering attempting sex therapy on your own or even with a significant other, there are many benefits that come along with the sessions that can add an immense amount of value to your life. When you begin sex therapy, keeping an open mind can help you to accomplish any type of goal you had in mind prior to beginning the sessions.

Open Expression

Attending sex therapy is a way to feel more open with expressing yourself emotionally, especially to others. Talking openly about your sexual desires, feelings and emotions is highly recommended when you are participating in sex therapy to help you with achieving satisfaction and ultimately, happiness in your everyday life.

Confidence

Once you begin to feel comfortable with the sex therapy sessions you are having, you are more likely to experience a boost in confidence and in some cases, even your self-esteem. Feeling confident about yourself emotionally and physically will help you to talk with others and improve the relationship you may already have with a significant other. Having confidence will also give you the ability to speak your mind and actively seek a sex life that is satisfying and fulfilling on multiple levels.

Physically and Emotionally Satisfied

When you attend sex therapy, the ultimate goal is to keep you physically and emotionally satisfied, whether you are single, dating or even married. Feeling physically and emotionally satisfied in any relationship requires commitment and work, but it is possible by being open about your own needs and desires, which can be achieved by working with a sex therapist openly.

Feeling More Secure About Desires and Needs

Sex therapy allows you to feel more open and honest about your sexual needs along with your emotional desires. When you are in sex therapy, talking about fantasies, fetishes and even repressed emotions or feelings will help you to feel more secure about what you want out of life and with your current partner or significant other. Speaking openly about what you want with your significant other is also a way to help with securing your own needs and confidence in the process. Feeling confident with sharing your desires will help you to find a partner who is compatible sexually and with your communication style.

Improved Communication With Partners

One of the major benefits of attending sex therapy with your significant other or spouse is the improved communication that will be accomplished over time. When you attend sex therapy sessions with a professional, it is encouraged to be open and honest at all times about sexual needs, desires and even emotional feelings you may have when it comes to sex. The more open you are with your partner, the easier it will be to accomplish complete satisfaction when the two of you are together intimately. Having an ongoing discussion about sex and one another’s needs and desires is a way to live a happy and satisfying lifestyle without feeling repressed while withholding your wants from each other. Openly communicating about physical and emotional needs can help to keep relationships from ultimately drifting or falling apart.

Brenda Fowler is a couples counselor who recently contributed to the online guide to  the Top 10 Best Online Counseling Degree Programs.

 

How Exercise Can Put The X Back In Your Sex Life

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If your sex life has been a bit lackluster, you may want to hit the gym.  Losing weight and getting in shape not only makes you feel better, but it makes you feel better about yourself as well, boosting your self-confidence and your libido.  Recent research also shows that regular exercise can improve blood circulation, raise testosterone levels in men, and have a number of positive effects on the frequency and quality of your sexual activity.

Improved Blood Flow

Exercise strengthens your cardiovascular system, improving blood flow all over your body, including parts that need a lot of blood for sexual activity.  The benefits aren’t just for men, either.  A study done by researchers at the University of Texas at Austin found that women who watched an erotic video after a 20 minute session on an exercise bike were significantly more aroused – by 169% – than those who watched the same video without the exercise.  Arousal was measured by an increase of blood flow to the vagina.

Pump up the Testosterone

Studies show that men’s testosterone levels are at their highest levels for up to 48 hours after a weight lifting session.  Since men’s testosterone levels tend to decrease with age, this is a significant benefit.

Staying in shape also keeps male testosterone levels from waning as quickly over time.  Scientists at the New England Research Institute found that men with greater waist circumferences tended to have lower testosterone levels, and that waist size was a greater predictor of testosterone levels than overall weight.

Boost Your Staying Power

Let’s face it, sex can be a very strenuous activity, and the better shape you’re in, the longer you will be able to enjoy it.  Your heart, lungs, leg and back muscles are all working hard, and if you want to be able to go the distance, you need to ensure they’re all in tiptop shape.

Exercise Trumps Viagra

For those taking Viagra, try boosting your exercise routine to save yourself some money and possibly dangerous side effects.  Research has shown that men who get regular exercise are able to perform more often and more reliably.  In a study of 31,000 male subjects, Harvard School of Public Health researchers concluded that men who underwent 20 to 30 minutes of rigorous exercise daily were 30% less likely to complain of erectile dysfunction.

Remain Rigidly Flexible

The hottest sex quite often involves a number of unusual postures and positions, and nothing puts a damper on the occasion more than a pulled muscle or other injury.  Exercises like Yoga and Pilates can lengthen and strengthen muscles, while improving flexibility and range of motion.

It’s All in the Concentration

Women are much more prone to distraction during sex, largely because as the caretakers of the family they are much more likely to be worrying about family matters and schedules than men.  Since women also require more emotional involvement in order to obtain sexual satisfaction, this can cause a significant problem.

Exercise programs such as yoga help women to focus their minds and concentrate more on their bodies, and can greatly enhance their sexual gratification due to their enhanced ability to concentrate.

Look Good to Feel Good

It should come as no surprise that by losing weight and tightening and toning muscles we feel much better about our bodies, which leads to much more enjoyment of sexual interaction.  Physical fitness leads to feelings of physical attractiveness, which in turn increases self-confidence and sexual awareness and enjoyment.

All in all, improving your overall health and fitness levels may lead to surprising benefits you didn’t expect!

Dan Clay is a fitness boot camp specialist and owner of Dangerously Fit.

Bisexual Men Who’ve Chosen Straight Relationships Can Struggle To Manage Urges

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The lines of sexuality are blurred these days. “Heterosexual” and “homosexual” no longer cover all of the possibilities. Straight, gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, and, transgender are more commonly used, but who are we to say that one of these labels can be used to describe everyone?

