Sometimes when a relationship goes sour, we tend to take an emotional hiatus. We try to “get ourselves together” before jumping into the next situation. Often, these periods can be extremely long and drawn out, depending on how deep our love is/was. Obviously, some things take longer than others to get over.

It’s during these periods that we sometimes begin practicing celibacy. Quite honestly, we should just address it for what it is- abstinence- since there’s often no religious reason behind our decision.  But I won’t get picky. It’s when we get to the point when we decide we’re not “giving it away” anymore. That without a strong supportive mate and substantial relationship, our bodies are off limits. We are open to dating, but not to the whole “friends with benefits” scenario.  We are locking the vault.

But are we really practicing celibacy? Or are circumstances playing a bigger role than we’d like to admit. It could be that we just haven’t met anyone new with whom we’ve had that type of physical attraction. Combine that with the fact that you absolutely refuse to give in to your ex and then BAM just like that, you’re celibate.  Of course there are those that are sincerely making a conscious choice to practice abstinence or celibacy. Some are waiting for marriage, some are sacrificing physical pleasure in hopes of receiving an answer to their prayers, some are just plain ole’ terrified of diseases. The reasons are too numerous and too personal to try to list, but for others, it just kinda happens. This isn’t to say that you’re not capable of finding someone to meet your needs. You just refuse, and the longer you go without it, the easier it is to keep going without it.  Sometimes it even turns into a personal accomplishment. You find yourself congratulating yourself for going another year without sex. You may even set goals, “Maybe I can make it to the five year mark!”

That’s all fine and dandy. But what happens when Mr. or Mrs. Goodbar walks past and gives you that seductive look that you can’t resist. You don’t think that they have the best personality, they aren’t the brightest crayon in the box, and they don’t have a whole lot going for them, but man, are they sexy!  Sexy enough to…wait, now.  There’s nothing substantial about this. If you do this, it’ll be JUST SEX. All your hard work of holding out will be over in one quick night. Is this worth it to you? Sometimes we change our tune right away. “It’s not that I was celibate, I was just waiting for something I really wanted, and I really want him/her.” That’s what you say now, LOL.

I’m not knocking the practice at all. I’m just encouraging people to be honest with themselves. Whether you hold out as long as you can, or don’t hold out at all, really doesn’t matter to anyone but you. Just know the difference so you won’t disappoint yourself. Make your own rules clear and stick to them. “I won’t have sex with anyone unless……”, you fill in the blank as you see fit. If you’re just holding out until you see something you like, that’s okay. It’s good to be selective, especially when it involves intimacy. The pickier the better when it comes to your body.

Some folks don’t even attempt to go without it. It’s on and popping whenever, however, and with whomever. I’m clearly not speaking to those individuals. As long as you are protecting yourself, I have no issue with your sexual freedom.  We are all adults and we all have to deal with our sexual choices. The consequences are not just babies and diseases. The emotional scars that are sometimes left behind by sexual intercourse can leave long term damage. Be wise in your choices. Be as picky (or as celibate) as you need to be!

VL on the DL