Some people are fairly indifferent about whether they are genuinely really liked in their workplace; perhaps they feel the role is only temporary or they are happy to come in, do their time and then leave. Very few people, however, actually want to be hated at work.
Unless you are a fire and brimstone, Rottweiler of a boss who relies on an atmosphere of fear and loathing as the bedrock of their authority, most people strive to get on with their colleagues and to contribute to a jovial and pleasant working environment.
Work colleagues occupy a unique place in the social networks of most people, thrown as they are into your life through fate and circumstance rather than any conscious decision on either of your parts. They don’t know you as well as your friends, yet they may see you more regularly and for longer periods of time.
Consideration of the unique social position you are in at work is an important way to make sure you get along; although the following ways will guarantee that they hate you with a passion greater than a thousand suns.
Eat smelly foods at your desk
If you love nothing more than demolishing hard boiled eggs, seafood and other distinctively smelly food at your desk, then the chances are you are (perhaps unwittingly, perhaps knowingly) inviting your colleagues along on an aromatic adventure with you. If you leave the office smelling of fish for the rest of the day, there will be some poor spouses getting an ear full about you and your antics that evening,for sure.
Come to work when you are sick
You are not a hero; you are simply a potentially infectious, coughing, sneezing and sniffling mess. Go home.
Be a loud talker
This one is completely relative; some jobs call for you to be loud. The key here is not to talk louder than everyone else, one thing that is guaranteed to drive people mad is a person who thinks that the whole workplace needs to hear everything they say at all times, especially on the phone. Having your concentration jarred repeatedly all day by the howling, bilious nonsense of a craven idiot is sure to breed some ill feelings towards whoever is the source of the noise.
Be a suck up “jobsworth”
No one likes a suck up man. Even the suck up them self is likely to well up with a sense of shame and self loathing every night no matter how many extra paperclips they manage to get each day.
Be a deodorant avoider
Your colleagues have to spend 8 hours a day with you so if you display such a lack of respect towards them by not even making the environment to spray a bit of deodorant you will be repaid in scorn.
Be a freeloader
This one is very important and very simple: if people see that you don’t contribute but still get the group benefits, they will hate you. Simple. As. That. Next time you have a company picnic where everyone brings some food along, don’t bring any and proceed to guzzle down as much as you can. When you are finished, take a second to look at your colleagues. What do you see?
Make light of how little work you do
This is related to the freeloader problem mentioned above. Doing less work but getting paid the same, while also thinking the situation is a good source of water cooler jokes is one way to make sure you are not loved and respected.
Whine constantly about how much work you have to do
This is the opposite of the above point. Why don’t you actually get on with working through your to-do list instead of whining about it all the time? Keep this up and you may not only be hated, you be murdered in some kind of Wicker Man–esque ritual.
If you do all of these things then you are probably hated and your colleagues may be plotting to kill you. So be wary if possible Christmas conference venues that are suggested include any trips to isolated islands, or you might end up regretting your inconsiderate and boorish ways.
Are there any other sure fire ways to ensure that your work colleagues hate you?
Author Byline: James Duval is a freelance IT expert, although that has absolutely nothing to do with his former colleagues detesting the very ground that he walked upon. When he is