Several years ago, Oprah Winfrey had an episode of her talk show, at least once, that had seemingly straight men reveal to their wives that they were actually gay. More recently, men are coming forward to say that, while they are straight or bi-sexual, and choose to have a female partner in life, they have a strong desire to engage in sexual activity with male partners as well.

Is This Gay?

Does this make a man gay? Or does he possibly experience a sexual identity that does not fall into one of the categories that our society has created?

The online dating website, OkCupid.com reports that 13% of straight men who have a profile on the site have answered “yes” to having sexual experiences with men in the past, and another 5% of the male users of the site have not, but answered “yes” to wanting to have sexual experiences with men. It seems gay-curious can be added to the list of ways in which to identify ones sexuality?

Having Urges

So what does this mean for men who are in committed relationships with women, but who find themselves having urges to engage in sexual activities with other men? And what are the options for these men when they can no longer manage their urges on their own?

Sexual addiction comes in many forms, and may be a part of these mens reality. Roughly 5% of the United States population is affected by sex addiction, also known as compulsive sexual behavior or hyper-sexual disorder. That doesn’t sound like a lot, but with a population of 315,574,588, there are close to 16 million people struggling with some form of a sexual addiction.

How can you tell the difference between sexual addiction and acts of sexual behavior?

The definition of addiction is helpful. According to the American Society of Addiction Medicine, or ASAM, who determines the criteria for assessing addiction, believes that: addiction is characterized by:

  • an inability to consistently abstain from the behavior, or the substance,
  • impairment in one’s ability to control their own behaviors,
  • craving the behavior, or substance,
  • diminished recognition of significant problems with one’s behaviors and interpersonal relationships,
  • and a dysfunctional emotional response to events in everyday life.

People who are accurately diagnosed with sexual addiction suffer from an inability to regulate their personal negative feelings and emotional states, so in an effort to cope, distract, or escape these difficult feelings, they act out sexually.

As a result, interpersonal relationships decline, intimacy is nearly impossible to experience, or sustain, with another person, and closeness with another human being feels intolerable when someone is dealing the following symptoms of sexual addiction:

  • Impulsivity
  • Obsessive Thinking
  • Trauma
  • Co-Morbidity

Similar to most other chronic diseases, addiction operates in cycles with periods of relapse and periods of remission. When left untreated, sexual addiction is progressive, meaning it will to continue to get worse over time.

Is There Help Available?

The good news? There is effective treatment for a sex addiction. There are many options for sexual addiction therapy in Los Angeles, California.

With various modalities and strategies for recovery, everyone suffering from a form of sexual addiction can make choices to learn how to change their behaviors. Rehab for sex addiction focuses on the root of the addiction, so that a personalized treatment plan effectively helps the addict heal.

Dr. Priya Chaudhri, Ph.D. is the clinical director for a Beverly Hills holistic treatment center, The Control Center, that helps people by providing treatment for drug addiction, gambling addiction and sexual addiction in Los Angeles.

The Truth Behind Sexual Addiction

Sex-Addict-Chalkboard

The advantages of having sex are enormous as it helps you to reduce your weight, reduce frustration, and an increase in endorphins. Sex is the basis for any good, romantic relationship. However, like any other thing, there are some disadvantages in having sex. We hardly discuss the sexual addiction topic; however, research shows that sexual addiction is the same as alcohol addiction or smoking. First of all, we need to understand what sexual addiction is. Having normal sex does not come under sexual addiction, but any excess sexual behaviors are called sexual addictions. Some people have become addicted to sex so much that they will eliminate intercourse and masturbate instead. It has also been observed that with the emergence of the Internet, this problem increases even more.

 

Symptoms of Sexual Addiction

If you are having daily sex with your partner, it does not come under the  term “sexual addiction.” However, if you are masturbating more than four times in a day, it is obviously called a sexual addiction. The following are a few common symptoms of sexual addiction:

 

  • When you feel shame about your sexual needs, it is an obvious sign that you are sexually addicted.
  • When you feel that you are thinking about sex too much while working or performing daily household tasks, that is also a sign of become addicted sexually.
  • When you fail to control your sexual desires, it is just another symptom of sex addiction.

Consequences of Sex Addiction

Sex is a beautiful thing if you take it as a normal routine; however, any kind of excessive sexual desires can destroy your personal as well as professional life very easily. One of the main consequences of sexual addiction is often people do not care whether they are having safe sex or not. The risk of having sexually transmitted diseases increases if you are sexually addicted. Another danger of becoming sexually addicted is if your personal life can be stressful when your partner finds out that you are involved in cheating. What happens when your coworkers or boss find that you are spending a lot of time watching porn movies and porn sites.

 

Treatment for Sexual Addiction

Coming out from a sexual addiction is almost the same as you needing to come out of drugs or alcohol addictions. You have to restrict yourself from unwanted sexual activities such as avoiding watching porn material. You have to normalize your sexual patterns by developing a healthy sexual relationship with your partner. Initially, you need to avoid sex completely until the ghost of sex goes out of your mind.

 

The problem with sexual addiction has experienced a manifold increase during the last few years as the porn material is easily accessible, and gradually it changes our sexual needs. Many people are still not aware about their sexual addiction and are becoming more addictive to unhealthy sexual habits. In order to avoid any kind of dangerous consequences, you need to get yourself out of this addiction and live a normal sex life with your partner.

Sharmi S. is a freelance writer from Hamilton, ON, who motivates people through her writing. She is a seasoned author whose works have been published in many authority sites.

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