Too much of everything
When you have bucket loads of cash, it’s easy to think you can have anything and everything you want. Big house. Fancy car. Man of your dreams. It’s all within reach when you’re a member of the world’s jet-setting celebrity elite.
The perfect face
It’s even worse when you’re a celebrity whose livelihood depends on your looks. In the beginning, it’s easy to see those frown lines in the mirror and rush off to the clinic for a $600 Botox™ session. As the years wear on, it gets harder and harder to get the results you want from simple, injectable muscle relaxers. Your face doesn’t look like it did when you were 20, after all. And it’s not getting any prettier.
Enter the cosmetic surgeon
Can you imagine waking up one morning, looking at yourself in the mirror, and saying “It’s going to take more than a syringe full of Restylane™ to fix this face!” Neither can I, and I’m a cosmetic surgeon, but it does make for good comedy. I’m not a comedian either, but I play one on the Internet.
She was super cute back in the 1990s, which is when most of us first laid eyes on her. She was one of the first women rappers who could actually, don’t you know it, rap like the boys. She was sexy and flirty and even a little dirty all at the same time, in her own way. Her music was fun to listen to, and she was fun to look at. Fast forward 10 years, and it’s hard to know just WTF happened to her. Seriously girl, tell your surgeon to put the scalpel down. He’s not doing you any favors.
Just kidding. I love Joan Rivers, and she looks absolutely stunning. I was this close to writing “for an octogenarian,” but anyone at any age would be lucky to look as good as Joan Rivers. She’s always been saucy and feisty, with absolutely no hesitation when it comes to skewering people who have it coming.
Can you guess how many times Ms. Rivers has gone under the knife? I couldn’t believe it, either!
Mama Elsa: “The Queen” of bad cosmetic surgery
And to think, she used to be stunning. According to the link, she has come out as a “victim of botched plastic surgery,” and I can do nothing but sit here and agree with her. I doubt her surgeon had much more experience with surgery than an 8-year-old could acquire in 10 minutes spent with the board game, Operation. It looks like she fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch, thistle, and knot on the way down. And then the tree fell on her.
Get it done right or don’t get it done at all
Celebrities don’t have an excuse. They really don’t. They have all of the money in the world to pay the best cosmetic surgeons with. Sometimes the “best” cosmetic surgeon isn’t the same as the “right” plastic surgeon. Before you make the decision to spend your hard earned money on cosmetic surgery, make sure you talk to as many surgeons as you can. Don’t be afraid to fly to L.A., the cosmetic surgery capital of the world, and stay at a hotel before and after your surgery. And remember that cosmetic surgery disasters are even sadder when they happen to people who aren’t celebrities.
Dr. Matlock is a board-certified cosmetic surgeon who works out of the Los Angeles practice he started in 1983. He has made appearances on Dr. 90210 and Plastic Wives.