Good for him and it’s also good for the Black community, a community that continues to shun and discourage those who are part of the LGBTQ community. However, I’ll be glad when the day comes that someone being gay or … Continue reading
In my last post, I wrote about the process I went through to get to a place of opening up to women on a sexual level. Some lesbians know from a young age that they are only interested in … Continue reading
Realizing that you are attracted to the same sex can occur gradually or very suddenly; it can happen when you are seventy or when you are three. It can change and fluctuate or remain constant. Thinking you are gay and … Continue reading
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Many in the LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Transgender, Questioning) community are often looking for places to travel where they can be free to be themselves without the worry of being discriminated against. Gay Travel Buddy is the online hotspot for … Continue reading
I am, of course being sarcastic by labeling this “Breaking News”, but check out the video… Watch Being Dangerous Lee on You Tube
It’s just something about her. You can’t wait to see her each day. You come up with any excuse to have meaningless chit chat with her. You catch yourself taking a peek at her body, sometimes from head to toe. She crosses your mind far too often throughout the day. You wonder what it would be like to kiss her lips, hold her in your arms, and to do whatever comes naturally. If only one of you would break the ice, cross the line, even make an awkward joke. But no one will. You’re both afraid to. After all, you are both straight women.
Many straight women find themselves in this position. They’ve dated men all their lives. They have intentions of one day settling down and raising a family with a MAN. But every once in a while, a female catches their eye and they think, “MAYBE”.
There have been many women who have had intimate or sexual experiences with other women. They do not, however, identify themselves as lesbian or bisexual. They look at the experience as an opportunity that they took advantage of. For some, it may have been more than just curiosity or a one night stand. It may have actually escalated to a dating relationship, but they still won’t stamp GAY across their foreheads. It was what it was. End of story.
But what about the women who are longing for this experience? Is this you? You have this strong interest in a woman, but she has no history (to your knowledge) of being involved with other women. You want so badly to say something to her. If you approach her the wrong way, the consequences could be devastating. What if she is disgusted by the very idea of homosexuality? What if she has strong religious views about it? What if she is so uncomfortable by your advances that you lose her as a friend? Or in the most extreme cases, what if she reports you for sexual harassment or slaps the hell out of you? The unknown can be very scary, especially when sexuality is involved. So what do you do? There’s no error proof way to figure it out, but here are some pointers to at least get you started.
Pointers For The Straight Woman Trying To Get The Straight Woman:
- Evaluate the situation. Try to figure out what you are actually attracted to about this woman. Is it mainly superficial (you like her body, her style, etc.,) or is it deeper (you wanna get to know her, spend time with her, date)? If it’s only a superficial attraction, be sure that it’s worth risking the friendship. Once you attempt to make a move, if you get rejected, your friendship as you know it could be over. Move slowly.
- Feel the vibe. The REAL vibe. Sometimes when we are crushing on someone, we have a tendency to read too much into things. If someone knows you love Pepsi, and they leave a can of Pepsi on your desk one day, it could just be a friendly gesture. It doesn’t mean that they were out shopping and thought, “Hmmm, what can I get her to let her know that I really like her and that I’m thinking about her?” It may not be that serious. Just make sure that the signs that you think you’re seeing are really there. Don’t interpret everything to make it fit into your desires. It is possible that she may NOT feel the same way. Think of what she says and how she says it, then ask yourself, could this be said to anyone else or is it really personally directed at me. Listen when she speaks.
- Conversation – TAKE IT THERE! At some point you’re gonna have to get a feel for her thoughts on being with another woman. Make a joke, refer to a movie scene or a TV show (The L Word would be good!), just to open up the dialogue about same sex relationships. Don’t be afraid to put the topic at the forefront of the conversation. It doesn’t have to involve you and your personal thoughts. Just talk about the topic and decide if the game is on or if the game is over.
- Make sure you really want her….REALLY! Suppose everything goes well and your woman of interest takes the bait. Now what? Are you actually ready and willing to go all the way with her? I don’t mean stopping at a few kisses. She may be more into this than you are. What are your limits? Don’t get her all hyped up for something that you are not prepared to go through with. It’s one thing to think about it, it’s another thing to be about it.
- Take advantage of the night time. There’s something about late night phone calls that sometime allow people to leave their inhibitions at the door. You’re not face to face, you’re relaxed, probably laying across the bed or couch, the light may be off. What people say in the dark differs from the day time convo. Use that to your advantage!
