10 Signs That You’re Dating a Douchebag

The douchebag is the most hated model of boyfriend in the dating world. Hunted by all modern day man-haters, this despicable species works its way into the hearts of innocent women before revealing the true extent of his douche-tasticness. If you want to avoid hooking up with a future regret, you need to know how to spot the signals early on. Here are 10 signs that you’re dating a douchebag.

1 – The Phone Takes Precedence

If your date would rather have a ten minute conversation with his roommate than learn about your life, he’s a bona fide douche. A gentleman will only answer his phone for emergencies, and he will apologize ahead of time.

2 – The Look Says “Bang Me”

If your date is constantly giving you the up-down with the obvious attention of bagging you after dinner, he’s a douche. You deserve to be treated like more than a sizzling piece of sweetness, even if you are undeniably bangable.

3 – The Waitress Avoids Eye-Contact

If you ever see your waitress literally avoid talking to your date, chances are he’s a douche. Most guys like that will take their dates to the same locations all the time, and those locations happen to feature hot servers they have hit on in the past.

4 – The Wallet Stays Closed

If your date refuses to pay for your food or his, he’s a douche. There’s nothing wrong with a guy wanting you to pay for your half initially, but he shouldn’t expect you to pay for his as well.

5 – The Clothes Smell Toxic

If you can barely stand to get near your boyfriend because he puts on a hazardous amount of cologne, you’re dating a douche. Real men will use enough cologne to cover up their natural man-musk without overwhelming their dates with supposedly seductive scents.

6 – The Exes Say “Run”

If every one of a guy’s exes tells you to steer clear of a guy, he’s probably a douche. There is a chance that he just had a series of bad girlfriends, but it is equally possible that he used the same tacky techniques on every one of them.

7 – The Skin Stays Orange

If your date is tan enough to be on “Jersey Shore,” he is undoubtedly a douchebag. A little self-tanning is perfectly understandable, but your date should never look like the king of the Tang factory.

8 – The Hands Have Plans

If your boyfriend is more focused on fondling you in public than enjoying the moments you have together, he’s a douchebag. All he wants you for is your body, and he will quickly dispose of you once he’s tired of it.

9 – The Eyes Wink Obsessively

If your man winks every time he looks at you, he’s a douche…with an eye twitch. An even clearer sign of this is the guy that points at you with gun fingers while winking, finishing off with a “tch tch” noise.

10 – The Socks Accompany Sandals

If your date can’t leave the house without his signature toe-sock/flip-flop footwear, he’s a definite douche. I can’t think of any clearer representation of total douche-ism than a guy wearing socks with his sandals.

Look for all of the signs above in the man you’re dating and see if he’s is an obvious douchebag. If so, kick him to the curb now to avoid getting fondled and fake-baked in your relationship.

Victoria Ferman has dated her fair share of men, and now she’s trying to share her experiences with the rest of the internet. In addition to providing dating advice, she writes for ScholarshipsNGrants.com and collects bird houses.

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