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Child sexual abuse

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Dangerous Lee Responds To: R. Kelly – Shut Up!

▶ R. Kelly – Shut Up! [NEW] – YouTube.

No, You Shut Up! Be thankful that you have fans and stop playing the victim. Stop focusing on people who don’t like or respect you because of your illegal and sick ass sexual behavior that you weren’t properly punished for. You’re one Black man that got away with something. Your spirit will be better off if you focus on those who choose to support you because you make great music. It’s a priority and values thing and granted none of us are all good or all bad; I personally cannot and will not support a man that has sexually abused young girls. I was sexually abused as a child and your very existance annoys the hell out of me. You have people in a spell because you make good music, that’s it and that’s fucked up because it means we don’t care about girls/women. If you  made wack ass songs people would not give a shit about you. I am literally shaking my head as a huff escapes my nose while  I slightly twist my lips into a  sarcastic grin. You make me sick. And yet, here I am promoting you for the second time today. I’m sick too. That’s what being sexually molested does to your mind. That’s all.

Being Sexually Molested Ruined My Life: Protect Your Children

Prevent the Next Sandusky‏

If you have turned on a TV or read the newspaper in the last nine months, you are familiar with the criminal case against Jerry Sandusky, retired Penn State assistant football coach. Sandusky was a highly respected man who took kids into his home as a foster parent, founded his own group home for wayward boys, took children on field trips and held sleepovers in his basement. Sandusky’s dedication to children won him awards for service to youth. He even won a prestigious Presidential Point of Light award. His position as a youth leader allowed him to be close to children, to share their time and win their trust. He used that access to carry out dark fantasies with young boys. He now stands convicted of 47 incidents of child sexual abuse.

How did this happen? Sandusky was able to gain access to vulnerable boys through the Second Mile group home, an organization he founded in 1977. The Second Mile home was highly regarded for its work with high-risk boys. So how was Sandusky able to slip through the defenses of professionals who should have understood the risks of allowing an individual adult unlimited access to children?

The answer is that scores of organizations, including the Second Mile home, need better child safety policies, procedures and training, and they need to commit to consistent enforcement. The hard lesson of the Sandusky incident has prompted youth-serving organizations throughout the nation to turn to Darkness to Light for help with policies, procedures and training.

Unfortunately, many non-profit organizations are unable to afford even the nominal cost of Darkness to Light’s training materials. These organizations care for scores of children. It is simply unacceptable to turn these organizations away.

This is why Darkness to Light needs your help. Will you help organizations who cannot afford child sexual abuse prevention training through a donation to Darkness to Light’s training scholarship fund? If we learned anything from the Sandusky incident, it is that training adults to prevent, recognize and react responsibly to child sexual abuse, before it happens, is a smart investment.

For each $10 you donate, we can equip an adult with the tools and knowledge they need to prevent, recognize and react responsibly to child sexual abuse. Plus, 100% of your donation will go towards the cost of training materials.   

There will always be people like Jerry Sandusky among us. However, with your help, we can create a barrier between these individuals and the children we cherish. 

Please help.

Thank you for your continued support,
 
Jolie Logan
President & CEO 
Darkness to Light

Darkness to Light: Tips for Selecting Caregivers for Your Children

As parents and caregivers, we must often rely on individuals outside the immediate family to take care of our children.  To ensure safety we must ask appropriate questions of potential caregivers.  Some of these questions may be a bit scary but our own discomfort should be second to safety.  Be confident in knowing that by asking the right questions, you are demonstrating your awareness, knowledge and committment to preventing child sexual abuse. 

Screening individual caregivers*:

  • Check the background of a potential caregiver through law enforcement.  You will need permission from the individual to conduct the search and personal information like date of birth and social security number. And always check references.
  • Let child care providers know that you may make unscheduled visits, and then follow through.
  • Ask the person if he or she has ever identified an abused child and gauge their reaction to see if they would minimize or justify abusive behaviors.  Ask the person if he or she has ever been accused of abusing a child and again gauge their reaction. 
  • Be clear with a potential caregiver about your family rules for safety including physical boundaries, personal and physical care, and discipline.  Let them know you are vigilant with regards to safety and that your child knows the safety rules.

Here are some additional tips

  • Always ask for recommendations and keep a list of screened babysitters before you need them so you aren’t rushed to use someone you don’t know well. 
  • Be wary of someone who is over eager to watch your kids, like offering to babysit for free or offers to babysit just to “give you a break.” 
  • Bath and get your child ready for bed before a caregiver arrives. 
  • Watch for “grooming behavior” which might include physical horseplay, tickling, kissing, hugging, massaging, invading child’s space or privacy, like walking in while they are in the bathroom. 
  • Set boundries with simple things like candy or TV time and consider it a red flag if a babysitter doesn’t respect these boundaries.
  • Watch and listen to your child; observe before, during and after time with a caregiver; look for any changes in behavior.
  • Follow all of these tips regardless of the age of the caregiver as older youth and teens can also be perpetrators of abuse. 

*Portions excerpted from “Protecting Children from Sexual Abuse: a Guide for Adults” by M. Elizabeth Ralston, Ph.D. and Polly Sosnowski, MSW.

Are these tips helpful? Share them – and help us end CSA.