- Skip all the above steps and just be a bold sistah! How confident are you that she is as interested as you are? Or maybe you’re not confident, but you’re not one for games and trying to figure people out. Then go for it! Just ask. “How do you feel about same sex relationships?”; “Have you ever had an experience with another woman?” ; “Are you interested in having a relationship with another woman?”; “Can I come by tonight?” LOL, Okay maybe the last one is a bit too bold, but hey, if boldness is in your personality, then do you!
- Play the waiting game. You can always wait it out and see if the opportunity naturally presents itself. The downside to waiting is that if no one ever mentions it, chances are, both parties will be too afraid to ever make a move. This could end up being a much longer wait than you anticipate, but it can happen.
One thing you have to keep in mind is the reality of changing your relationship. It could change if you end up being intimate and it could change if you approach her and get rejected. Either way, it’s a chance. Weigh your options before making any moves and consider what you have to lose – compare it to what you think you will gain. Hopefully the gain will be more than a night’s worth of pleasure. Be careful, don’t be pushy, and pay attention to body language. Is she really pulling you in and giving you the green light or are the red lights blaring in your face?
I wish you luck on your quest for the kitty. Be prepared for all reactions and outcomes, and most important, if you are successful, BE SAFE! Your health is your priority!
Now relax, take a deep breath, and go for it!
- VL on the DL
We are often fascinated with what we cannot have, especially the people we cannot have. At some point we’ve all longed for the unreachable – that unavailable love. Whether they are unavailable because of marriage, distance, age, celebrity status, etc., the heart still yearns and wants what it wants.
Perhaps one of the most fascinating cases of unattainable love is that of the straight woman towards the gay male. I’m not talking about women who have a close knit relationship with gay males and see them as confidants, best buds, or big brothers. I’m talking about straight women who fall head over heels in love with gay men and are dead set on dragging them down the aisle.
It’s not hard to understand the appeal. More times than not, the gay male is extremely good looking, takes excellent care of his body, has a fun outgoing personality, and actually listens when a woman speaks or needs to pour her heart out. These qualities sometime turn the straight woman from good friend to prowess – ready to battle his sexuality until victory is hers. The quest for the unattainable begins.
Truth be told, there’s no real harm in falling for or crushing on a gay man, or anyone else you can’t have. It’s good to fantasize – it keeps the brain active! The problem occurs when you allow your love and fascination for the unattainable to interfere with the realistic opportunities that are all around you. Saving yourself for a gay man because you feel in your hear t that you’re the woman that’s gonna make him go straight is an unrealistic life plan. In fact, you’re setting yourself up for a long, lonely, unfulfilled life. It’s not impossible. Yes, it’s happened. Gay men have indeed fallen in love with women. But it’s a rare occurrence and your dreams shouldn’t be built upon rarities.
What’s the saying? All the good men are either gay or married. Well, that may seem like the case, but it doesn’t mean you should stop looking. Besides, if you come across to desperate or too strong towards the gay male of your dreams, you could end up making him extremely uncomfortable and push him away. Isn’t having some type of relationship with him better than not having any part of him at all?
Knowing the difference between reality and fantasy is the key. Go ahead and chase the gay man all you want – flirt, bend over, show your cleavage, bat your eyes, do all your secret tricks, but just know that it ends there. Don’t waste too much time trying to seduce Mr. Not Interested because Mr. Very Interested may pass you by.
- VL on the DL
- The Allure of the Gay Male (dangerouslee.biz)
Use of the words “fag” or “faggot” is in heavy rotation these days. I have not had the displeasure of hearing any of his material, but apparently, Tyler the Creator, frontman of Odd Future uses the word “faggot” more than 200 times on his CD, Goblin. Tyler recently told MTV News, “Well I have gay fans and they don’t really take it offensive, so I don’t know. If it offends you, it offends you.”
How does he know that all his fans (whoever they are) are not offended by his use of the word “faggot”, has he spoken to all of them?
Tyler has also been quoted as saying, I’m not homophobic. I just think ‘faggot’ hits and hurts people. It hits. And ‘gay’ just means you’re stupid. I don’t know, we don’t think about it, we’re just kids. We don’t think about that s—. But I don’t hate gay people. I don’t want anyone to think I’m homophobic. If you call me a n***a, I really don’t care, but that’s just me, personally. Some people might take it the other way, I personally don’t give a s—.”
As goofy as he looks and sounds, does he have a point? Calling a man a faggot is the quickest way to piss him off and kids today don’t fully understand the impact of the word “nigger” but are familiar with the term “nigga” which has very different meaning. People also use words that are politically incorrect when they call someone stupid or dumb, such as, “gay”, “faggot”, or “retarded” and some woman call each other bitches as a term of endearment. Furthermore, some gay people call each other “fag” as a term of endearment.
