SOLO PARENTING

Perhaps you were divorced, and your ex has the kids for New Year’s Eve this year. Or perhaps you were widowed, and your kids simply have plans that don’t include you. Your eight-year-old is going to a sleepover at a friend’s house; your teenager is going to a party with friends or on a date.

You? You have no plans at all. Your best friend is married and will be with her husband. Your closest “unattached” friend has a date. Your other friends, whether single or married, all have plans. You have none.

Perhaps you were invited to a party, but you knew the others present would all be couples, and you didn’t want to be the only one with no one to kiss at midnight.

What are you going to do? Spend the evening in front of a rented three-tissue movie with a bowl of microwave popcorn? Take yourself out for a special dinner by yourself because you’re damned if you’ll let being alone ruin the chance to enjoy an Occasion? Go to bed early, pull the covers over your head, and try to ignore the sounds of revelry from the next house or apartment, or the sounds of fireworks or other merrymaking?

I have some better suggestions. Choose one. Choose several. Here they are in no particular order.

• Find a church that’s having a New Year’s Eve service, and go. It need not be your regular church, if your regular church doesn’t have New Year’s Eve services. It’s the same God no matter which of His houses you commune with Him in. (If you’re not usually a church-goer, don’t worry. You’ll be welcomed all the same, and you’ll feel good afterward.)

• Dedicate the evening to a project such as cleaning out a closet. New Year’s is a time of new beginnings. It’s also a time of endings—putting an end to that which does not serve us. Getting rid of things you no longer need or items that carry emotional baggage and weigh you down is a good start toward the New Year. Cleaning out that closet or giving away your late husband’s golf clubs that you were reluctant to let go of or finally deciding that your ex-husband isn’t coming back and there’s no reason to keep the recliner you never sit in or ridding the attic of cartons of clothes you don’t wear anymore—all these symbolize letting go of the past and making a fresh start.

• Find a soup kitchen, homeless shelter, or similar venue that can use an extra pair of hands for the evening. People often think of volunteering in such places on Christmas, but few people consider doing the same on New Year’s Eve. Yet some of these place do hold holiday events for their clients, and wouldn’t you feel good about doing something meaningful with your evening?

• Spend part of the evening in meditation, or in quiet contemplation of all you can be thankful for, or even in a more traditional New Year’s activity: Deciding how you can improve your life in the New Year. Note I did not say “making resolutions,” nor “how you can improve yourself.” Rather, I said “how you can improve your life.” Rather than the worn-out list of “I will stop nagging the kids.” “I will lose 20 pounds.” “I will stop yelling.” “I will be more patient.” “I will cook more nutritious meals,” think in terms of how you can make your life better. Look for a job that suits you better? Wear clothes that better show off your figure? Try a new hairstyle? Try a new church? Move across the country so you can live near your sister? Make more time for yourself? Get away for occasional weekends without the kids? Take up a new hobby? Learn Italian? Finish college belatedly and get that degree you never got? Learn to cook some new foods? Make new friends—perhaps more people who are single, or simply more people with whom you have interests in common, rather than their just being the parents of your kids’ friends? Get to know your own town or the nearest big city, and its cultural offerings, better?

• Drag out your old photo albums and/or scrapbooks and reminisce. How long has it been since you revisited those photos of yourself as a child, those pictures of you in summer camp or in your parents’ cabin at the lake, those keepsakes and mementoes like the program from your high school graduation or the blue ribbon you won in the teen talent show? Caveat: If the wounds are still fresh from your divorce or widowhood, this may not be the best time to revisit your wedding album, but if the hurt has healed and the ache has mellowed, it’ll probably be all right to give in to the temptation of revisiting those memories, too. After all, your wedding and your marriage were important parts of your life at one time, no matter how the marriage ended.

You don’t have to blow horns at midnight, wear a party hat, gulp champagne, or join in a bunch of rowdy revelry to have a meaningful New Year’s Eve. Meaningfulness is where you find it. Where will you find yours this New Year’s Eve?