Failing to deal well with emotions is probably the single biggest cause of problems in relationships, especially as sex tends to bring up feelings. Yet they are rarely understood in this society. Here is quick primer:
1. Feelings are not facts but they often affect us much more than facts.
2. Feelings may carry tremendous energy which makes them very powerful.
3. Trying to rationalize someone out of a feeling (“There’s no reason to be so angry about it!”) is not likely to make someone feel better, although it may enable him or her to see that the original basis for the feeling goes beyond the present situation.
4. Feelings always want to be felt and they will usually pass quite quickly if you allow yourself to express them fully.
5. Feelings that we do not allow ourselves to feel in the moment when they arise hang around, sometimes for many years, waiting for an opportunity to be expressed. Old stuck feelings sap our energy and effectively prevent us from being clear channels of energy.
6. If you do clear out old feelings, you will find that new feelings that come up are always related to the present situation and they are hugely informative. Every feeling has something to tell you.
You can see that it is a very good idea to pay attention to feelings. If they are triggered in a way that seems out of proportion to the present moment, then you have been storing them from the past. Addressing the past and letting them move on is well worth the effort. Repressing feelings is a major source of stress and tension in modern society.
It is often better not to take action when you are in the middle of experiencing an intense feeling. Strong feelings around a particular person may indicate some action is necessary in order for you to take care of yourself or of someone else, but we are not always able to see clearly when we are seeing red. Allow the intensity of the feeling to recede, then consider appropriate action when you are more able to be rational.
More about how to deal with feelings next time . . .
Mikaya Heart is an award-winning author and life-coach. Her latest book is The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women. www.mikayaheart.org