Is this simply a case of mistaken context identity? Meaning, are people taking the use of “fag” out of context in this situation? Does it offend you?
- Odd Future: 213 Uses of ‘Faggot’ Not Homophobic (theroot.com)
- Tyler, The Creator Defends His Use Of Other F-Word (mtv.com)
- Rapper Says Gay Fans Don’t Mind His Homophobic Language (redbeardedoctopus.wordpress.com)
Ready to live out and proud? Pack your bags and take a vacation to check out these gay hot spots:
6. Dallas, Texas
5. Atlanta, Georgia
4. Lexington/Louisville, Kentucky
3. Iowa City, Iowa
2. Anywhere in Vermont
1. Western North Carolina
Read the full article by Heather Cronk to find out why the above cites are great places to be gay!
“Weird, soulful, old school, catchy, uplifting. All of these words have been used by listeners to describe Tunde’s style. One moment, a chorus of vocals soar over a sitar raga, the next, he sings quietly over a spare Casio keyboard, 808, and gulping tablas. Armed with a strange, wonderful new sound, solid vocals, and commanding stage presence, Tunde is prepared to share his music with the world.”
Many people also use the word “gay” to describe Tunde. Why is it that a gay man is only thought to be one way, feminine or androgynous? Why is it that a straight man is only seen as one way, butch or thuggish? Would people be worried about Tunde’s sexuality if he were a White man?
I HAD TO ASK THE QUESTION:
Dangerous: Many times I am often asked by others in the community, “What’s up with your boy, Tunde? Is he gay?” Do you have to deal with people questioning your sexuality often? If so, how do you react?
Side note: Before I knew the answer to this question, I would simply answer that I did not know, but I would inquire why they asked or why they cared. Basically it was Black men or other men of color who have asked. They respect Tunde’s talent but felt that his style of dress and overall demeanor was not typical of what they were used to as far as straight men are concerned.
When I learned the answer to the question, I would further explain that he’s an artist, as an artist myself I am often misjudged or misunderstood and I often find that people do not “get me” at all. A persons sexuality is a non factor to me. Tunde is an awesome person and that’s all I care about in anyone.
OK, ON TO TUNDE’S RESPONSE…
Tunde: It’s interesting because people pretty much make up their minds without ever directly asking me. It’s not really a “question” for them as much as it’s like them being sure already! It’s very rare that someone asks me.
So, even though there might not really be a point because people think what they want to think, I’ll answer the inferred question: I’m a weird, androgynous heterosexual lol. I express my “gender” and “race” in a way that’s atypical, or queer. I don’t mean queer as in “gay;” I mean queer as in just really freaking strange or odd from a conventional viewpoint. In terms of my personal practices/preferences, I don’t have/want same-sex romantic or physical relationships.
In some ways, people assuming I’m gay helps me know *their* true colors more than anything else. If they assume I’m gay and treat me well, then I know they are probably good people! The funniest part is when I’ve had to “come out” to LGBTQ friends as heterosexual; or guys have asked my gay friends if I’m gay because they want to ask me out!
All in all, I don’t have an issue with questions about my sexuality. As long as someone’s uncertainty doesn’t stop them from treating me with respect, then I’m good.
Watch This – Tunde Olaniran Live! Can you spot Dangerous Lee?
- Is there a gay gene? | Head to head (guardian.co.uk)
- Is Heterosexuality Real? (thoughtcatalog.com)
- Dangerous Lee Appears on MTV! (dangerouslee.biz)
- Why you don’t get to call me queer (thekevinmcgowan.wordpress.com)
- Black LGBT Educators Series: Jonte Lee, Washington, D.C. (youthprideservices.org)
- A Letter to Parents of LGBT Youth (joeyrusso.wordpress.com)
COLAGE is a national movement of children, youth, and adults with one or more lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and/or queer (LGBTQ) parent/s. We build community and work toward social justice through youth empowerment, leadership development, education, and advocacy.
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Registration begins at noon and the 3 mile walk begins at 2pm. There will be children activities, contests, raffle, food, free health screenings, games and special guests; author of “Hiding in Hip Hop” Terrance Dean, and President of Run Athletics and star of MTV reality series “Run’s House” Rasheed Young. Mayor Dayne Walling is also scheduled to make an appearance!
The Delta Gems
Spoken word artist Amber Lakes
Rock band The Artisans
Draq queens Diana Paradise and Moltyn Decadence
Inspirational dance by Lamarr
Donate to AIDS Walk Flint through my donation page or create your own!