Author Charly Emery is proud to announce the release of her new book, Thank Goodness You Dumped His Ass: Use Those Mr. Wrongs to Lead You Straight to Mr. Right. With a refreshingly frank and entertaining writing style, Emery focuses … Continue reading
Author Charly Emery is proud to announce the release of her new book, Thank Goodness You Dumped His Ass: Use Those Mr. Wrongs to Lead You Straight to Mr. Right. With a refreshingly frank and entertaining writing style, Emery focuses solely on results by delivering a set of simple, specific and strategic steps that ensure success in the relationship market.
I asked Charly the following question and her answer follows:
Dangerous: I have not been in a relationship in 10 years. Men find me intimidating and unless I am initially physically attracted to someone I don’t give them the time of day. What is my problem?
Charly: I’d need more info to be super specific, however taking your question at face value, I’ll give you what comes to mind in general.
Most of the time we think men are intimidated when they don’t approach or fail to pursue something they start further, but to be real… sometimes if we have a harsh or cut and dry attitude toward them and/or relationships, men pick up on it and would rather avoid the situation. It’s the “I don’t need a man” stance, and it works really well as a deterrent. Of course we don’t need them, but putting off that vibe is more undesirable to a guy than it is intimidating.
Now I don’t know anything about you, but you haven’t been in a relationship for 10 years, so clearly something about you is not translating for those guys you are attracted to either. My advice would be to first assess what your true feelings toward men and relationships are. If you are conflicted about wanting to meet someone or a love relationship in general, you’ll block men from approaching you energetically very easily —even if you don’t think so. If you’re afraid that adding a man threatens your identity or sense of independence, you could also block them. No matter how you slice it, men need to be attracted to you just as much as you want to be attracted to them, and if something about your personality is non-welcoming, they’re going to move onto the someone who appears to be more open. I’d ask yourself honestly what the value even is for you to add a man to your life —because if you’re not clear about that, or don’t believe there is much value you’ll also block men very effectively.
Our attitudes toward men and relationships have a lot to do with who we attract (and don’t attract). If you want to attract a good guy for you, you’ve got to be clear about wanting the relationship, welcome one into your life by recognizing that it will add value and then make sure you’re motivated by the right reasons —perhaps in your case, you’re just not really motivated at all… Love is business and you’ve got to assess your mission statement in the relationship market just as clearly as you defined the purpose and plan for your website. I run through the entire process in my book so women are empowered to own who they are in and out of the process, while dumping any residual baggage too.
In truth it’s never the man we’re after. The product we want is the relationship experience —from a business perspective, the man is simply the market that yields the product.