The Top 3 Dumbest Criminals of December 2012

Passion makes idiots of the cleverest men, and makes the biggest idiots clever. -Francois de La Rochefoucauld 


Of all human emotions, passion alone can make a person do some pretty dumb and idiotic things. The problem is that passion accompanies many other emotions; love, lust, jealousy, greed, envy, hate, essentially any and all emotions can be affected by passion.

Now passion isn’t always a bad thing, but when it comes to passionate criminals, it simply makes bad these bad apples even more sour and rotten. December is coming to a close, and this month there have been some pretty dumb crimes committed all across America. Below are 3 of the more notable crimes that have been committed this month, and the idiotic criminals who masterminded them… or should I say… blunderbrained.

You Can Run, But You Can’t Hide

Marcel Maldonado (21) could be called a halfwit, but then that would be considered half a compliment. Marcel went on a Grand Theft Auto style criminal spree spanning numerous states, beginning in Washington and ending in Colorado.

Marcel first became a wanted man in Washington State and then decided to lay low for a while. So he fled across state lines, stealing numerous vehicles and robbing convenience stores along the way. You know, things you normally do whilst “laying low.” At one point, Marcel robbed a store, stole a car, crashed said car 10 minutes later, stole another car, ditched that car and stole another until cops were finally in pursuit of him. But his dastardly driving forced the police to break off the chase as it was becoming too dangerous. 

Days later, he was pulled over in a different vehicle in Colorado… welcome to the Wild West Marcel! Because as our foolish bandit attempted to lose the police by driving in excess of 131 mph, and skirting through over 5 different counties, the police never lost him. Until Marcel entered a neighborhood, the police had not lost site. As they drove through the streets, they eventually spotted his vehicle parked in a homes driveway. He was found hiding in the backseat as though there was a chance the police weren’t looking for his car. 

Hanging-10 Can Put You 6 Feet Under… And In Prison

Cole Fohrenkamm (21) and Shawn Swanson (21) were good friends from Wisconsin. Sadly however, they lived in Wisconsin, where there isn’t exactly that much going on for two young men. So these two friends did what any sensibly stoned and drunken Wisconsinites would do… they went car surfing.

For those of you who don’t know, car surfing is exactly as it sounds to be. You get on a car, the car speeds up, perhaps swerves a little to test your surfing balance and skill, and you essentially go till the driver has become bored, or you have fallen off. And Shawn Swanson fell off hard. As he wiped out, he hit the back of his head against the ground killing him.

Cole Fohrenkamm, realizing his friend was hurt, and not having a phone to call for help, put Shawn into his vehicle and drove him to a local casino. As the police arrived, they arrested Cole Fohrenkamm and charged him for homicide by intoxicated use of a vehicle, first-degree recklessly endangering safety, and homicide by negligent operation of a vehicle. This 21 year old had a total of nearly 50 years of prison sentencing issued to him after essentially killing his friend. If that isn’t stupid, I’ll never know what is. 

Candy and Condoms… An Unbeatable Combination

Three underage boys looted a Wisconsin Walgreens (because what else do you do in Wisconsin) for a box of condoms and an assortment of candy. The kids were seen by the store manager stuffing the stolen goods into there clothing before attempting to walk out the store nonchalantly. However, the security alarm verified what the manager had witnessed.

The manager followed the boys outside and said that if they gave back the stolen goods, he wouldn’t call the cops. The children threw the condoms at the man, but said they were keeping the candy. At least that proved their maturity level. 

After threatening the manager with knives, he had no other option but to call the police. When they arrived and arrested the children, three steak knives of varying lengths were found. One of the kids claimed he forgot it was in it his pocket after eating, another said he carried it for protection, while the last didn’t have an excuse. The kids were charged with armed robbery, retail theft, carrying a concealed weapon, disorderly conduct and intimidation of a victim.  

The author of this article is Damien S. Wilhelmi. If you enjoyed this piece, you can follow me on Twitter @FacePalmLaw. The law can be a tricky and difficult course to navigate. If you live in Colorado, and have been in an accident, it is highly advised that you seek out a Denver truck Accident Attorney immediately.

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One thought on “The Top 3 Dumbest Criminals of December 2012

  1. Pingback: The Top 3 Dumbest Criminals of December 2012 #dailydumb - The Badge Guys

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