The Most Ridiculous Pizza Recipes in the World!


Food is one of those rare things that everyone can agree is necessary but no one can agree how to be good at. Like government. Pizza is the epitome of this confusion. No one dislikes it, but like government again, you either love your local version and hate everyone else’s or completely the other way round. If you’re the former, you’re probably in the wrong place.

There’s enough wild variation and speculation around general recipes for any kind of food. It doesn’t matter how simple it is someone has tried making it upside -down, inside-out, savory when it should be sweet, vice versa and flaming. But most of these so-called ‘pizza’ recipes are so radical they barely have any features that would mark them out as actually being pizza.

Mizza

Who?  Pizza Hut

Where?   Taiwan, South Korea

What in god’s name?  Rice patty base, ‘aromatic cheese’ and ‘abundant great topping’.

You can almost taste how clever Pizza Hut thought they were being with this. But why they thought replacing the bread part of ‘bread, sauce and cheese’ with rice would excite their Asian market who were already, obviously, quite into pizza, possibly as a rice-less novelty, is beyond me.

Cone Pizza

Who?  Konopizza

Where?  Worldwide (originating in Italy)

What in god’s name?  Regular pizza things. Just in a cone.

Clearly someone thought a slice wasn’t convenient enough so engineered these cone-shaped pizzas to go. They’re as idiot-proof to eat as a Cornetto and available in a wide, if traditional range of toppings. But there is something grim about watching someone pump tomato sauce into the ready-baked base-cones from a tap.

Squid Ink Pizza

Who?  Pizza Studio

Where?  Tokyo, Japan

What in god’s name?  Prawns, squid ink instead of tomato. That’s it.

I love that the universal complaint of squid ink pizza in reviews is that the ink stains the inside of your mouth. That’s like being present at a riot and only complaining that all the kerfuffle scuffed your new brown leather brogues. True, it doesn’t take much of it to make a yawn look like the entrance to a cave but Pizza Studio have slathered this thing with so much ink it looks like a clumsy student’s homework. At least his teacher can be sure his dog wouldn’t have eaten it this time.

Mac & Cheese Pizza

Who?  Ian’s

Where?  Chicago, U.S.

What in god’s name?  You still haven’t got the hang of this yet, have you?

When it comes to American food the word you find yourself using most often is excess. Sure, the token entry here from the States could have been a Quattro Stagioni the size of a family car (and they do exist of course) but credit where credit is due. Ian’s monthly changing specials manage to violate good sense and cooking practices much better than just making a pizza that’s bigger than your competitor’s down the street. Mac & cheese is only one of many ridiculous-sounding (but secretly alluring) recipes including Drunken Ravioli, Thanksgiving Slice, Chicken Mashed Potato and Biscuits ‘n’ Gravy.

The Royal Wedding Pizza

Who?  Papa John’s

Where?  Kentucky, U.S. Anywhere with TV, internet connection and a sentimental autocracy streak.

What in god’s name?  Ham, olives, peppers, shameless merchandising.

Alright, so Ian’s wasn’t the only American entry. But this Royal Wedding pizza has to be one of the creepiest and most desperate grasps to cash-in on Will & Kate mania just short of the empty-staring death masks.

Pizza Royale 007

Who?  Glaswegian Domenico Crolla

Where?  N/A

What in god’s name?  Cognac-marinated lobster, champagne-soaked caviar, 24-carat edible gold.

Created in 2007 to go on auction on Ebay for anyone rich and deranged enough to want to eat money but can’t digest bills, this decadent monstrosity was meant to sell for around $3800 and is my creepy and desperate grasp to cash-in on Skyfall mania.

Grand Prix

Who?  Mr. Pizza

Where?  South Korea

What in god’s name?  Prawns, potato… and raisins, pumpkin and sunflower seeds on cookie dough crust.

There has to be a point where harmless tinkering becomes mad, Harry Harlow-style experimentation. There has to be. I can picture Mr. Pizza coming up for the recipe for the Grand Prix in the highest tower of a castle with the roof open and lightning shooting into the conductors that power his ovens while onlookers screamed: ‘But man was not meant to meddle in such things!’

Attached Images:

This Article was written by Robert Dawson-Goodey, writer for Chillisauce

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