I can’t remember the worst thing that I ever ate, but I can remember the stupidest. I was in the Outback of Australia, days from a town, and low on water. And I decided to eat whatever I could find in the van – in this case, peanut butter on a Weetabix.
I can’t explain to you how dry, plus adhesive, this combination really is, especially when you have hardly any liquid to hydrate yourself. It’s like drowning in wallpaper paste. It clings to the teeth and tongue for hours and hours, like the mouthful that just keeps giving. Bluerrghh!
However, it could have been worse. I have been looking into the very worst of food – this is for strong stomachs only…
Spray-can cheese
In today’s busy world, we all need labour saving devices in the kitchen. The dishwasher is a good one, and the microwave is pretty nifty.
Food-wise, it was useful when they started selling ham and bread already sliced, that saved us a lot of time. They gave us cheese in a block, they then gave us sliced cheese, and then they made it into a sort of cream version and put it in a tub. This was I thought far enough to go with cheese.
But no…Kraft decided to help us out one step further, by creating the spray-on cheese – no need for knives! Resembling whipped cream, and having none of the attributes of real cheese, are just two of its many attractions.03
The real wonder is the consistency of the stuff – its neither solid nor totally melted liquid – how do they do that? It won’t drip and shouldn’t fall off your toast. This amazing feat is achieved by loading it with a stain removing chemical called trisodium phosphate and Canola oil, plus extra salt for that added heart attack.
Yum!
Spam
This questionable “meat” product has a special place in the hearts of all British people, as it was a staple dish during World War II, and remains on our supermarket shelves even today. It’s as well loved as the Queen herself, or Marmite.
With a consistency of pet food, a colour that lurks somewhere between pink and white, and a colourful tin that appeals to children, it looks so, so innocent.
Image by pandemia
It is something of an anomaly in the world of food, as it is derived mostly from pork shoulder, which gets its unique jelly consistency by being combined with sodium nitrate, water, sugar and loads and loads of salt. The resulting “meat gum” is mostly fat (80% of the calories are fat) and an incredible, artery testing 790mg of sodium per 2 ounce serving.
It does beg the question why did they think it would be such a great food product to feed our hungry soldiers during the war? Its little wonder they didn’t all leave off to fraternise with the enemy, who were running on delicious bratwurst and schweineschnitzel instead.
Spam – there’s a reason they named all that rubbish that clogs up your computer after it.
Sprinkles on cupcakes
The great British baking phenomenon continues to rise in ovens all over the country and we are always on the lookout for glossy adornments to our plain old sponges.
Well, shiny coated sweets and chocolate sprinkles don’t get that shiny on their own, you know. The glaze is derived from the secretions of the female lac beetle, guys. “Shellac”, as the substance is known, is more commonly used as a wood varnish – those cupcakes don’t look to pretty now do they?
What food do you consider evil? Please do share!
Elise Lévêque is a bubbly French-English translator and lucky bride-to-be who left her beloved Paris after falling for the quirkiness of Great Britain! Always full of beans, she’s utterly addicted to shopping and is well known for throwing the most eccentric parties in town. She also blogs for petmeds in her spare time.
