Attempts to Save the Environment (That Failed, Badly)


Saving the Earth is widely considered a good thing to do if you aren’t Galactacus, the Daleks or the “evil” business people in Captain Planet. However, like anything worth doing, saving the Earth is really hard. This means a lot of peope, sometimes with the best of intentions, sometimes with, well, intentions at least, can end up trying to save the world in a way that looks kind of half-assed, or in some cases, downright destructive.

The Lorax Teaches A Valuable Lesson About Conservation and Buying SUVs

Dr Seuss is a beloved children’s author who has ceated fond memories for millions of children all over the world. Not me, obviously, I think his illustrations look like a devil’s nightmare, but other people, they enjoy his books.

One of his most famous books is The Lorax, a delightful fable written to teach kids the importance of conservation and the perils of greed. This year Dreamworks released an adaptation of The Lorax, where they transformed Dr Seuss’ drawings into soulless CGI hellbeasts that could devour your hope with their eyes.

This wasn’t enough for Dreamworks, however. Tey apparently wanted to generate clean, renewable energy from the rotation o Dr Seuss in his grave. So they accepted sponsorship from Mazda for an SUV.

It’s the equivalent of Disney using Bambi to sell venison burgers.

Celebrities Care So Much About the Environment They Have to Use Their Private Jets to Demonstrate It

Paul McCartney, famous for being the one surviving Beatle who’s never narrated Thomas the Tank Engine, considers himself an ethical chap. His late wife Linda is responsible for one of the most famous lines of vegetarian food on the planet, he’s a vocal critic of the fur trade, won’t even wear leather shoes, and well, he was in the Beatles. They practically invented being hippies, of course he’s all about saving the environment.

So it’s no surprise that he got himself a hybrid car to reduce his carbon emissions and make the world a little less poisonous a place. This backfired when it was revealed that the car was flown to him by private jet, giving off more emissions than the car would ever manage to offset in its lifetime. Oops.

The thing is, celebrities seem to have a bit of a blind spot when it comes to private jets. In 2007 the King of Environmentalists Al Gore arranged a series of large concerts to inform people of the inconvenient truths about global warming with the help of all his rock’n’roll pop star friends.

Over 150 artists were bought a total of 222,623 miles around the Earth. How did they get there?

I’ll give you a clue. They didn’t cycle.

Green Weaponry

BAE build weapons. “Building weaponry” in quick survey we just made up now, ranked top in the list of “Jobs you lie about when at parties”. It’s up there with marketing cigarettes and being a traffic warden, the sort of thing where your partner tells the kids you’ve gone to prison to save them some heartbreak and embarrassment.

So I’m just going to say this straight out. There is no way to make weapons look good. Your weapon either kills people, or isn’t very good at killing people, and neither of these things will make you popular.

Despite the fact that literally everybody knows this, BAE weapons still announced in 2006 that was investing in green weaponry, and it didn’t just mean it was adding jungle camouflage to its bullets.

From “making a fighter jet more fuel-efficient” to “looking at the materials that munitions are made of and what their impact on the environment would be” BAE dedicated itself to making the ost ethical tools you would ever be shot in the face with.

We’re thinking they should have looked at weaponizing offshore wind turbines instead.

Attached Images:

Author Byline: Chris Farnell is a freelance writer who cares so deeply about the environment he hardly uses a private jet at all.

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