“A real friend is one who helps us to think our noblest thoughts, put forth our best efforts, and be our best selves.” ~Anonymous
What kind of friend are you? Below are some of the things good friends do.
- Listen with caring and attention?
- Support what brings your friend joy?
- Have the courage to speak your truth when you see your friend harming herself or himself?
- Reach out frequently?
- Return calls, texts and emails in a timely manner?
- Feel joy for your friend’s joy and pain for their pain?
- Help when you are asked for help?
- Share your own struggles and ask for help or support?
Or, do you:
- Try to fix your friend, thinking you know better?
- Lecture, criticize and judge?
- Feel envious of your friend?
- Try to keep your friend from being all he or she can be?
- Talk on and on and don’t listen?
- Brag and try to make your friend feel one down, envious or jealous?
- Make everything about you?
- Take a long time to return a call, text or email?
- Wait for your friend to reach out?
- Refuse to be open and vulnerable with your friend?
If you find yourself more on the second list than on the first list, you might want to explore why you are not able or willing to be a good friend. What are you afraid will happen if you are open, caring and supportive?
The ego wounded self generally comes from a fear of lack and scarcity. This fear may translate into believing that if you support your friend in being all he or she can be, somehow you will lose out – that there isn’t enough for both of you in the universe. If you have this false belief, where did you get it? How is it serving you to believe it? How do you feel when you try to keep your friend limited so that you won’t lose out? Do you believe that the only way you will feel good about yourself is if someone else feels bad about themselves? If you believe this, where did you get this false belief?
Since all of our feelings are informational, if you are envious or jealous of your friend, there is a good reason for it. The good reason likely has to do with old fears and beliefs that you acquired in childhood and that are now making it hard for you to be a good friend. You might want to take the time to explore what false beliefs lie under your jealousy or envy. What beliefs about yourself do you have that are limiting you and keeping you from having whatever you are jealous and envious about? What fears are keeping you from manifesting what you want in your life?
Until you become a real friend with yourself, you might have problems being a real friend with others. Being a real friend with yourself means seeing, valuing and supporting your own gifts and talents – your own real Self. When you can cherish who you are in your essence – your true Self – then it becomes easy to see, value and support your friends. When you learn to treat yourself with love, you will naturally treat your friends with love, too.
Connected, caring friendship is vitally important to our well being. People tend to mirror how we treat ourselves, so the more connected and caring you are with yourself, the more you will attract connected, caring friends into your life.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: innerbonding.com or email her at firstname.lastname@example.org. Phone sessions available.