It’s just something about her. You can’t wait to see her each day. You come up with any excuse to have meaningless chit chat with her. You catch yourself taking a peek at her body, sometimes from head to toe.  She crosses your mind far too often throughout the day. You wonder what it would be like to kiss her lips, hold her in your arms, and to do whatever comes naturally. If only one of you would break the ice, cross the line, even make an awkward joke.  But no one will. You’re both afraid to. After all, you are both straight women.

Many straight women find themselves in this position. They’ve dated men all their lives. They have intentions of one day settling down and raising a family with a MAN.  But every once in a while, a female catches their eye and they think, “MAYBE”.

There have been many women who have had intimate or sexual experiences with other women. They do not, however, identify themselves as lesbian or bisexual. They look at the experience as an opportunity that they took advantage of. For some, it may have been more than just curiosity or a one night stand. It may have actually escalated to a dating relationship, but they still won’t stamp GAY across their foreheads. It was what it was. End of story.

But what about the women who are longing for this experience?  Is this you? You have this strong interest in a woman, but she has no history (to your knowledge) of being involved with other women.  You want so badly to say something to her. If you approach her the wrong way, the consequences could be devastating. What if she is disgusted by the very idea of homosexuality? What if she has strong religious views about it? What if she is so uncomfortable by your advances that you lose her as a friend? Or in the most extreme cases, what if she reports you for sexual harassment or slaps the hell out of you? The unknown can be very scary, especially when sexuality is involved.  So what do you do? There’s no error proof way to figure it out, but here are some pointers to at least get you started.

Pointers For The Straight Woman Trying To Get The Straight Woman:

1. Evaluate the situation. Try to figure out what you are actually attracted to about this woman. Is it mainly superficial (you like her body, her style, etc.,) or is it deeper (you wanna get to know her, spend time with her, date)?  If it’s only a superficial attraction, be sure that it’s worth risking the friendship. Once you attempt to make a move, if you get rejected, your friendship as you know it could be over. Move slowly.
2. Feel the vibe. The REAL vibe. Sometimes when we are crushing on someone, we have a tendency to read too much into things.  If someone knows you love Pepsi, and they leave a can of Pepsi on your desk one day, it could just be a friendly gesture. It doesn’t mean that they were out shopping and thought, “Hmmm, what can I get her to let her know that I really like her and that I’m thinking about her?” It may not be that serious. Just make sure that the signs that you think you’re seeing are really there. Don’t interpret everything to make it fit into your desires. It is possible that she may NOT feel the same way. Think of what she says and how she says it, then ask yourself, could this be said to anyone else or is it really personally directed at me. Listen when she speaks.
3. Conversation – TAKE IT THERE! At some point you’re gonna have to get a feel for her thoughts on being with another woman. Make a joke, refer to a movie scene or a TV show (The L Word would be good!), just to open up the dialogue about same sex relationships.  Don’t be afraid to put the topic at the forefront of the conversation. It doesn’t have to involve you and your personal thoughts. Just talk about the topic and decide if the game is on or if the game is over.
4. Make sure you really want her….REALLY! Suppose everything goes well and your woman of interest takes the bait. Now what? Are you actually ready and willing to go all the way with her? I don’t mean stopping at a few kisses. She may be more into this than you are. What are your limits? Don’t get her all hyped up for something that you are not prepared to go through with.  It’s one thing to think about it, it’s another thing to be about it.
5. Take advantage of the night time. There’s something about late night phone calls that sometime allow people to leave their inhibitions at the door.  You’re not face to face, you’re relaxed, probably laying across the bed or couch, the light may be off. What people say in the dark differs from the day time convo. Use that to your advantage!
6. Skip all the above steps and just be a bold sistah! How confident are you that she is as interested as you are? Or maybe you’re not confident, but you’re not one for games and trying to figure people out. Then go for it! Just ask. “How do you feel about same sex relationships?”; “Have you ever had an experience with another woman?” ; “Are you interested in having a relationship with another woman?”; “Can I come by tonight?” LOL, Okay maybe the last one is a bit too bold, but hey, if boldness is in your personality, then do you!
7. Play the waiting game. You can always wait it out and see if the opportunity naturally presents itself.  The downside to waiting is that if no one ever mentions it, chances are, both parties will be too afraid to ever make a move. This could end up being a much longer wait than you anticipate, but it can happen.

One thing you have to keep in mind is the reality of changing your relationship. It could change if you end up being intimate and it could change if you approach her and get rejected. Either way, it’s a chance. Weigh your options before making any moves and consider what you have to lose – compare it to what you think you will gain. Hopefully the gain will be more than a night’s worth of pleasure. Be careful, don’t be pushy, and pay attention to body language. Is she really pulling you in and giving you the green light or are the red lights blaring in your face?

I wish you luck on your quest for the kitty. Be prepared for all reactions and outcomes, and most important, if you are successful, BE SAFE!  Your health is your priority!

Now relax, take a deep breath, and go for it!

- VL on the DL

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