Sex and Relationships with Mikaya Heart

My name is Mikaya Heart. I’m delighted to say that Dangerous Lee has selected me to write a regular column on sex and relationships on this website. Here are some things to know about me, so you know you can look forward to a thought-provoking, down-to-earth, and inspirational column: I am an award-winning author and a life-coach. My latest book is The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women: How to be Orgasmic for a Lifetime, just out from Cleis Press. I teach workshops and individual clients all over the world about how to walk through life with integrity, how to exercise the art of choice, which is about manifesting what we want, and how to access the power of the universe. Energy, power, force – they are all the same, and one of the easiest ways for most human beings to learn about them is through sex. When we allow an orgasm to flood through our bodies, it is a flow of energy which takes us to a place of bliss; we are using the body to take us far beyond the body. We all need to learn how to allow that on a daily basis, not just when we are having sex. Yes, I am saying that it is possible to be in that place of bliss on a regular basis. It’s about learning to let energy move through us freely. Most of us learn to block the flow of energy from a very young age, because we are trying to be controlled and adult. It causes all kinds of illness when we try to block the natural flow, and conversely it causes all kinds of wellness when we allow it.

The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women is composed from in-depth interviews and questionnaires. It contains the voices of many different women, and one thing I learned in writing it is that we are all different – incredibly different. There is no such thing as ‘normal’ when it comes to sexual arousal and responses. However, one of the things that inspired me to write it was the knowledge that a lot of women don’t come very easily. How do I know that? Well, first of all, I had trouble myself having orgasms, and my first one didn’t happen until I was twenty-six. Secondly, I’m a lesbian and I have been lovers with a number of women who don’t come easily. Now, you may be thinking that if I am a lesbian, I don’t know about heterosexual sex, and you would be wrong. I was myself heterosexual for a number of years, and I have many heterosexual friends. You’d be surprised how many of the problems that we experience, both sexual and otherwise, occur across the board.

Relationships aren’t always easy. They are one of the best learning grounds that we can choose – there is nothing like being intimate with someone on a daily basis to reflect yourself back to yourself, although many people refuse to admit that’s what’s happening, because it’s easier to blame the other person than to look at yourself. I encourage everyone to do some serious introspection. It’s one of the hardest things we can require of ourselves, to be absolutely honest, and it has to start with ourselves. It takes courage to admit that you have made a mistake, but you can’t improve yourself unless you start where you are, and acknowledging we don’t always know what’s right can help us to find out what’s right. I believe good communication is the foundation of a good relationship, and that requires the ability to listen to your partner without judgment, without having to prove anything, without having to be the one who knows what’s what.

I’ll answer questions from readers, but let it be known right now that I do not tolerate deceit. If you write and tell me that you are having an affair and you don’t want your partner to know about it, I am not going to answer, because in my opinion, honesty is a prerequisite of any healthy intimate relationship. The story of my own journey to a place of honesty and integrity is detailed in my memoir, My Sweet Wild Dance, which was described as “soul-refreshment of the highest order” in Edge Magazine. I like that. That’s what I want to do, refresh souls, everywhere and anywhere. Bring me your soul, and depart refreshed.

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