What We Can Learn From Penn State

By D2L.org
It’s unfortunate that it takes national headlines to get people talking about a problem that is all too prevalent in our society.  However, we can take advantage of this opportunity to shine the light on the issue of child sexual abuse and recognize that we all have a responsibility to protect children.
  • This issue is not about big universities, celebrity, or one headline.  It’s not about reputations, or legacies, or any one institution.  This issue is about children
  • We have have to step into the reality that there are people in our midst that would rob children of their innocence and they are people we know and trust.  They will go out of their way to appear above reproach and they will infiltrate our families and organizations where they can have easy access to children. 
  • It takes tremendous courage for children and adults that have been abused to come forward and our reactions can create a safe and supportive environment for others to share their story.  We must support and honor the courage of victims and survivors and work together to put an end to the sexual abuse of innocent children. 
  • Child safety is the job of an adult.  Teaching children how to keep themselves safe from abuse is important, but adults bear the burden of stepping up and speaking out when something doesn’t look or feel right with respect to the well being of a child.  Reporting sexual abuse is simply the right thing to do regardless of one’s legal responsibility as a mandated reporter.  If you see something or suspect abuse, call the police.                       
  • The ramifications of not acting responsibly are clear.  More abuse occurs, more children are harmed, fewer children get the help they so deserve.  To be silent bystanders is to be complicit in its occurrence and wake. To intervene is to ensure that a child is treated and supported, that they are healed and better protected from the potential lifelong hardships of the trauma they’ve experienced.                       
  • Child sexual abuse is preventable.  We can learn the facts, we can acknowledge the reality, we can talk to other adults, we can ensure youth serving organizations have comprehensive child protection policy, and we can talk to our children.  Awareness and education is the answer.
  • The fight against child abuse cannot be the job of one individual or agency; it has to be a collaborative effort.  It will take all of us to change culture–to one where engaged adults offer no access to children and no place for a perpetrator to commit their heinous acts. 
  • We can be stuck in the shock and horror at stories in the headlines or we can stay focused on the things we can all do today that better protect children.  

Ways to Get Involved

  • Learn the 7 Steps to Protecting Our Children.                       
  • Find out more about Stewards of Children, a training for adults on how to prevent, recognize, and react responsibly to child sexual abuse.                       
  • Take Stewards of Children online now.                        
  • Join the Movement to end child sexual abuse.

Top Story – Sex and Relationships with Mikaya Heart: Give Thanks!

Since it’s Thanksgiving, it seems appropriate to suggest that we all give thanks to our bodies. That’s actually something I recommend on a daily basis. Most of us take our bodies for granted, frequently forcing them to do all kinds of things that they really don’t want to do, running around all day long instead of taking time to sit and relax. We need to develop a good relationship with our bodies; we need to learn to listen to them. We are partners for life with the body we were born into, so make the best of it. Our bodies want to please us but like everything else, they need love and attention. One of the best ways to give them that is to make love. There is nothing like a good orgasm to make the body happy.

Sex always involves the body, and good sex requires that you are absolutely present in your body. We are energetic beings as well as physical beings, and some of us are not in the habit of having both in the same place. While the physical body is on one side of the room, your energetic body may be on the other side. (Really, that happens.) One of the wonderful things about sex is that when you start feeling sexual desire, you become absolutely present and integrated, and nothing else matters. You are all in one place with one focus. It’s good to have that experience of being absolutely right there, being fully in your body. We need to learn to do that more in our lives. We often think that sex is the only way to get that feeling of “right there-ness” but in reality, it can occur whenever we are totally concentrated. All great artists know that feeling—it’s about allowing the energy of creation to move through us, only it doesn’t have to be about making babies.

Another timely topic is childhood sexual abuse. I bring that up now because it’s classic for people who have had unpleasant sexual encounters to leave their bodies as soon as they start having sex. I know, I was one of them. Because of that, I have a deeper understanding of sexual abuse than many people, so let me correct a couple of misunderstandings: sexual abuse is not more common than it used to be, it’s just that until recently everyone covered it up. The shame and secrecy were more powerful than the desire to tell the truth. Although people still cover it up a lot, it’s beginning to leak out around the edges. That’s a good thing, a very good thing. Sexual abuse can’t keep occurring if the victims don’t keep quiet about it. But it does require courage to talk about it, because it’s such an intense assault on the psyche that it creates a deep sense of shame.

The other misunderstanding is that it happens as much or more to boys as it does to girls. It’s just that we hear about it more from boys, they are more likely to talk about it. Because of the way that sex has been used to threaten women since the beginning of time, women grow up with a deep subconscious awareness that sex can be used against them and that many men see them as prey. Until the last hundred years, our culture hasn’t considered that a problem at all, and women who complained got no support from the status quo. It takes a lot of generations to change those old cultural ways of thinking, and most girls still won’t talk about it.

The good news is that it’s possible to heal—once again, I know, I did it. An understanding and loving partner is huge plus, because you have speak about it openly, and you have to give a voice to those feelings. We can’t have good sex without our feelings coming up, anyway—at least it might be possible for men, but not very many women can cut themselves off from their feelings and still have great sex. Sadly, some women are never able to be very present for sex, often because of past sexual trauma. We need to educate all our children so that they understand they have the right to dictate what happens to their bodies, making sure they know that if any kind of abuse ever occurs we will be there standing behind them one hundred percent. And that goes for sexual abuse that happens when we are adults as well.

Let’s all start talking about sex in a real and open way. If we talked about sex as much as I think we should, this would be a different world, and sexual abuse would barely exist, because it couldn’t be hidden and we wouldn’t tolerate it. And, by the way, we would have at least twenty different words for different types of orgasm.

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